January 12, 1888
When a day dawns warm and mild in the middle of a long cold winter, it’s greeted as a blessing, a reprieve. A chance for those who’ve been cooped up indoors to get out, do chores, run errands, send the children to school… little knowing that they’re only seeing the calm before the storm.
The blizzard hits out of nowhere, screaming across the Great Plains like a runaway train. It brings slicing winds, blinding snow, plummeting temperatures. Livestock will be found frozen in the fields, their heads encased in blocks of ice formed from their own steaming breath. Frostbite and hypothermia wait for anyone caught without shelter.
For the hardy settlers of Far Enough, in the Montana Territory, it’s about to get worse. Something else has arrived with the blizzard. Something sleek and savage and hungry. Wild animal or vengeful spirit from native legend, it blends into the snow and bites with sharper teeth than the wind.
It is called the wanageeska. It is the White Death
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Let’s summon a succubus, they said. It’ll be fun, they said…
I have some friends and we had a crazy idea: let’s summon a demon. Not just any demon but a sexy devil chick that will do anything we want—even butt stuff. It’ll be easy. It’s not like it’s going to work. Monsters aren’t real.
We were wrong. Really fucking wrong.
The demon is not what we thought and it’s making horrible things happen. People are cutting into each other’s junk, some guy is fucking his dog, and sex slugs from Hell are raping us and stealing our semen in order to build a goddamn hive!
We didn’t mean for any of this. But we’re gonna fix it… Just after a few more beers and bong hits.
From Christine Morgan, author of Mythic Lust: the Minotaur, and The Raven’s Table: Viking Stories, comes a sleazy and deviant satire about sex, occultism, and nerd culture.
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Shark Week is almost over, and instead of pretending that human Olympians are what you want to see, we here at Bizarro Central would like to remind the world that bizarro fiction is the premier place to see nature’s greatest killer in literary form. Don’t believe me? Open any one of these covers and witness as rows upon rows of gnashing imaginary teeth rip to shreds the thing you once called your brain… (click the titles for the opportunity to purchase!)
SHARK HUNTING IN PARADISE GARDEN, by Cameron Pierce
The first book by the great Cameron Pierce and perhaps bizarro’s first tango with sharks as a weird trope. This novella features religious time travelers beset by swarms of sharks flying through the air, many of them mutated to look like bananas or Carlton Mellick III.
FOSSIL LAKE IV: SHARKASAURUS, edited by Christine Morgan
A collection of thirty-seven weird works of fiction and poetry, humor and horror, sharks and dinosaurs and sharkasaurs. Sharkasaurus delves into ancient aquatic terror, biting into your fear centers, your sense of humor, and maybe even your erogenous zones.
THE HOTTEST GAY MAN EVER KILLED IN A SHARK ATTACK, by Douglas Hackle
Ever since he was a young orphan, Hansel Higginzshire’s dream has been to break the long-held Guinness World Record for hottest gay man ever killed in a shark attack. Only he’s not hot, gay, and even worse, he’s a character created by one of bizarro fiction’s sharpest satirists.
REPO SHARK, by Cody Goodfellow
A South African repo ninja heads to the mean streets of Hawaii to steal a world famous chopper from Donnie Punani, who might just be the living incarnation of an ancient pacific shark god. Goodfellow’s balls-to-the-wall prose, hyperkinetic action, (un)savory characters, and dark mysticism combine into a weird crime novel that cannot be missed.
MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS, by Brian Allen Carr
A tour de force of grit and weirdness that trounced the competition and won the coveted Wonderland Book Award in 2014. This novella presents itself as a weird western reminiscent of “Terror in a Texas Town,” only with flying sharks. Carr unleashes a godawful bloodbath with intense, muscular prose. The concept is brilliant in its simplicity. The execution is beautiful in its brutality.