It’s Devil’s Night Bizarros! Time to play some pranks, set fire to shit, and hail Satan! You can even name your cat, dog, or kid, after a demon.
Speaking of animals, here are 6 animals who surely came from the depths of hell or were at least named after The Dark Lord.
1) Ayam Cemani (Gallus gallus domesticus)
This Indonesian chicken is the blackest animal in the world. Even its bones and meat are black!
2) Jacob Sheep (Ovis aries)
Baphomet incarnate, Jacob sheep can have 2-6 horns and are aggressive enough that they are used as guards in farms.
3) Satanic Leaf Gecko (Uroplatus phantasticus)
Found only in Madagascar, these geckos look a lot like dragons.
Aside from looking cool, they don’t really do anything demonic. They just use their cool tail which looks like a dead rotting leaf to lure prey.
The common and scientific names of this species refer to a local superstition: it is associated with a “wet” plopping sound, repeated twice, that may be heard in the nighttime in its habitat. Locals believe this bird to be a demonic entity that tears the eyes of sleeping people out, hence the sound. 
5) Anopheles Mosquito (Anopheles gambiae)
Why is a mosquito on this list? Because it’s the deadliest animal in the world. This little bugger spreads malaria which kills over 600,000 people a year!
6) Blackdevil fish (Melanocetus johnsonii)
These deepsea anglerfish are monstrous creatures.
“The female lurks in the dark, drawing in prey with her glowing lure, while the male attaches to her like a blood-sucking parasite. Females can swallow prey larger than their own bodies.”
Bonus: Old school documentary on Satan and demonic possession with Boyd Rice singing “Total War” in the intro! A classic!
In 1970, a doctor by the name of Robert J. White transplanted the heads of two rhesus monkeys. The procedure was a “success” since the animals were alive and responded to stimuli. They were able to move their heads and even bite a pencil. What’s worse, they could still feel and hear.
The only problem, aside from it being like some Twilight Zone hell for all the animals involved, was that the spinal column had to be severed in order to transplant the heads and could not be reconnected. This rendered the animals completely paralyzed from the neck down. White would go on to torture many more monkeys and get a lot of flack from animal rights activists and ethical scientists.
The Soviet Russian government were interested in White’s mad scientist idea and conducted some severed head experiments on dogs. They ended up sewing the head of a puppy onto another dog. They also kept the severed heads of dogs alive through tubes with pumped oxygen and blood. The footage of this is pretty fucked up.
The first dog heads to enjoy, if that word can be used, full cerebral function were those [of] transplantation whiz Vladimir Demikhov, in the Soviet Union in the 1950s. Demikhov minimized the time that the severed donor head was without oxygen by using “blood-vessel sewing machines.” He transplanted twenty puppy heads—actually, head-shoulders-lungs—and forelimbs units with an esophagus that emptied, untidily, onto the outside of the dog—onto fully grown dogs, to see what they would do and how long they would last (usually from two to six days, but in one case as long as twenty-nine days).
Recently, Dr. Sergio Canavero, an Italian neurosurgeon, announced that the spinal column could now be connected and that a successful head transplant on humans could be achieved. All he needs is about $12.8 million, 100 people, and 36 hours. The heads need to be removed and connected within an hour. Canavero states,
“This is no longer science fiction. This could be done today — now. If this operation is done it will provide a few people with a substantial amount of extra life,” he said. “The only reason I have not gone further is funding.”
via The Telegraph
Thankfully many in the scientific community do not agree with Canavero, calling his claims “bad science” and comparing his idea to something from a horror movie.
You there is an interesting documentary about all this called A. Head, B. Body.
For a related movie, watch:
It’s sort of monsoon season in Thailand right now…it’s not supposed to be monsoon season but the weather has been off. It’s super hot and sunny during the day and then thunder and heavy storms during the night. It hasn’t rained animals yet though…that I know of. I’ll ask a Thai person, they tend to know things I don’t…
Reports of animal rain have popped up all over the world and most of the reports (according to my hour of google researching) are in fact real. In Yoro, Honduras, it rains fish every year so they have a fish rain festival to celebrate. In Beebe, Arkansas, 3,000 blackbirds mysteriously fell from the sky on New Year’s Eve. In Oakville, Washington, it rained jellyfish, TWICE! In Japan, raining tadpoles is commonplace. There is a scientific explanation of course but that still doesn’t prevent people’s imaginations from running rampant when worms fall from the sky.
In India, there are reports of blood rain and this guy thinks it’s because of aliens:
Now I want to watch that episode of the X-Files.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a Bizarro news roundup. Lots of weird shit has been going on as usual so here’s a summary of what’s been happening:
- Exotic snake kills two boys in Canada. An African rock python escaped from his enclosure and killed two boys who were asleep inside an apartment above a pet store where the snake was being kept illegally. The python has since been put down by a veterinarian and the owners of the pet store have received a wave of negative backlash from the public. African rock pythons are one of the largest species of snakes in the world but attacks on humans are rare.
- Last month in Australia, police were investigating a pawn shop burglary only to find a 19-foot python hiding behind some clothes.
“Its head was the size of a small dog,” Auld said. “It must have been hiding when we went there the first time.”
Authorities believe the snake fell into the charity store through the roof, which was damaged in a storm several years earlier. It fell inside, knocking items over, and then relieved itself on the floor.
A snake handler was called in to dispose of the reptile, which weighed nearly 38 pounds. It was then released back into the wild.
“In this undated photo released by Anthony Martin, escape artist Anthony Martin of Sheboygan, Wis., escapes from a wooden box that was locked and pushed out of a plane at 13,500 feet in August 1988, in Sandwich, Ill. On Tuesday, Aug. 6, 2013, the escape artist will lay inside a plywood box that is subsequently shoved out of an airplane at 14,500 feet to the sky over Serena in northern Illinois, with his hands cuffed to a belt around his waist and his right arm chained to the inside of the box. Photo: Courtesy Of Anthony Martin”
- A pentagram has been discovered in a Google Maps shot of an area in Kazakhstan. There is a logical explanation:
Though it’s difficult to discern from an aerial photograph exactly what the Kazakh pentagram is, Emma Usmanova, an archaeologist with years of experience working in the Lisakovsk area, has an answer.“It is the outline of a park made in the form of a star,” Usmanova told LiveScience. The star was a popular symbol during the Soviet era (Kazakhstan was a part of the former Soviet Union until its dissolution in 1991). Stars were often used throughout the Soviet Union to decorate building facades, flags and monuments. (Several online comments had suggested the star shape was the abandoned site of a Soviet-era lakeside campground.)The star in the Soviet-era lakeside park is marked by roadways that are now lined with trees, Usmanova explained, which make the star shape even more distinct in aerial photos. Additional images of the site, now abandoned and overgrown with weeds, can be seen at englishrussia.com.
- A 12-year-old girl took a swim in a lake Arkansas and became infected with a rare, brain-eating parasite.
“The 12-year-old Arkansas girl who was infected with a rare brain-eating parasite is showing remarkable improvement, her doctors said Tuesday.
Kali Hardig is still listed in critical condition at Arkansas Children’s Hospital, but over the past 48 hours, she’s grown alert to the point where she can gesture in response to questions, according to Dr. Mark Heulitt, an intensive care specialist. Heulitt has scheduled a test for Tuesday afternoon to see whether Hardig can breathe without the breathing tube that she’s had for more than two weeks.
Hardig’s doctors are in virtually uncharted territory. Of 128 known cases in the past half-century, just two patients have survived, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
The infection is caused by a microscopic amoeba called Naegleria fowleri, found in hot springs and warm, fresh water, most often in the southeastern United States.
The amoeba enters the body through the nose and travels to the brain. You cannot be infected with the organism by drinking contaminated water, the CDC says.”
- 15-ton blob of fat found growing in London sewer!
“Given we’ve got the biggest sewers and this is the biggest fatberg we’ve encountered, we reckon it has to be the biggest such berg in British history,” Hailwood said.
The monstrous blob of fat was created by people pouring food fat down the drain, and by flushing baby wipes down the toilet. Thames Water discovered the fatberg after residents in the suburb of Kingston, Surrey, complained that they couldn’t flush their toilets.
By using closed-circuit television (CCTV), investigators discovered the creamy white fatberg, which had reduced the 28-inch (70 centimeter) sewer pipe to just 5 percent of its normal capacity.
“The sewer was almost completely clogged,” Hailwood said. “If we hadn’t discovered it in time, raw sewage could have started spurting out of manholes across the whole of Kingston.”
- Man shoots wife over a bet on a Nintendo Wii game:
Keith Wiens admitted to firing a single shot into the head of Lynn Kalmring in August 2011 at their Penticton home, but maintains she was carrying a knifeand he acted in self-defence. His trial, in front of a jury in B.C. Supreme Court in Kelowna, continued this week after a one-month break.
On the witness stand Thursday, Wiens said the pair arrived home from a motorcycle ride around 5 p.m. the day before the shooting.
They drank alcohol, ate dinner, then played Nintendo Wii video games. He said the two often made bets of a sexual nature on the games.
He lost the bet that night, and when he went to bed around 10:40 p.m., found sex toys on his pillow, but moved them aside because he wanted to rest up for a golf game the next day. He said Kalmring became upset when she saw that he was not in the mood to settle the bet.
- Chinese scientists grow teeth from stem cells taken from urine. The stem-cell-urine-teeth are weak and can’t actually be used as teeth. Prof Chris Mason, a stem cell scientist at University College London, said urine was a poor starting point.
- Guy in New York tries to sell a baby on Craisglist for $100. Everyone now thinks he’s a giant asshole.
- As you may have heard/read, scientists have successfully created lab meat. The meat was created using stem cells from a living cow so it’s not vegan and I wouldn’t eat it unless all plant life dies and that’s all that’s left to eat in the apocalypse, but others would eat it even sans apocalypse. This has now paved the way for lab leather but BurritoBot still needs some work.
- Man passes out drunk and wakes up with no penis. Fuck, that sucks.
- French feral cats attack a woman and her poodle.
A woman walking her dog in one of France’s most attractive tourist areas was the victim of a ‘nightmare’ attack when a pack of six feral cats dragged her to the ground and mauled her severing an artery.
The 31-year-old victim, who was walking at the edge of a wood in Belfort, in the north-eastern region Franche-Comté, was left traumatised by the attack and suffered bites to her arms and legs along with a gashed artery.
Her dog was also badly hurt in the incident.
It is thought the attack may be related to the high summer temperatures perhaps making the cats more aggressive than usual.
Josette Galliot, the mother of the victim told l’Est Republicain newspaper she had been ‘living a nightmare’ since the attack on Sunday.
Well, that about covers it. I’m going to swim in a murky lake with some feral French cats and watch Soylent Green while eating processed Chinese soy meat in the shape of a plucked chicken. Maybe I’ll piss out some teeth. Until next time Bizarros!
by Tracy Vanity
The fisherman, who has not been named at the request of his family, was driving with friends toward the Shestakovskoye lake, west of the capital, Minsk, when he spotted the beaver along the side of the road and stopped the car. As he tried to grab the animal to have his picture taken, it bit him several times. One of the bites cut a major artery in his leg, according to Sulim.
The man’s friends were unable to stem the bleeding, and he was pronounced dead when he arrived at Sulim’s clinic in the village of Ostromechevo.
He is the only person known to have died from a beaver attack in Belarus.
Well shit, if you grab any wild animal of course they’re going to bite your ass! But apparently beaver attacks are common, probably because they are fat and cute and people keep fucking with them. Just leave them alone and they won’t bite into your ateries!
BTW I had no idea Mel Gibson made a movie with a beaver puppet, that’s more wtf to me than this article!
by Tracy Vanity
You know when you were a kid and were watching Terminator 2 and were like “Damn, what if that really happened?” and then you re-watched it when you were older and were like “wait a minute…” and then you watched The Matrix and shit really fucked with your head didn’t it?
Well Bizarros, the moment you’ve all been dreaming about is here! Robots are going to take over the world and destroy us all but the good thing is that at least the Robocalypse will look cool because robots are fucking awesome. At least they are much cleaner and efficient than zombies and they will clean our homes, fuck us, and serve us booze, before killing us all!
So here is the latest in Robocalypse technology:
Wu Yulu, a Chinese farmer, from a small village, outside Beijing, has created a series of 47 robots, out of scrap metal. They can accomplish various functions, from drinking, to walking and even pulling a rickshaw.
…The strangest thing, about Wu Yulu, is he declared he loves his metal robots, more than he loves his own kids. He refers to his rickshaw robot as his 32nd son, and even programmed it to say “Wy Yulu is my dad, I take him out on the town.” How cool is that!
More than 70 countries already use unmanned drones – aerial vehicles that are capable of gathering intelligence, or seeking and, if necessary, eliminating targets. At present, the latter decision is still made by human operators via remote control. Human decision-making, however, seems to be waning, while unmanned fighter robots act increasingly on their own. The pilotless aircraft can already be programmed to maneuver completely autonomously. The X-47B drone is still being tested, but once it is ready for action, the aircraft will be able to conduct missions largely autonomously and without human control.
The wonderful people at DARPA just posted this cute robot:
Meet “Robbie the Robot” who is playing a game of what appears to be Simon all by himself which means he can become self-aware at any moment and destroy the planet.
Scientists have created a paper-thin flexible “skin” that can detect pressure that’s a few hundred times lighter than a gentle touch. This new material could eventually make its way into artificial or robotic limbs — but for now researchers have found that it is absolutely amazing at reading a pulse.
Scientists have successfully replicated the behaviour of a colony of ants on the move with the use of miniature robots, as reported in the journal PLOS Computational Biology. The researchers, based at the New Jersey Institute of Technology (Newark, USA) and at the Research Centre on Animal Cognition (Toulouse, France), aimed to discover how individual ants, when part of a moving colony, orient themselves in the labyrinthine pathways that stretch from their nest to various food sources.
World’s smallest robot, Robobee, has wingspan of three centimetres
It looks like a large drill, but this piece of equipment in South Canberra is no construction tool.
In years to come it may make your smartphone even smarter and help your car drive itself, with scientists believing basic global positioning technology can be accurate to the centimetre by the end of the decade.
The Pentagon has released a video of a robotic arm able to handle tools well enough to nearly complete a tire change.
And while the video is new, Gill Pratt, a project manager at the Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), told The New York Times it’s already outdated as the team has moved on to more dexterous hands capable of actually threading a bolt
According to its site, DARPA is the “principal agency within the Department of Defense for high-risk, high-payoff research, development and demonstration of new technologies and systems that serve the warfighter and the Nation’s defense.”
Inventions to have come out of their labs include stealth fighters, remote-controlled vehicles and GPS. Furthermore, the agency played a leading role in the development of the Internet.
Despite the obvious benefits of these innovations, however, many who see the video of the robotic arm unscrewing bolts from a tire are seeing much more than a leap forward in robotics – they are seeing a world of even fewer jobs for human hands.
And how can I make a Robocalypse post without some of the latest robot news from Japan?
Kenshiro is the next step for the researchers. Their previous effort resulted in a robot they called Kojiro – a robot that demonstrated the huge strides that have come in mimicking the human body, as well as the very long road yet to travel. In this new iteration, Kenshiro was preceded by a robot concept the team called Kenzoh. In that effort the team found that simply adding artificial muscle and bones generally tended to create weight problems. The upper body alone came to 45 kg. That caused the team to go back to the drawing board, this time with the idea of mimicking human bone and muscle at the individual body part level, i.e. a backbone, calf, or knee joint. Each part was custom designed to fall within the weight parameters of actual human limbs and other parts of the body.
If you’re looking for something more classic, there’s a Giant 1950s robot Gygan up for sale.
Don’t worry, it seems like we’re still a few years off from being robot slave bitches, but I’d keep a close eye on what DARPA are getting into if I were you…
Till next time Bizarros!
by Tracy Vanity