The cult section of the literary world

Posts tagged “christoph paul

Squishy the Cat, the Greatest Quarterback

Christoph Paul is a weird writer and die hard Dolphins fan. Squishy the Cat is Jeff Burk’s obese cat. In a sane world, the two of them would be allowed to lead an NFL football team to glory. Instead, here they are in Jeff’s bedroom giving Jay Cutler the business.


Clash Books releases and pre-orders!

71oe4N7KFHL

“Fresh, weird and funny. Bauman’s work is a genuine surprise.”

–Garrett Cook, author of A God of Hungry Walls

“Ghosts trying to get laid, an “erotic” burning bush, forbidden love between sea monsters and more fill this collection of Torah-influenced bizarro, horror, and pulp fiction. You gotta dig any book that has a recipe for a skinhead-killing Golem.”

–Jeff Burk, editor of Deadite Press and author of Shatnerquake

“Maxwell Bauman’s writing is wacky and weird. The Anarchist Kosher Cookbook is a strange, surreal, and hilarious ride.”

–Danger Slater, author of I Will Rot Without You and DangerRAMA

“Maxwell Bauman is equal parts joke teller and doomsday prophet, and his stories transform the somber and ancient religion of Judaism into a bizarro sideshow of death and fire and very dignified giggling. Basically, he’s a real mensch.”

–David W. Barbee, author of A Town Called Suckhole and The Night’s Neon Fangs

“These stories are weird, punchy, often funny, often emotional, but never boring

— B. Diehl, author of Zellery’s Alley

Get it here!

71VKw07iAML

A love letter to horror films where poems are the paragraphs.

“If Jack Kerouac watched horror films instead of drinking himself to death he still wouldn’t have written this book. But who cares because Jack Kerouac sucked. This book however does not. Christoph Paul has melded two of my favorite things into one hell of a fun read.”

-Philip LoPresti author of Haunted Fucking and Wytchcult Rising

“Christoph Paul wants literature to be fun and with his horror film poems, he does what he does best;  take a giant novelty sledgehammer to pretension and break down the flimsy fake boundaries between junk food and so called literature”

– Garrett Cook, author of A God of Hungry Walls

“A compilation of nightmares divested straight from the lore of our subconscious; horror fans are treated to vignettes of their favorite horror stories captured in wicked language.”

-Vincenzo Bilof, author of The Horror Show

“Christoph Paul proves his poetic chops time and time again here, by letting us fill in the blanks, disturbing our senses, and pointing out the beauty in the blood. This is a collection that no horror-fan should live without.”

-Jay Sizemore, author of Father Figures and Confessions of a Porn Addict

Preorder it here!

71vBmu+n2wL

Phil LoPresti hates everything except his girlfriend Missy, the band Swans, and Clive Barker (except for the film Nightbreed—he hates that film most of all). He channels his misanthropy into his poetry and art photography, but feels even more discouraged when no one buys his brilliant art. He shares his disgust by writing angry ALL CAPS posts on Facebook attacking all the mediocre writers on his ‘friends’ list.

Needing money to get Missy off his back, Phil enters an art & photography contest. He visits a cancer ward for inspiration and steals ‘artistic materials.’ Phil creates what he feels is his ultimate masterpiece. Unfortunately, an elderly woman drops dead upon first glance at Phil’s ‘artwork.’ Her grieving family sues him. Desperate for money, he stumbles upon a mafia money-laundering job selling hot dogs, but that is only the beginning of his problems. Faced with jail time and losing the love of his life, Phil embarks upon a madcap journey through Jersey in this laugh-out-loud irreverent romp into the dark side of art and love.

Praise for Christoph Paul

“Brave in its playfulness, A Confederacy of Hot Dogs brings Bukowski to Bizarro for the Facebook generation. As with the best satire, Christoph Paul’s hilarious no-holds-barred novella has a lot of love for what it mocks. The most genuinely fun book I’ve read in many years.”

— Alexander Boldizar, author of The Ugly

“Christoph Paul might be our generation’s patron saint of crass. Charming, funny, and perverse, A Confederacy of Hot Dogs will have you pissing yourself and feeling warm fuzzies in equal measure. Read it, and set it down, and whisper to yourself, “I love you, YOU F&#K.”

—  Brian Allen Carr, author of Sip and Short Bus

“A hilarious and transgressive love letter to A Confederacy of Dunces and struggling artists in the digital age.”

—  Jayme Karales, author of Disorderly and creator of LowRes Wunderbred

Preorder it here!


Christoph Paul Gets Serious with Max Booth III

Head over to CLASH MEDIA to see two grown men hurl words at one another like drunk jai alai players. Plus this gif!

giphy


Bizarro Features at Litreactor

Our bizarro tribe is producing plenty of content across the net, and recently we’ve infiltrated the ranks of literature-loving Litreactor.com! First we have Christoph Paul, who is a regular contributor to the site, interviewing the founder of Hard Times, Matt Saincome. Fans of fake punk news should enjoy it.

mattsaincome-hardtimes

Then our very own trans superhero MP Johnson gets interviewed by Litreactor about language, masculinity, and her latest zine, Trans Mess. Represent, girlfriend.

translr


Show Me Your Shelves: Mandy De Sandra

Sometimes you do an interview and then life happens and the interview never sees the light of day. That happened to me with this interview you’re reading right now. Luckily, it’s never too late to take a look at the shelves of the queen of bizarro erotica, the great Mandy De Sandra.

GI: Who are you and what role do books play in your life?

MDS: In my mind I am still working for the Dept of Labor and in an open relationship with my boyfriend Trevor. He is very into cuckolding and watches me have sex with alpha studs while we party on his yacht.

Books are everything to me. At my Department of Labor job we don’t do much actual work so I read to pass the time. I read so I can write. I love Bizarro Fiction, horror, and literary novels. People are surprised to learn I only read one erotica author, Tiffany Reisz. I love her writing and The Siren series.

mds1

GI: As an erotica writer, how do you deal with every guy out there thinking you’re just begging for dick pics?

I actually welcome dick pics. I got the idea from the terrific show You’re The Worst. Basically, I save all my dick picks and sell them to SmallPenisHumilation.net. Small penis humiliation fetish is on the rise and most of these guys aren’t packing. The site pays 5 dollars for under 5 inches and $7.99 if it is really thin, too!

mds2

GI: There seems to be an emerging genre that blends satire, politics, and sex. As a pioneer in this area, why do you think we crave this type of literature? How and why does bizarro come into the equation? How hard is it to stay on top of current events? How does our short memory for news affect your writing?

MDS: Someone said I am South Park of erotica. I like that and love Matt & Trey so much, even though they are not hot but I’d let them DVDA with Trevor and Henry Price.

I love Bizarro Fiction. To paraphrase that sexy fucker Brian Keene, Bizarro Fiction is all about being genre fuckers. Why not give weird erotica a good genre fucking?

I want to do stuff besides the news tho. I want to write more about publishing. I am working on something now titled “I Was Published in An Anthology for Exposure, But All I Got Was Fucked in the Ass & A PDF.” Also academia, as I get very excited about the idea “My MFA Teacher Made Me Gay.”

I get requests now to write about people in the news. That is why I did the one about British Prime Minister getting head from a pig.

mds3

GI: If you could have one of your books turned into a movie, which one would it be and how would you cast it?

MDS: My favorite book of mine is Ravished by Reagansaurus. I must admit that I see this book as more Bizarro than erotica even though there is a lot of dinosaur bukkake. It is also my only novella. I would love to see the cast behind Wet Hot American Summer play all the roles.

GI: What’s your latest sexy tale about and why should folks go dip their eyeballs in it right now?

My latest sexy tale is Fox News Fuckest published by New Kink Books. I am a big fan of comic books, I have Trevor collect and then masturbate to the pictures. My favorite is The Age of Apocalypse and this book is part of series I am calling The Age of Trumpocalypse. The second book will be Donald Trump & The Alpha Billionaire Buttrons.

Thanks for having me, you sexy stud.

Love Mandy

mds4

Gabino Iglesias is a writer, journalist, and book reviewer living in Austin, TX. He’s the author of Zero Saints (Broken River Books),  Gutmouth (Eraserhead Press), Hungry Darkness (Severed Press), and a few other things no one will ever read. You can find him on Twitter at @Gabino_Iglesias


Flash Fiction Friday: 2015 New Bizarro Authors, Pt. 2

The next three books to be featured from the 2015 NBAS are:


Arachnophile by Betty Rocksteady (Buy It Now!)

My neighbor dangled in front of me, her limbs working restlessly against a strand of web. Her legs arched and trembled as her eyes acknowledged me. I could see recognition in them, and she wavered in greeting. I nodded, my forehead breaking out in a sweat.

A drop of venom shone on her fang, glinting in the light. She swung into the elevator, her large body arcing gracefully through the air. The limited space crowded us together, and she brushed against me, sending a shiver down my spine. There was a moment where I thought I would run, but the door closed.

We were alone. Her head inclined slightly toward me, the silence heavy in the air.

“Erm.. I hope… I do hope you’re settling in okay.” I croaked. Her eyes shone. She remained silent, but my words seemed to lull her and she turned away from me, allowing my eyes to take her all in.

I had never been so close to one before. The soft curves of her body were beautiful and grotesque, the smooth gleaming shell of her abdomen. The patterns of shapes and colors she displayed were fascinating. She glanced over her shoulder at me, as if she knew I was watching, and something about the way her eyes shone set off a reaction in me, heat filling my cheeks.

The elevator sank down dozens of floors and we stood there together for a silent eternity. I could feel how conscious she was of my presence. I couldn’t stop thinking of the effect she had on me the other night. A faint tinge of that same sweet musky smell permeated the elevator, bringing the memory into sharp focus, how hard I had been. How hard I was becoming now.

Without looking at me, one of her back legs extended towards me. Slowly. Casually. A gentle caress against my calf, rubbing it along the side of my ankle. She paused for a moment at my sharp intake of breath, but pushed just a little further and I felt the brush of her flesh- sharp, angular, inhuman, against the sensitive inside of my ankle. I longed to stroke her smooth exoskeleton, but my hands felt clumsy, sweaty, numb.

The elevator stopped suddenly. We had arrived. She walked gracefully out, her eyes glinting back at me. I stood in the empty elevator, face red, and watched her abdomen sway as she walked away.

What was I becoming?


Rock ‘n’ Roll Head Case by Lee Widener (Buy It Now!)

At the Nuclear Burger Chaino draped the towel over the head and strode through the front door. That felt good. He hated going around back to the employee’s entrance. The manager spotted him immediately.

“Durante, what the hell’s the matter with you? You’re late,” he said.

“I ain’t late, I’m right on time,” Chaino replied.

“Look at the clock, moron. You’re ten minutes late.”

“No I ain’t. I don’t work here no more.”

“What the? Are you quitting, Durante? You need to give two weeks notice.”

“I’m quitting right now and I’m robbing this place.”

The manager laughed.

“Robbing us? You and what army, loser?”

“This army,” Chaino said, pulling the towel from Alice Cooper’s head.

“What the hell is that, a Halloween mask?”

The young lady behind the cash register gasped. “Ew, gross!” she said.

“Durante, put that thing down, get into your uniform and get in back. Now.” the manager said.

“I tell you, I’m robbing this place!” Chaino shouted.

“Pull the trigger, kid,” Alice Cooper said.

Chaino pointed Alice Cooper at the manager and pulled the trigger. Cooper opened his mouth and a giant spider web shot out, wrapping itself around the manager.

“What the hell?” the manager squeaked, trying to pull the web off.

“Empty the registers and give me all the money,” Chaino said, pointing the head at the cashier.

“Sure, Chaino. Whatever you say,” she said, dumping the money into the largest take-out bag they had and handing it over.

“I never liked you either,” Chaino said, pulling the trigger again, wrapping a web around the cashier.

The girl screamed and fell on the floor.

“I’m sorry Chaino! I never meant anything! Just joking, you know. Geez!”

“Point me at that asshole manager again and pull the trigger one more time,” Alice Cooper said.

Chaino pulled the trigger and this time dozens of black spiders came pouring from the head’s mouth, each with a tiny red hourglass on its abdomen.

“What the fuck, Chaino!” the manager screamed as the spiders bit into his flesh, each one injecting its poison.

The manager twitched a few times and then lay motionless.

“Holy cripes, Alice, I didn’t want to kill anybody. I just wanted to rob the place.”

“He was a jerk,” Alice Cooper said. “We’d better get out of here.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Chaino said, glancing back at the manager’s body.

As he hurried through the door he heard the cashier scream so loud he could hear her clear through the glass door. Shit, he just killed a guy. With Alice Cooper’s head.


Slasher Camp for Nerd Dorks by Christoph Paul (Buy It Now!)

He opened his eyes and took one last look at the Finals Orgy. They were now in full-coitus unaware of what Jason saw—a group of nude women and men walking slowly toward them. They were covered in dirt and scars. They kept their eyes on the teenagers like they were prey and their only purpose was to devour them.

Jason was not scared seeing the creepy sight. He let out a big breath and smiled feeling relief at seeing the Fuck Followers.

These nude people who attacked those having sex were scattered all over the nation. They were given the crude nickname because they were neither Final nor Slasher, but they attacked and killed anyone engaging in coitus or anyone who wasn’t a virgin.

When Slasher and Final citizenship went federal, there was an option for people to be in an experimental program to be in neither group but to still help with population control. If you refused to choose you were put to death. 97.8% accepted their new roles of Final or Slasher, 1.2% chose to be put to death, and 1% of old-America chose the experimental population program.

Doctors worked on neurotransmitters, stem cells, linguistic and senses programing believing they could program the group of useless people to attack those engaged in intercourse to stop more pregnancies. Through the experimental retraining program, the 1% of men and women lost their sense of identity and became like dogs able to sniff the act of sex and go and stop it.

The experiment worked a little too well as the “Fuck Followers” as laymen labeled them, went after not just current sex acts but also anyone who was no longer a virgin. The scientists didn’t realize the scent of sex stayed on all human beings. While the Slasher and Final society emerged and stayed strong, the Fuck Followers became the boogeymen that both sides feared.

The only people who didn’t fear them were virgins and Jason sat down against the tree for the first time since he got there, feeling like he could relax.
He couldn’t believe the Finalers didn’t notice how close the Followers were. He felt a little bad for them and maybe even a little jealous. He never cared that much about sex but the thought of Rachel The Slazer made him realize like everyone else he wanted to get laid and also that the Finalers were people and didn’t deserve a Fuck Follower Fatality.

Jason stepped out from behind the tree and called out, “Hey, Finals,” they looked up from bliss, looking embarrassed and angry. “Though I hate you guys, none of us should get killed by Fuck Followers. They are coming for you and you should run.”

The naked Finalers went from anger to concern when they looked away from Jason and saw six Fuck Followers coming from different angels.
“Ooooblow bluckkk,” said a Final girl with an erect penis still in her mouth.