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New Release: Polymer

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“Purple Rain meets Castlevania. That’s the gothic-wrought-iron-elevator-to-the-next-level-of-the-haunted-castle pitch for Polymer, and while it’s dead-on it still only scratches the blood-patinaed surface of Caleb Wilson’s dazzling debut. It’s a postmodern examination of the turbulent confluence of celebrity and spectatorship and fandom. It’s a carnivalesque romp, teeming with bizarre monsters, stranger heroes, otherwordly action, and mutagenic music. It’s lovely, funny, and as unique as a rock opera collaboration between Calvino and the Purple One. This is what it sounds like when bats cry.” — Jesse Bullington, author of The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart

You’ve seen monster hunts before. You’ve watched as a guy with throwing axes and ninja stars ascends stairs to fight a big furry werewolf with tentacles or a floating head of indeterminate origin. You’ve seen hunters. But you’ve never seen Polymer. Polymer’s got style, Polymer’s got sex appeal, Polymer’s got panache. And you, lucky reader, get to join us right behind the glass in Sickleburg Castle where the battle of the century is about to commence. Who is the man behind the music, the monsters, the guts, the gore and the glory? Get ready for an event like no other.

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New Release: Giantess Globalist Sperm War

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In a future maybe not so distant from today, a dirty bomb has been dropped and humanity is forever changed. The boys who didn’t die stayed the same but the women grew into giantesses—walking gods as tall as the mountains. To remake a new and better world, all post-pubescent men were eaten and killed, and the boys who were left were rounded up to live in The Pen and learn to become better men. One of those boys, Tyson, waits on Eve Night—the night before the giantess select who will be reborn through their womb. Men themselves are now the sperm and each giantess selects ten of their favorite men to enter the giant vagina and compete to be the winner and reborn as a baby. Tyson wants the childhood that was taken away from him during World War III, but he must learn to work, fight, and help the 9 others if he wants to be a baby again.

“De Sandra creates a world that plays with edible men, female anatomy, misandry, and what would happen if Beyoncé was as big as a skyscraper. This is giantess fetish at its most lurid and comical, while quietly illustrating the poignant isolation of divided gender.” –Devora Gray, Author of Human Furniture and the Quest for the Perfect Woman

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New Release: Monsters and Animals

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MONSTERS – In one family’s home there is a section of the basement locked-up. After their mother doesn’t come home and their drunk dad refuses to contact the authorities, the kids take it upon themselves to uncover their family’s secrets. What they find is more disturbing than they ever could have imagined.

ANIMALS – In New York City, there is an underground S&M scene where any decadent and depraved pleasure can be had for a price. When a young man gets caught up in the scene and disappears, his friends go in search. But their path will lead them to the darkest pits of human desire.

MONSTERS AND ANIMALS is two novella prequels to the cult favorite hardcore horror masterpiece SURVIVOR. This edition also includes two more bonus stories, “Shooting Schedule” and “Mabel’s Recipies,” that further explore the world of SURVIVOR.

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Flash Fiction Friday: The Sea Slugs

by: Chris Meekings

The man
sailed up to the window.
He was in a coracle
made of a half coconut.
His lips thick with spittle.
His beard was grey and grizzled
long and matted.
Around his neck was hung a bloodied pigeon,
alternate white and red,
with the sign “Albatross” pinned to it.
He wore a bright yellow sou’ester and oil skin
slick with rain and fish guts.
It glinted like ruby suns in custard.
He hailed me
with one hand made of menial things
as I drank my coffee.
I opened the shutter,
clitter-clack.
The air rushed in
filled with the scent of rum,
rotten seaweed and snow.

“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
he cried.
I was taken aback.
I had not known this.
The icebergs outside,
sitting like meringues on deep blueberry curd,
crunched
and the sea
slallop-sloshed
up to the lighthouse’s foot.
Disposable he said?
What to do with this information?
Was it relevant?
I consulted my washing up in the sink.
The spoons thought it was nonsense.
The plate abstained.
The forks thought all information was relevant.
The knives cut my finger.
Blood billowed into the soapy water.

The sailor cried again,
in a voice filled with thunder and love,
“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
How
many years before the mast had he stood?
How
long had he held this piece of knowledge?
Long voyages to the Arctic north.
The tales the sailor could tell.
His words
struck a chord in me.
I looked down at my crossword.
That didn’t fit!
Two across was Tuscaloosa.
The man was obviously an oaf.

He snarled and spat,
“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
Repeated, again and again,
over and over.
A death knell chorus.
It felt like an anchor,
something to hold onto as the world span around me.
Unexpected knowledge,
perplexing and coiling.
Perhaps it was a code?
I shouted back to him,
“Thank you!”
hoping that this was the answering cypher.
Perhaps the tomb would open
and wondrous treasure would be discovered?

His brow creased like a furrowed field.
“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
he insisted, shaking a foot at me.
Frustrated,
“You’re obsessed, man!”
I doubled down.
“It’s the intense cold. It’s got to you!
Rub yourself down with seal fat
and get up against something warm.
It’s what I’d do in your situation.”
He bobbed about
in his coconut coracle,
anger clouded his cheeks.
“I can recommend a good prostitute,”
I offered.
The wind bit and clawed at his face.
Aged, etched lines
of beautiful suffering.
How
much sea had he eaten in his time?
How
many whales had he made love to?
“Are you enjoying this?”
I asked, dipping my tie in the potted lemming.

“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
a howl, an ululation.
I stared down at the telegram
folded unceremoniously
on the kitchen counter,
like a dirty oyster,
filled with a poisonous pearl.
Dear Sir,
Owing to an outbreak
of political apathy,
we cordially invite you to
World War 3.
Signed The Ministry.
I considered its consequences.
Blood and bullets.
Ill-fitting uniforms.
Healthy exercise.
Medals and parades.
“I don’t want to join in,”
I said to the sailor,
“I’ll just keep score.”

“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
he replied.
There was no hope.
Why
wouldn’t he let it go?
Why
was it my responsibility?
The sun stayed where it was,
suspended on the horizon
in fat broken eggshells.
I licked my lips.
This was the very nub of the problem.
Time was obviously wrong.
The washing up had gone rotten.
Old blood, black and
gloomy,
coagulated on the dirty plates.
Where
had it come from?
Who
had bled this blue link to ancestry?

The sailors eyes,
runny and red,
tinged with herring,
cried gloomy tears.
“Sea slugs have disposable penises!”
A tremulous cry in
the freezing air,
wiped away by wandering wind,
lost to the elements.
He pushed off with an oar,
scratching brick sounds,
like breaking chopsticks.
The coracle slapped and
bluffed on the dark, icy waves.
I waved a solitary hand,
goodbye.
My friend left,
disappearing to ventures new,
to give his advice to others that might hear.
Alone,
I plunged my hands back into
the icy water of the washing up.
A cooling balm to sooth my
fevered mind.
The sea slug slithered
up my leg,
leaving a sticky trail of mucus.
Salaciously,
it slipped its penis
into the wound on my thigh.

________

Chris Meekings lives in the city of Gloucester in the UK. If you’d ever been to Gloucester you’d understand why he sits inside and makes things up. He’s the author of the bizarro novella Elephant Vice (Eraserhead Press) and the metaphysical fantasy novel Ravens and Writing Desks (Omnium Gatherum). He is still 58 weasels in a trench coat, just looking for love.

________

Send your weird little stories to flashfictionfridaysubmissions@gmail.com.

New Release: Failure As a Way of Life

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Ryan Noman is stuck in a house on a dead end street in a dying city, a loveless relationship, and a job where the owner challenges his employees to fights in the parking lot. He also has a mystery rash. When Ryan’s best friend, Gus, convinces him they need to contaminate the source of the artisanal bottled water facility where they work, Ryan goes along with it because, hey, what else is he going to do? This proves to be another bad choice in an increasingly lengthening list of bad choices in Ryan’s life. It changes everything, leaving both Ryan and Gus transformed. Thus begins Ryan’s oddly comic stumbling through his dark night of the soul in a book best described as “self-help for the helpless.”

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S.T. Cartledge Presents: YOU READ MY PODCAST

Bizarro author, poet, and Australian S.T. Carledge has created something in total defiance of all the sea of podcasts that saturates the internet. This new and groundbreaking interview format features all the candid conversation of a podcast… but you can read it. That’s right: real, emotional, boundary-breaking revelations and soul-searching dialogue, all in the familiar format of words.

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You might say it’s a blog or an interview or whatever, but RESULTS MATTER. As someone who partook in this interview, I can say that it was a pleasure to chat with S.T. Cartledge, and he really steered the conversation into some interesting areas. He’s already put down some fantastic talks with other bizarro authors like Kirk Jones and Justin Grimbol. Head over to YOU READ MY PODCAST for these stories and more to come.

New Release: Stacking Doll

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For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and “one of the most original novelists working today” by extreme horror legend Edward Lee. In his 56th book, Mellick has created a surreal love story that explores the ugly and beautiful nature of relationships.

Stacking Doll is the story of Benjamin Hammond, a young man who is in love with a Russian nesting doll. But in this world, nesting dolls are not just antique wooden toys. They are a race of people known as Matryoshkans, a subspecies of human who are born with a very peculiar abnormality—they have a collection of smaller people living inside of them.

Benjamin never thought he’d ever fall in love with anyone, let alone a Matryoshkan, but from the moment he met Ynaria he knew she was the only one for him. Although relationships between humans and Matryoshkans are practically unheard of, the two are determined to get married despite objections from their friends and family. After meeting Ynaria’s strict conservative parents, it becomes clear to Benjamin that the only way they will approve of their union is if they undergo The Trial—a matryoshkan wedding tradition where couples lock themselves in a house for several days in order to introduce each other to all of the people living inside of them.

No human has ever gone through The Trial before, so Benjamin has no idea what’s in store for him. He assumes that he’ll love each of Ynaria’s inner selves just as much as he loves her, but as she peels off her layers he realizes that each one is more neurotic and difficult to deal with than the last. And if they’re ever going to be together, Benjamin must fall in love with each and every one of his fiancé’s inner personalities, no matter how strange or disturbing they turn out to be.

From the author of Quicksand House and The Terrible Thing That Happens, comes yet another one-of-a-kind bizarro story that only Wonderland Award-winning cult author Carlton Mellick III could tell.

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