- Can’t carve worth a shit? You can buy a California organic “Pumpkenstein.” The price for this molded monster masterpiece? $75!
- In more monster pumpkin news, this 2,058 pound pumpkin set a record.
- Just in time for Halloween, the “Wasco Clown” is creeping out residents in this California town. More clowns are popping up all over Bakersfield, even arming themselves with knives. But that’s not weird for Bakersfield since that place is like Florida, only smaller.
- And yes Florida is still the weirdest city in the U.S. This Florida man said he could speak to animals and claimed some property as his since his sister was burned there as a witch. All while wielding a chain over his head. After being shot he “began dancing and flailing his arms.”
- A teenage girl dies during an exorcism in an Indian town.
- Exorcisms are not only still popular, but there are more exorcisms in the U.S. than ever before. The Catholic church has 10 “official” U.S. exorcists and there are hundreds of exorcism ministries in operation today.
- Ebola, Ebola, Ebola! Just to put things in perspective, 4,033 have died so far from this recent Ebola outbreak, while over 700,000 people die from diseases (mainly malaria) carried by mosquitoes every year. The flu, tuberculosis, and AIDS also kills millions of people every year and are easier to catch.
- A vampire grave has been unearthed in Bulgaria. The skeleton was found with a stake through its heart.
And for our final spooky story in this Halloween edition of the Bizarro New Roundup:
- Tupac and Karen Carpenter’s ghosts haunt DJ Quick. Damn, TMZ videos are fucking annoying. Don’t click on that link. I warned you!
Until next time Bizarros!
News of nonstop war and social collapse getting you down? Didn’t know that shit was happening? Doesn’t matter! It’s time to slide on down for a Bizarro News Roundup!
- Indian teen with rare medical condition has 232 teeth removed from his mouth.
- Indian man finds a 5-foot crocodile in his shower.
- Have you heard about those mysterious Syberian sinkholes? They look like cute holes to hell. Scientists are still wondering what the fuck they are but now there are some theories. I still think it’s aliens.
- Check out this cool mining town in Australia that exists underground! There’s even an underground pub and bookstore.
- We did not revert back to the 80’s…well actually some of us never left, but technically it’s 2014 and Weird Al has topped the Billboard charts:
- In other music news, Primus are releasing an album of songs from the Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack. Here is a taste of what to expect:
- In Mexico, there’s an embalmed corpse of a woman who models wedding dresses at a bridal shop. Locals are freaked out but deal with it.
- Best mom ever goes to this deep sea octopus who looked after her eggs for 4 years and didn’t even eat! Cthulhu is pleased.
- Treasure news: Man buys cheap retirement land in Portugal and finds over a million dollars worth of vintage luxury cars locked up in the barn!
- Germany is now the penis enlargement capital of the world. Penoplasty is a real word and should be used often.
- A cool German crop circle has popped up out of nowhere. Thousands are flocking to check it out and have penoplasties.
- D.C. hospital rodent infestation is so bad that rodents are crawling up vaginas. That’s pretty bad. Good thing those vaginas were already dead.
- You no longer need to be a serial killer to have your very own human skin furniture! Looks, feels, and smells like the real thing. Just what you always wanted.
- Clowns help 68-year-old clown after she accidentally crashes her car into a pole. Wounded clown is injured but ok. They bounce back.
- CCTV captures footage of a ghost hanging out in a “theatre” in Essex and moving a chair. This happened after a psychic had been on stage earlier.
- You can now send kids to summer camp in North Korea and be a party of a North Korean talent show at the end! Lucky bastards.
- In the most awesome news of the week: cooking with LAVA!
Until next time Bizarros!
Unfortunately, the story about Gordon Ramsay’s midget porn star double being eaten by badgers was an old hoax but damn that was one hell of a headline!
It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on the weird shit happening around the world so here’s the latest Bizarro news!
- “Swiss Cheese Pervert arrested in Philly. I guess he couldn’t find another cheese enthusiast.
- Opera singer out of a job for farting too much. She’s suing.
- German farting cows cause explosion at a farm.
- Couple advertises their home as “slightly haunted” in order to gain more interested buyers but just attracts ghost hunters instead.
- Vice interviews a man who will turn your corpse into a diamond.
- Man crashes SUV into Connecticut gas station, steals banana, eats it, and leaves.
- Mysterious jelly doughnut rock found on Mars.
- “Man fights off shark, stitches up wounds and has a beer before finally going to hospital” priorities…
- Weird, glass, shrimp-like, fish found in New Zealand.
- “Boyfriend assaults girlfriend with steak sauce over ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’”
- Haggis causes bomb scare at Burmingham airport. That stuff does look pretty frightening.
- Havoc-wreaking goblin found in suitcase and scares the shit out of cops in Zimbabwe. It could be the Tokoloshe!
- Oklahoma man kills stepfather with “atomic wedgie”
- Man chokes girlfriend with his dreadlocks.
- Comprehensive lists of random shit people stuck up their asses and other orifices last year. “Lit bottle rocket, it didn’t go well” & “toy submarine” were my personal favorites on the list.
- Hitler’s toilet is in New Jersey.
- Florida man tries to rob a bank with his underwear on his head.
- Florida Man Fights Cops While Also Trying to Perform Exorcism on Son After Meth Makes Him “Abnormally Strong”
- Oregon man fights off 15 cops while masturbating. Yes he was on meth.
- Thai “Snake Girl” attracts tourists and online paranormal fans. She is real dammit! Just look at this photographic evidence:
Until next time Bizarros!
17 days until Halloween!
Time for a bit of weird history and the sad tale of a stinky vampire by the name of Cuntius…
Via Alpha History
In 1582 residents in a village in Silesia complained of visitations from a bad-breathed vampire named Cuntius. Before joining the ranks of the undead, Johannes Cuntius had been a respected citizen and aldermen in Pentsch. In February 1582 Cuntius was fatally injured after being kicked by one of his “lusty geldings”. Before expiring Cuntius lingered for several days, complaining of ghostly visions and feeling like he was on fire. According to one witness, at the moment of his death a black cat entered the room and jumped onto his bed. As befitted his civic status, Cuntius was entombed near the altar of his local church. But within a few days several townspeople reported receiving visits from the dead man. All described a “most grievous stink” and “an exceedingly cold breath of so intolerable stinking and malignant a scent as is beyond all imagination and expression”. A whole litany of annoyances and harassments was attributed to the vampire, including accusations of:
“…Galloping up and down like a wanton horse in the court of his house… Miserably tugging all night with a Jew [and] tossing him up and down in his lodgings… dreadfully accosting a wagoner, an old acquaintance of his, while he was busy in the stable [and] biting him so cruelly in the foot that he made him lame… [Entering a] master’s chamber, making a noise like a hog that eats grains, smacking and grunting very sonorously…”
The people of Pentsch tolerated these nocturnal visits until late July, when they resolved to exhume Cuntius’ coffin and deal with his wandering corpse. They found that his:
“…skin was tender and florid, his joints not at all stiff but limber and moveable… a staff being put into his hand, he grasped with his fingers… they opened a vein in his leg and the blood sprang out fresh as in the living.”
After a brief judicial hearing Cuntius’ body was thrown onto a bonfire and burned, then hacked to pieces and crushed to ashes. As might be expected, the spirit of Cuntius ceased its nocturnal visits. By coincidence, the village of Pentsch became the town of Horni Benesov – the ancestral home of US Secretary of State John Kerry.
Source: Various inc. Henry More, An Antidote against Atheism (Book III), 1655.
18 Days Until Halloween!
One of my favorite ways to interact with people online is to exchange weird youtube videos with them. It’s like a bizarre online mating dance, especially when they post something really twisted you’ve never seen before that totally speaks to you. Youtube partying with someone is showing someone a window into your mind and looking into theirs, and being like “wow they are just as fucked up as I am!” It’s comforting and sexy. I love twisted minds with twisted tastes!
I’ll post 12 videos to get the Bizarro youtube party started. Feel free to post some links to weird videos you like in the comments! Show me how twisted you are!
Someone made a toy doll version of The Human Centipede and shows you how to make one too:
It would also be a good costume:
One of those found footage, Blair Witch-type shorts, “No Through Road” was a video found in car with 4 dead 17-year-old boys.
And now for the weather:
Nothing puts me in the Halloween spirit like SKELETONS! Especially vintage ones!
Slenderman has some competition. Meet Mr. Welldone:
OMG Everything is Terrible made a dog version of The Holy Mountain!
Someone made a surreal video for “Fear of the Future” by The Residents. The results are mind-blowing!
A robot head dancing to Mambo No. 5
Animatronic Hitler head singing “Snails IS People Too”
I can’t make a Halloween countdown youtube post without posting a Fewdio video. One of the best horror short movie makers on youtube! The story lines are always original and creepy. This is a great one about a Vaudeville couple and a ventriloquist dummy.
Great stop-motion tribute to David Firth.
Another great youtube account is MrCreepyPasta who narrates some of the best creepypasta stories.
Big thank you to Joe Holliday for sharing some of his youtube porn collection with me! Now post your creepy youtube porn in the comments!
By Sam Reeve
My rating: 7/10
Not to be confused with the bad American remake, Shutter is a great Thai horror with plenty of creepiness to go around. Like many Asian horror films, it features a female ghost with long black hair who haunts the shit out of a bunch of people and crawls around on all fours. Besides this staple, Shutter is a fresh plate of horror with some surprises and a good cast.
Tun, a photographer, and his girlfriend Jane are driving home late one night from a wedding party when they run over a girl. Tun insists on speeding off despite Jane’s wishes. It doesn’t take long for strange things to start happening after the accident, though upon inquiry they discover no one was taken to the hospital that night. Spirit-like marks show up on Tun’s photos, and both he and his girlfriend have terrible nightmares. Haunted day and night by what seemed to be a vengeful spirit, Jane starts looking into the spirit photos for clues and uncovers Tun’s dark past and the identity of the ghost.
Shutter is definitely not to be missed. One thing I noticed about the film (and loved) is it only had a single scene that was funny. One little bit of comedic relief, and the rest was just horror and mystery. For the curious, I’ve posted that scene below, because it’s total gold. Below that you’ll find the full movie with English subtitles. Seen Shutter? Let us know what you think in the comments below!
Most of these sites are from the “golden age” of the internet and some are newer. They all have something in common, whoever created them wanted to scare you, make you go “WTF,” or even join their apocalypse cult. Enjoy!
1) Dong Ghost, a creepy Korean comic translated in English. Proceed at your own risk!
2) More WTF than creepy. It’s entertaining. Just keep clicking.
3) If there was ever a haunted site, magibon is it.
4) Official site of the Nike-wearing doomsday cult. Prepare for an internet time warp!
5) Occult magick fun. Abracadabra.
6) ” WARNING: This website contains both a hypnotic induction and subliminals and is both mentally and psychologically toxic.”
7) “WWYS® has been formed by a consortium of international companies – including leading financial and genetic research institutions – to create a product that gives you an actual CASH VALUE for your soul.”
8) WhatHappenedtoSarah is a great “clicky” paranormal site with high quality creepy vimeo videos.
9) Want the latest updates on the Loch Ness monster and other cryptozoology news?
11) Don’t worry, this won’t give you a virus. Internet on speed. Keep clicking.
Now I’m feeling nostalgic.