I’ve watched quite a lot of porn in my day. As you may have noticed, my wtf threshold is rather high but there are some pornographic films I have come across that really are bizarre even for me. It takes a lot for me to pause and go “WTF am I watching?” Here are 13 of the most Bizarro porn movies and clips you should see…
Obviously all links are NSFW and XXX rated. Don’t worry if you get a weird boner, it happens to the best of us and I obviously have watched all of these movies so you can just blame me for your weird fap this Twisted Tuesday.
1) Edward Penishands – An actually decent movie as far as Bizarro porn is concerned. The plot is almost identical to Edward Scissorhands except it’s a porn and he has peni for hands. Edward is kind of hot too if you’re into crying goth boys with penis hands.
This clip of Edward Penishands eating spaghetti is fucking art.
2) Live Action La Blue Girl – Based on the classic hentai which is known for quite a bit of tentacle rape, the live action version isn’t nearly as good as the animated version but it’s still a good attempt and they did a decent job with the tentacles. There’s a lot of them.
3) Biancaneve e i sette nani./Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – LOVE this Italian Snow White porn! The link shows the classic scene where Snow White is getting anal from a dwarf while the other 6 dwarves cheer him on. There is something really magical about that scene that Disney totally missed out on.
4) Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976) – This 70’s Alice in Wonderland musical porn is a whimsical and cheesy porn tribute to the Lewis Carroll classic. It’s pretty tame since it was made in the 70’s, although still totally X-rated.
5) Frankenpenis – Remember John Wayne Bobbitt who had his penis cut off by his wife who threw it out the window while driving and he had to have it sewed on? If you were too young to remember that, it actually happened and Bobbitt ended up making a porn film with his freshly attached penis, aptly named Frankenpenis which is an “outlandish porno spoof featuring a post-surgery John Wayne Bobbitt as Frankenpenis, a castrated man who had a ‘super penis’ sewed onto him in an experiment.”
6) Let My Puppets Come – Often compared to Meet the Feebles since there aren’t many pornographic puppet movies, Let My Puppets Come is about puppets who make a porn movie with human and puppet talent.
The concept of the film is much more interesting than the actual movie. The bondage porn scene from Meet the Feebles is much better:
7) Jack-in-the-Box – Random porn clip, that I’ll admit, gave me a weird boner. I don’t even know how I found it but some guy dressed like a creepy clown thing jumps out of of a jack-in-the-box and giggles maniacally the entire course of having sex with some chick.
8) A Wet Dream on Elm Street – “PLOT: After having sex with her boyfriend, a woman is shocked when he transforms into Freddy Krueger, who she mistakes for Edward James Olmos. Freddy seduces the woman with his glove, which has vibrators affixed to the fingers.”
9) E.T. porn – Everything is Terrible described the E.T. costume as a “burn victim wrapped in seaweed” which I found to be pretty accurate. E.T. is a female and explores human sexuality with some “high society” people and looks like the Toxic Avenger with cancer.
10) Genki porn – Totally against this because poor sea creatures, but it is wtf so had to add it to the list. VICE has a good documentary on the guy who makes Japanese eel porn. The pictures are pretty incredible. I’ll give him that.
11) This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX – Porn parodies are super popular now, there is pretty much a porn parody of every TV show and film in existence. It’s an extension of rule 34. io9 has an epic guide to porn parodies and I’ve seen most of them. The Smurfs one is pretty up there in the Bizarro meter.
13) Along Came the Spider, from Perverted Stories 32 – Seriously the most Bizarro porn I’ve ever seen. If you can top a porn with a giant creepy female spider giving a blowjob please let me know in the comments!
Happy Twisted Tuesday Bizarros! Hope you have a twisted fap!
Deep in the shadowy reaches of the Appalachian Mountains lurk secrets so terrible it was not meant that men should know them. Foul abominations lie in wait, locked away in the in-between spaces Euclid dared not contemplate, aching to return to a world which once belonged to them, and one day will be in their grasp again…
The CastIron Carousel seeks funding to stage an H.P. Lovecraft-themed marionette play entitled THE DOOM THAT CAME TO FIDDLE CREAK in Portland, Oregon in the fall of 2013. The audience will enjoy a fully realized marionette theater experience: a curtain will open revealing a magic window into a stage populated by intricately articulated marionettes animated by near-invisible strings. There will be a dazzling array of special effects that will delight and astonish the audience.
Many more details at their Kickstarter page: The Doom That Came to Fiddle Creak. You don’t have to be in Portland to get in on the fun. A $20 donation will snag you a DVD of the show and for $10 you can download it.
Although the Kickstarter has now reached its $10,000 goal, there are still stretch goals to meet. The more money the CastIron Carousel gets, the better show they can create, and the more places they can tour: Seattle, Vancouver, California, the east coast…the sky’s the limit!
David Liebe Hart is a musician, artist, puppeteer, and actor. In 1988, he followed the guidance of his Sunday School teacher Jim Henson and began producing The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program on public access television. Eventually the show caught the eye of Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, who cast Liebe Hart to sing his bizarre songs on their hit Cartoon Network show, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!. David has taken time out of his busy schedule to answer my questions about puppets, trains, and other topics.
Jeremy C. Shipp: First of all, what do you think is the meaning of life?
David Liebe Hart: I think the meaning of life is to be nice to people and contribute to the world by doing things that are creative and artistic.
Jeremy: When did you first become interested in puppetry?
David: When I was a kid I grew up watching so many good puppet shows, so that’s what got me into it. Jim Henson was also my Sunday School teacher when we lived in the Washington DC area. He gave me some of his puppets and told me to do a show for kids about Christian Science.
Jeremy: Have you ever seen a ghost?
David: When I was growing up in Chicago at South Ellis there were two ghosts named The Pickle Man and Mr. Moose. They used to come into my room at night and tickle me while I was sleeping.
Jeremy: If you could sing a duet with any historical figure, who would you choose?
David: Probably Maggie Evans from the original Dark Shadows show. She was so hot!
Jeremy: And what song would you sing?
David: Maybe a Christian Science Hymn put to my own original music or some traditional jazz or classical music that I wrote.
Jeremy: What’s your favorite food?
David: I had some duck in Tucson, AZ that was really good, but the portions were so small. Also, lately I’ve been in love with sweet potato lattes.
Jeremy: Let’s say you were traveling through space on an intergalactic train. If you looked out your window, what would you want to see?
David: Well, all the beautiful stars and planets. I’d also hope to see some UFOs.
Jeremy: Are you afraid of clowns?
David: Not normally, but I saw a show from England that had a clown on it that was really odd.
Jeremy: What’s your favorite movie of all time?
David: I don’t normally watch any movies, but I did see Lord of The Rings one time when I was on tour. It was so good, I went out and bought all three seasons.
Jeremy: What’s the strangest thing that happened to you while working on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job?
David: One time they had John C. Reilly pretend like he was giving me a shower, then another time they got into bed with me! They’re cool guys, though.
Jeremy: What’s the best part about being famous?
David: Getting to meet different people and all of my fans. I’m always nice to my fans because I used to be a fan myself.
Jeremy: What’s the worst part?
David: All these people are calling me all the time and it’s running up my phone bill talking long distance.
Jeremy: If you were a super hero, what would you want your super power to be?
David: If I could fly that would be nice because public transportation is terrible in Los Angeles. Another good power would be to be able to make all my favorite train lines come back to life and make it so I could ride them for free.
Jeremy: What’s the most important lesson that you’ve learned from space aliens?
David: There’s an alien guy named La Rent who came to me to tell me that porn was wrong, and he was right! If you look at too much porn you’ll never learn to value a woman.
About the interviewer:
Jeremy C. Shipp is the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Cursed, Vacation, and Sheep and Wolves. His shorter tales have appeared or are forthcoming in over 60 publications, the likes of Cemetery Dance, ChiZine, Apex Magazine, Withersin, and Shroud Magazine. Jeremy enjoys living in Southern California in a moderately haunted Victorian farmhouse called Rose Cottage. He lives there with a couple of pygmy tigers and a legion of yard gnomes. The gnomes like him. The clowns living in his attic–not so much. His twitter handle is @JeremyCShipp. Feel free to contact Jeremy via email at: chrismatrix(at)yahoo(dot)com
by Tracy Vanity
Damn that pic even freaks me out!
The following two-part animated short is dark, beautiful, and of course, creepy. It reminds me of Jan Švankmajer, whose work I adore. I love puppets and stop motion animation!
★ BTW Happy spooky birthday to Madeleine Swann, our top Bizarro Central Halloween countdown commenter! ★
by Tracy Vanity
If you missed my first round of mixvideos for Bizarro you can check those out here.
So for Round 2 the theme is still Bizarro music but unlike last time where I posted some songs that didn’t have actual videos accompanying it, these music videos are all visually cool, weird, creepy, fucked up, or all of the above. So here is my Bizarro music video party mix for the weekend. Enjoy!
1) Sebastien Tellier “Cochonville”
When I first saw this video I was blown away. How can you top a 70’s space cult orgy? You can’t!
2) Misfits vs. Chainsaw Hookers
Nothing gets me into the Halloween spirit like The Misfits and this amazing mashing of “Hollywood Babylon” with cult film Chainsaw Hookers is amazing. If you haven’t watched Chainsaw Hookers, you really aren’t missing much. The best parts of the film are in this video.
3) I Monster vs. Shaun of the Dead
Monster masher VillainsHorror has been paying homage to some of his favorite horror films by making cool music videos for them. This one for Shaun of the Dead is a lot of fun. I hadn’t heard of I Monster before watching this video but I checked out some of their other songs and they are very haunting and pretty.
4) David Lynch “Noah’s Ark”
This is my favorite song off “Crazy Clown Time.” Lynch hasn’t made an official video for this yet but a fan was kind enough to make one using cool vintage footage of what looks like some kind of old Russian film.
5) Tom Waits “Hell Broke Luce”
Tom Waits made a new music video and it’s fucking epic! A great anti-war song with surreal Terry Gilliam-like visuals. I love the animated vultures.
6) Die Antwoord “I Fink U Freeky”
I fucking love Die Antwoord. They’ll like real life Pokemon and Yo-landi’s voice sounds like unicorn semen sliding down my ear canal. This video is beautiful and dark and Yo-landi looks pretty sexy with those all-black demonic eyes.
7) HEALTH “We are Water”
Excellent homage to old slasher films with a cool twist and an incredible cinematic blood splattering scene at the end.
8) Broken Social Scene “Sweetest Kill”
Who knew that watching Bijou Phillips hacking up her boyfriend could be so pretty?
9) Pogo “Living Island (H.R. Pufnstuf Remix)”
Is that little boy saying “Weed can be legalized?” If you haven’t heard of Pogo and you like trippy, electronic, nostalgic videos, definitely check out his other songs. The Alice in Wonderland mix is my favorite.
10) Geto Boys “My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me”
Fuck, this song takes me back. Great old school hip-hop song about being a paranoid motherfucker.
11) Quasimoto “Come on Feet”
Trippy video with fucked up looking puppets!
12) Art of Bleeding “Don’s Foot”
Another song about feet. This video is a beautifully disturbing musical tribute from The Art of Bleeding for Don who wants to turn his amputated foot into a cane. Capital idea even though feet gross me out even when they are still attached to people!
13) Andrew Gold – Spooky Scary Skeletons
A hit on 4chan because it’s so fucking spooky. #13 on my Bizarro playlist had to be something to get you guys hard for Halloween, it’s just around the corner!!!
So what’s on your weekend song playlist Bizarro?
by Tracy Vanity
My friend from The Art of Bleeding, made a music video about Ronald William Brown, the cannibal, pedophile, Christian puppeteer. Enjoy!