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Weird TV Watch: Blood Drive

Grindhouse cinema comes to television with the debut of Blood Drive on the SyFy channel. Much of what SyFy puts out can be called bizarro, but an entire series about a death race where the cars are fueled by human blood? That sounds more promising than any number of tornadoes filled with anacondas. There’s clearly more gore and guts here than television normally allows, so lovers of weird splatter cinema should check it out.

Out Now: D.O.A. III: Extreme Horror Anthology

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After six years and more than fifty authors, the Unholy Trinity is complete. This third installment in the DOA series offers thirty stories from the originators of splatterpunk as well as the newest voices in extreme horror.

You’ll laugh…you’ll cry…you’ll vomit.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Bentley Little, Jack Ketchum & Edward Lee, Shane Mckenzie, Wrath James White, Richard Christian Matheson, Kristopher Triana, T.M. McLean, Sean Eads & Joshua Viola, T. Fox Dunham, John Skipp, Luciano Marano, Ryan Harding, Kristopher Rufty, Daniel I. Russell, LLoyd Kaufman & Lily Hayes Kaufman, David Sandner, Betty Rocksteady, C.M. Saunders, K. Trap Jones, Hal Bodner, Adrian Ludens, C. Cameron Rossi, Alistair Rennie, Airika Sneve, Christoph Weber, Garrett Cook, Eric J. Guignard, Jeff Strand, Jaap Boekestein, and John McNee.

Featuring authors from the bizarro scene! Get your copy at Amazon!

Out Now: Trans Mess

MP Johnson, author of many weird and wonderful books, has created a zine chronicling her journey coming out as a trans lady. And since I’m a regular guy, I’ll let her pitch this powerful piece of art in her own words:

For those of you who don’t know, I recently came out as a trans lady. I changed my name to Emma, although I’m keeping MP Johnson as my pen name, and I moved to Chicago. Anyway, this has all been a long time coming, but in the process I’ve been writing a lot about what’s happening, what’s led up to this and how I’m feeling about all of it.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I think it’s some powerful stuff, and I put a lot of heart into it. Since I’m a long-time zine nerd (Holy shit! It’s been almost 20 years since I released my first zine), I thought a lot of this writing would really fit that format, so I created a zine called Trans Mess, which is available now. Here’s the cover:

Trans Mess

This is a good companion piece to my book Nails, which is coming out in November from Lazy Fascist Press. That book is a snapshot of one weekend in my life from about 10 years ago. It’s kinda upsetting even when I read it now, just not knowing who I was or how to express my gender identity properly. This zine shows where I’m at now. It’s still messy, but I think I’m in a healthier, more positive place. Anyway, I hope you’ll consider reading it. It’s definitely some of my best writing.

Buy Trans Mess at MP Johnson’s store!

Flash Fiction Friday: Friction

by Brian Auspice

I flip a switch and turn off friction. I slide into a wall. The wall slides into me. Everything and everyone slides into everything and everyone else. We all get a good laugh out of it. I flip the switch again and begin to untangle the mess I’ve caused.

“Ultimately,” some pundit on some station says to the camera. “Ultimately, this whole situation has brought us closer together.” He sticks a revolver in his mouth and blows his brains out.

I turn off the television and stare at my reflection in the black screen. My face melts, dripping prismatic wax onto a checkered tile floor. It coagulates into liquid gold. I scoop it into a mason jar, make a poorly-timed knock-knock joke to an empty room, and dive out an open window.

CUT TO: EXT. SKYSCRAPER – DAY

Seven-thousand hour slow-motion establishing shot of stunt double falling to the city below.

I land on my feet. I twist my ankle. I untwist my ankle and do a one-handed cartwheel. Bystanders applaud. I flip them off and tell them I wasn’t trying to impress them.

“I did it for the lulz,” I say, turning and deliriously skipping down the street, head cocked back to belt out a long and unpunctuated series of psychotic laughs.

I reach the corner of Lo and Main. I sucker punch a pedestrian in the crosswalk. He staggers back and stumbles into a crowd of nuns, setting off a chain reaction of human dominos that wraps around the world twice, coming to a fiery, apocalyptic conclusion at Burning Man.

“All good things must come to an end,” I say, shrugging uncontrollably for seventy-two hours.

I wander off into a junkyard. Scrap metal. Tires. Frames. Fumes, toxic and otherwise.

RECLAIMER ->
<- THIS WAY

I follow the sign, weaving serpentine through the mounds of rust and rubber. I come to a clearing. A shack sits at the edge of a sludge pond. A flickering neon sign hangs above its door. A series of saturated wood shipping pallets float on the surface of the pond. I leapfrog across them, landing on the opposite muddy bank. I lose my footing and slide into the shack’s door. It opens. I tumble inside, leaving a skid of slime in my wake.

“Welcome,” says a man behind the counter. “I,” he pauses, clears his throat. “I am the Reclaimer.” He spreads his arms like a messiah. “This is my domain.”

I survey the room. Dented tin cans, broken toys, half-magazines, warped instruments, discarded personal hygiene products, previous generation iPhones – a collection of temporary one-time relics tossed, lost, and forgotten.

“I’ve come to barter,” I declare. I stand, stride across the room, and place my jar of liquid gold on the counter.

Reclaimer eyes it. He strokes his chin. He reaches under the counter and retrieves a pair of unnecessarily complex magnifying goggles. He straps them to his head and examines the jar.

“Few imperfections,” he mutters. “Some pitting here, bubbling. Otherwise,” he removes the goggles. “Otherwise, of good quality. The contents are useless, of course. Dime-a-dozen.” He places a rusted hubcap on the counter, dumping a handful of chipped plastic coat buttons on top. “And that’s generous.”

I laugh. He laughs. I slam my fist on the counter. The buttons tiddlywink. We stare at one another for five years.

“Very well,” he says. He places a previous generation iPhone on the counter. “My final offer.”

I nod. He nods. I hand him the jar and take the iPhone. I awkwardly bow and exit the shack. I stand at the edge of the pond. I power on the device and immediately download an app that allows me to remotely flip switches. I tap the touchscreen and turn off friction. I slide into the sludge. The sludge slides into me.

________

Brian Auspice exists in an impermeable void between time and space. He is the author of Deep Blue, which was published as a part of the New Bizarro Author Series in 2014. 01001010 01101111 01101000 01101110 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01100011 01110101 01101101 01100010 01110011 00101110

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Submit your bizarro flash fiction stories to FlashFictionFridaySubmissions@gmail.com.

 

Out Now: Gravity

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Flesh magic, ’80s hardcore, immortal aliens. Chaotic detectives and black-gloved killers. Nine stories by the author of Long Lost Dog Of It.

“Existentialist horror that’s never bound to form.” —COMPLEX

Get it at Amazon!

Upcoming Bizarro Events for June 10, 2017

This weekend, Bizarro Pulp Press will be joining Eraserhead Press, Rooster Republic Press, Weirdpunk Books and others at the Bizarro Writers Association table at PRINTERS ROW LIT FEST in Chicago. The following authors will be present to sign books: MP Johnson, Laura Lee Bahr, Danger Slater, Nicholas Day, Michael Allen Rose, Don Noble, The Slow Poisoner, and John Bruni. Stop by and get your bizarro book fix for cheap!

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And if you’re in the mecca of bizarro itself, Portland, OR, make sure you head to the High Water Mark Lounge on Saturday to see lots of cool-as-hell musicians, including a special duet with Erin Jane Laroue and Starr Creek author Nathan Carson!

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Out Now: Fukced Up

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A collection of flash fiction, author illustrations, and manipulated images. Note: If you are a really fast reader, then you’ll probably finish reading this book in six minutes and sixty six seconds. Or if you are a really slow reader, then you’ll probably finish reading this book in six years and sixty six days or something like that.

Available on Amazon