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Flash Fiction Friday: Cosmo’s Five Hot Sex Tips for Pleasing Your Tah-Lahki Overlord

by Rick Sherman

  1. DO YOU. As one of many concubines you will want to stand out. The Tah-Lahki have no concept of masturbation. Diddling yourself creatively is a sure way to attract his/her attention and assure you of an extra ration to help put off starvation for another day.

 

  1. PULL THAT JAW. Before engaging in the oral pleasures with your Tah-Lahki master you will want to remove his/her lower ancillary jaw. This is the jaw with the hard beak below the primary jaw—the one with all those sharp teeth that tore into your friends and family during The Occupation. Once the lower jaw is removed he/her will enthusiastically ravish you from toe to top leaving a thin layer of digestive slime. Remember, it is an insult to bathe in front of him/her as the musky Tah-Lahki have no concept of hygiene.

 

  1. SHED A TEAR. For reasons unknown at present, the Tah-Lahki find human crying to be an aphrodisiac. If you are selected for a Pleasuring, at the start of the session if you cry it will be less painful for you down the line. Just listen to your heart as it cries out for the millions who had to die so that our Glorious New Rulers could comfortably inhabit our planet. If you manage to cry up a tantrum you might find yourself becoming a favorite and will have enough rations so you won’t be constantly on the verge of starvation. Go for it!

 

  1. FILL ‘ER UP. The Tah-Lahki have five primary ventral genitals and three more dorsal. It is important that when you have properly aroused your master—preferably with the standard Double Reverse Ripley Gyration taught during your initiation into the Pleasure Corps—to not throw up when his/her genitals extrude from their slimy casings deep in his/her thorax. Be careful to limit your response to at most a brief shudder. Our Superior Overlords are very sensitive about such things. Once he/she is aroused you must use all of your openings and both hands to stimulate your master properly. Remember, if the appendages start spinning back and forth you are doing something right.

 

  1. IT’S SCHLUPPING TIME. One of our Supreme Master’s greatest mysteries is what in their language sounds like “schlupping”. It is the rare human who is lucky enough to be selected for this privilege. On those singular occasions when it happens, the Tah-Lahki will clamp their hand stalk over the human’s mouth and extrude a probing finger branch far up into the fortuitous winner’s nostrils. It is thought that at this point the human and a Magnificent Overlord will bond at an intimate level. We believe this to be like a psychic marriage. This is a very sexual experience for the Tah-Lahki and it is recommended that fortunate human overcome the requisite agony and be quite vocal during the experience, moaning and sighing and writhing in ecstasy when appropriate. It is very important not to fantasize about brutally killing all of the Tah-Lahki and bathing in their blood during this experience.

 

In conclusion, when it comes to satisfying our Splendiferous New Sultans let your imagination run wild (but not too wild—you don’t want to be caught fantasizing about something ridiculous like organizing a rebellion. How quaint!) and remember, a spinning appendage is a happy appendage. It is important that we show our gratitude to the sexy Magnificent Conquerors who in their generosity don’t let all of us starve to death. Praise be the Tah-Lahki!

 

Rick Sherman toils in obscurity on suburban Long Island New York. This is his first ever publication. If you’d like to congratulate (or discourage) him he can be found online at facebook.com/rickshermanmagi