- Can’t carve worth a shit? You can buy a California organic “Pumpkenstein.” The price for this molded monster masterpiece? $75!
- In more monster pumpkin news, this 2,058 pound pumpkin set a record.
- Just in time for Halloween, the “Wasco Clown” is creeping out residents in this California town. More clowns are popping up all over Bakersfield, even arming themselves with knives. But that’s not weird for Bakersfield since that place is like Florida, only smaller.
- And yes Florida is still the weirdest city in the U.S. This Florida man said he could speak to animals and claimed some property as his since his sister was burned there as a witch. All while wielding a chain over his head. After being shot he “began dancing and flailing his arms.”
- A teenage girl dies during an exorcism in an Indian town.
- Exorcisms are not only still popular, but there are more exorcisms in the U.S. than ever before. The Catholic church has 10 “official” U.S. exorcists and there are hundreds of exorcism ministries in operation today.
- Ebola, Ebola, Ebola! Just to put things in perspective, 4,033 have died so far from this recent Ebola outbreak, while over 700,000 people die from diseases (mainly malaria) carried by mosquitoes every year. The flu, tuberculosis, and AIDS also kills millions of people every year and are easier to catch.
- A vampire grave has been unearthed in Bulgaria. The skeleton was found with a stake through its heart.
And for our final spooky story in this Halloween edition of the Bizarro New Roundup:
- Tupac and Karen Carpenter’s ghosts haunt DJ Quick. Damn, TMZ videos are fucking annoying. Don’t click on that link. I warned you!
Until next time Bizarros!
News of nonstop war and social collapse getting you down? Didn’t know that shit was happening? Doesn’t matter! It’s time to slide on down for a Bizarro News Roundup!
- Indian teen with rare medical condition has 232 teeth removed from his mouth.
- Indian man finds a 5-foot crocodile in his shower.
- Have you heard about those mysterious Syberian sinkholes? They look like cute holes to hell. Scientists are still wondering what the fuck they are but now there are some theories. I still think it’s aliens.
- Check out this cool mining town in Australia that exists underground! There’s even an underground pub and bookstore.
- We did not revert back to the 80’s…well actually some of us never left, but technically it’s 2014 and Weird Al has topped the Billboard charts:
- In other music news, Primus are releasing an album of songs from the Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack. Here is a taste of what to expect:
- In Mexico, there’s an embalmed corpse of a woman who models wedding dresses at a bridal shop. Locals are freaked out but deal with it.
- Best mom ever goes to this deep sea octopus who looked after her eggs for 4 years and didn’t even eat! Cthulhu is pleased.
- Treasure news: Man buys cheap retirement land in Portugal and finds over a million dollars worth of vintage luxury cars locked up in the barn!
- Germany is now the penis enlargement capital of the world. Penoplasty is a real word and should be used often.
- A cool German crop circle has popped up out of nowhere. Thousands are flocking to check it out and have penoplasties.
- D.C. hospital rodent infestation is so bad that rodents are crawling up vaginas. That’s pretty bad. Good thing those vaginas were already dead.
- You no longer need to be a serial killer to have your very own human skin furniture! Looks, feels, and smells like the real thing. Just what you always wanted.
- Clowns help 68-year-old clown after she accidentally crashes her car into a pole. Wounded clown is injured but ok. They bounce back.
- CCTV captures footage of a ghost hanging out in a “theatre” in Essex and moving a chair. This happened after a psychic had been on stage earlier.
- You can now send kids to summer camp in North Korea and be a party of a North Korean talent show at the end! Lucky bastards.
- In the most awesome news of the week: cooking with LAVA!
Until next time Bizarros!
This first Bizarro short is pretty much Batman with clowns. I love clowns.
A beautifully made, dark, creepy, stop-motion animation about birth and decay.
Avey Tare from Animal Collective created this music video to promote his album “Enter the Slasher House.” Little Fang, the cat vampire-looking puppet, is from the Jim Henson’s Creature Shop and there is a serious nod to The Forbidden Zone.
A short by Harmony Korine!
A Texas sheriff battles aliens who want to snatch everyone’s thumbs. A very Bizarro stop-motion animation!
If you’ve never heard of Meatball Machine, here’s the plot:
“Yōji is a young lonely factory worker who falls for an equally lonely girl co-worker, Sachiko, but is unable to tell her of his interest. After he is assaulted in a theater by a crossdresser, Yōji finds what looks like an alien insect and hides it in his room. The next night, he comes across Sachiko being sexually attacked by another fellow worker. He attempts to come to her aid but is beaten. Sachiko feels sorry for him and returns with him to his apartment. During this encounter, Sachiko is attacked by the alien object which penetrates her and turns her into a bio-mechanical monster, a NecroBorg. These parasites take over human bodies and use their flesh to create weapons which they use to fight each other. Yōji is also infected and the plot eventually leads to a showdown fight to the death between the two would-be lovers. A side plot concerns a father who is out to kill the NecroBorgs who have also infected his daughter.”
I had to cut and paste that from wikipedia because really there’s no way in hell I would have been able to explain it using my own words. There really aren’t any words. Anyway, this rock-video-like short is a prequel to the movie and will help explain the movie better…or at least I think it’s supposed to. If you like Troma-esque Japanese campy splatter randomness, you’ll love this:
Until next time Bizarros!
By Sam Reeve
Jim Sheely, aka Ojimbo, is a multi-talented artist who not only illustrates and paints, but carves wood! His work often incorporates circus and freak show imagery. To see more from Ojimbo, visit his Flickr page.
3 days until Halloween!
A survey found that decorating wards with images of clowns was more likely to frighten young patients than cheer them up.
More than 250 children aged between four and 16 were asked for their opinions – and every single one said they disliked clowns as part of hospital decor.
Even some of the older children said they found clowns scary, Nursing Standard magazine reported.
The youngsters were questioned by the University of Sheffield for the Space To Care study aimed at improving hospital design for children.
“As adults we make assumptions about what works for children,” said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.
“We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them frightening and unknowable.”
- A Ukrainian couple were hit by a train while having sex on the train tracks. The woman was killed instantly and the man’s legs were torn off. In a statement to police he said “…my girlfriend and I could not overcome our passionate nature and wanted to feel a sense of thrill near a railway track,” Fair enough.
- A South Korean scientist was attacked by a cloned cow he created.
- Colombian man overdoses on Viagra and amputates his own penis.
- One of the most bizarre medical anomalies I’ve come across in a long time, a Tennessee woman begins growing nails in every hair follicle in her body. ::shudder::
- In other medical anomaly news, this 4-year-old Burmese girl has a rare medical condition which makes her look like an old woman.
- Doctors grow a nose on a Chinese man’s forehead after getting into a bad accident which destroyed his original nose.
- 32-year- old man who lost a leg in a motorcycle accident now has the first mind-controlled bionic leg. I want to lose my limbs now.
- You know I’m hitting the refresh button daily on the latest robot news. Robots are fucking awesome. This robot not only pours you drinks but can tell when you need another drink just by reading your body language! WANT!
- Woman stabs her roommate because he wouldn’t stop listening to the Eagles. She better not move to Thailand then because “Hotel California” is the unofficial national anthem here!
- Toothless UK man bites his neighbor’s penis for playing his Xbox too loud.
- New Jersey woman throws shit in the face of a parking officer. I think we all wish we could do that.
- A Utah woman ordered her husband to shoot their trailer park neighbor because she said he was “telepathically raping her” and “using crack cocaine to control her mind.”
- Fuck you Miley, Big Freedia, the queen of bounce, and 358 dancers set the Guinness world record for twerking. Go Freedia!
- Meanwhile in Russia, two men get into a fight over Kant’s philosophy while waiting in line to buy booze and one of the guys ends up shooting the other but he’s ok because the gun wasn’t lethal. But isn’t that the opposite of WWKD?
- In most awesome-job-in-the-world news, NASA is offering $18,000 for people to stay in bed for 70 days!
- Being nicknamed “The Real Life Mowgli,” a book has been released about a girl who grew up in the African jungle with her wildlife photographer parents. The book is called Tippi of Africa and the pics are beautiful.
- Worried About Gators, Florida Man Dives Through Car Window As Precaution; Later Admits Shooting Up “A Lot Of Cocaine.” via @_FloridaMan
- In the latest Northampton Clown news, the Northampton clown wishes for less hate and more love. I love you Northampton Clown! But that’s because I a coulrophiliac. Here is a great interview with the Northampton clown.
Until next time Bizarros!