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Out Now: Cuidad Revientacraneos

Orciny Press has released the Spanish-language edition of SKULLCRACK CITY by Jeremy Robert Johnson. With a wicked new cover and title, we can’t wait to see Jeremy’s mind-bending vision spread across the world. Check out Orciny’s press release for more information (if you can read Spanish)

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Flash Fiction Friday: Paying You For?

by G. J. Hart

A few moments after the bullet gathers up your heart and scarpers, Jennifer demands you play golf. You must refuse. You haven’t played in years, and your knees will seize like the shears buried that night the moon whistled and kicked the ground. As she swings her Sunbeam into the car park of the abandoned course, she texts to say that, in a ridiculous universe, golf is a sensible way to pass the time. Ignore It.

A few moments after the tractor staggers across three lanes and sends your Sunbeam spinning into the emergency phone box, Jennifer offers ‘the tour‘. As she fingers her tie and mumbles something about free sandwiches, you feel yourself – despite her poor people skills – falling in love. Be warned – her diffidence and largesse are a ploy: if you capitulate, she will lead you beneath unwitting monitions to where – before a boarded narthex – paupers coil and brigands beg and quislings hold their throats. Remember: you cannot demand a refund and there will be no sandwiches.

A few moments after the horses bolt and the lea spits against the squall, you are invited to breakfast. Jennifer drives you to Tommy’s: a greasy spoon converted from a public convenience and fabled for its links to the greensman murders of ’21. The cafe is appointed with plastic chairs, prints of fighting dogs and syringes filled with tomato ketchup and Piccalilli. Jennifer – who you will soon ask to marry – suggests rambling egg, curried toe; dapperlings – obviously and perhaps fried bread. If you refuse – and you must – you will be offered at table at Parsimillion House: a private dining club serving sizzling titles but no taste. Order tap water and heed your father’s advice – only a halfwit pays for the immodest follies of others. Or socks.

A few moments after your roots contract and your neck is set in blue glass pebbles, Jennifer agrees to marry you. The ceremony is brief and the waiting staff familiar. After the last guest leaves, she hands you a beach towel, rips cans from the Sunbeam’s rear spoiler and drives you to the northernmost crater. I have to work, she says and spends the honeymoon flipping derivatives as you sit alone, adjusting your towel and watching the sun settle on the earth’s shoulder like an amber epaulette. Do you feel safe now? She says, appearing over the rim, her face grey as moon dust.

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G. J. Hart has a beard, as he damn well should. He lives in London and argues with himself on twitter, which is not a place. Find more of his stories at www.gjhart.com.

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See your name up in pixels! Submit your bizarro flash fiction to FlashFictionFridaySubmissions@gmail.com.

Out Now: Charge Land

John Wayne Comunale–writer, artist, musician, and not a cowboy movie star–has just released his latest book, Charge Land, which looks like some high-octane shit. Check it out here.

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Jim Charge is in charge. He’s coming through the door with a big dick and a smile, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it! In an attempt to outdo his overachieving father and grandfather he’s taken over the makeup counter of a local department store as his first step on the road to complete domination. With the help of his trusty Number 2, the disembodied head of a shoe salesman, and his never-ending wardrobe of designer suits he’s barreling through any and all adversaries who would dare to challenge his leadership. Not even the President of these fine United States can stand in the way of Jim Charge and his quest to one-up the Charge men who came before him. Put on your lipstick, spray some rose perfume and salute your new flag suckers! Welcome to Charge Land!

Happy Halloween from Bizarro Central

It’s Halloween, which is probably our favorite holiday here at Bizarro Central. We hope you all have fun tonight dressing up as razor-bladed apples and piles of dirty laundry. One bizarro fan celebrated by creating her own costume based on Polly from Carlton Mellick III’s Quicksand House.

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It looks amazing! Here’s hoping that next Halloween we’ll have more people dress up as their favorite characters from bizarro books.

Out Now: Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 5

Rooster Republic Press has just launched the latest volume of their flagship anthology series, Tall Tales with Short Cocks. It’s available on Amazon and features a wide array of authors, including: Bradley Sands, Danger Slater, Douglas Hackle, Jessica McHugh, Andrew Wayne Adams, Jon Konrath, Jeff Burk, Dustin Reade, Jamie Grefe, David W Barbee, Madeleine Swann, John McNee, Nicholaus Patnaude, Crystal Babb, Shamus McCarty, Edmund Colell, MP Johnson, Mike Fugere Jr. and Timothy W. Long.

Editor G. Arthur Brown had this to say:

In the fifth installment of Rooster Republic’s flagship anthology series, we have some really tremendous fiction. It’s great. You can’t beat fiction like this. A lot of kids come up to me and they tell me how great they think this fiction is. I believe them. Believe me, it’s a great collection with some fantastic authors giving us their best work. I believe me. Why don’t you? You too good for all this fun, freaky, and far-out fiction? Maybe go read a book about bird watching, you voyeuristic pervert. This anthology is for connoisseurs who are sick of watching birds. They want to look at words—not at our fine feathered friends. Though, if I’m being honest, I’ve never met a bird I would call my friend. Sure, those doves helped me move. BUT I GAVE THEM BIRDSEED. Real friends don’t demand food from you. They just help you move, wish you luck, and then leave forever until you need them again. The stories in this anthology will be great friends. You can read them, put them back on the shelf, and pull them out whenever you feel like it. Or if you don’t feel like it, they aren’t going to call you up and be all like, “Hey, wanna get something to eat at that new taco cart I saw on the corner of Johnson and Johnson?” That would be the end of American fiction, I can tell you. Not that all the authors in this collection are Americans. Some are UKish, and some, I assume, are also good people. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Chickens Are Birds. Rooster Republic 2016!!!!!

My favorite BizarroCon images: a retrospective

When people say “my favorite time of the year,” I always think about BizarroCon. When it comes to fun, inspiration, friendship, learning, performances, booze, and love, nothing compares to that second week in November where weirdos from all over the world get together in Portland to ensure that bizarro literature and art keep taking over the world. In any case, now that November is almost here (and yes, I’m counting down the days to BizarroCon), I thought it’d be cool to revisit my favorite images from the past four years and share them with you. I’m a photographer, so I usually come home with about 500 pics from the con. These are not the best shots, just the ones that, for some reason, are closer to my heart or remind of some of the best moments from that year.

2012

This was the year of flying noodles and meeting Gutmouth for the first time. Also, with Shane McKenzie, Robert Devereaux, Carlton Mellick III, and Brian Keene around, to name a few, it was the year many folks realized that bizarro and horror walked hand in hand and, when together, couldn’t be beat.

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2013

This was the year that I kissed Steve Lowe, hung out with Rios de la Luz and J David Osborne, got some advice from Stephen Graham Jones, and  watched Karl Fisher, Jeremy Robert Johnson, and Bix Skahill make out. I also realized that bizarros are some of the prettiest people in the world.20131201322013320135201344

2014

This was the year Brian Allen Carr did a reading that changed the way I read in public forever. Also, Violeet LeVoit celebrating was awesome, and so jamming with Andrew Goldfarb, Michael Allen Rose, and John Skipp while Sauda Namir danced20141201422014320144

2015

This was the year the Bizarro Showdown broke down any remaining barriers of creativity, craziness, hilarity, and good taste. It was also another great year for Malort. I finally got to hang out with CV Hunt and Andersen Prunty, look up Christoph Paul’s skirt, and watched meu irmao Pedrinho Proenca work his weird magic on a crowd. Oh, and we all learned that electric shocks don’t affect Kevin Donihe. 2015120152201532015420155

2016

This is the year…that’s coming up. I’m fucking excited. See you there, sweet things!

Weird Comic Watch: aama

This comic is a real throwback to the old European sci-fi comics, the kind that throws a heavy side of weirdness in with the aliens and robots, and was usually drawn by Moebius. It begins with a regular guy living in the future named Verloc. Along with a robot ape companion, he joins his brother on a mission to find some missing scientists and their experiment, called aama.

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Of course, they are soon overwhelmed by the strangeness they find on this journey. It turns out aama might just have the power to create/destroy everything while altering our characters’ feeble perceptions of their dystopian world.

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As the story goes on, it becomes more surreal, until Verloc’s daughter gets involved and begins to harness aama’s reality-warping power.

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Until everything gets all mutated and metaphysical and you’re just lucky you finished this comic with your consciousness intact.

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So if you enjoy weird comics, sublime visuals, and existential insanity, check out aama!