This most important short story collection of the 21st century. The University of Mars’ MFA program will teach classes on the brilliance of Mandy De Sandra’s work. The stories in this collection are full of humanity, Gnostic Enlightenment, and can very well lead to spiritual singularity.
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Collected here for the first time, you will find the patreon reward chapbooks of Michael Allen Rose for 2017. Bizarro. Horror. Weird literary madness. Plays. Syntax. Stories. Absurdism. Sink pirhanas. Weird beards. Floating children looking for their demon daddy. Unbeatable chickens playing tic-tac-toe. Nightmares, and dreams, and smut, and insanity; it’s all right here. This edition of the book has tried to retain the idiosyncrasies of the original published chapbooks wherever possible, which includes graphical anomalies, cartoon panels and liner notes. This is the first volume, which represents the first year of the Patreon campaign, and the original pieces as separate booklets can only be obtained through a subscription to the author’s patreon project. This book was lovingly crafted to allow more people to experience the treasures coming from the project. Be ready. I will burn you down.
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And that’s not all! Michael Allen Rose’s YouTube series Review Me Please is coming back for a second season! Get ready for more music, more drinking and more cat-related cutaway gags!
by: James Burr
The Writer continued to stare at the blank screen, as she had done, frustrated, for the previous two hours. Words refused to flow and her ideas remained stillborn, seemingly loath to join her in the cold and damp of her squalid bedsit. It was then that she remembered a way of triggering creativity, an old Surrealist game, where one would cut the words out of an old newspaper then rearrange them at random, the old words and symbols creating something new and improved.
So she dug out an old copy of the local free newspaper and then with an oversized pair of scissors she set about hacking at the news stories, the tales of new gym openings, charity fun runs or disgraced local Councillors just waiting to be made into something fresh. She then took the words and started rearranging them, creating phrases, then sentences then finally new stories, of a sort.
Eventually she sat back, satisfied with her new tales, some nonsensical but all telling new, unusual but undoubtedly refreshed narratives. But her creative satisfaction was short lived as a night train rattled by, shaking the mouldy windows in their frames, drawing her attention back to her bedsit– the damp patches by the ceiling, the soggy wallpaper held up by Blu-Tack, the cigarette-burnt carpet that fell some six inches short of reaching the skirting boards.
And it was then that she realised that the pedestrian mundanity, the sheer mediocrity of her squalid home could also be improved. So gingerly, with some reticence as she had never attempted this before, she took the scissors and started to hack at her room. Firstly, she cut out the television, Casablanca distorting on its screen, as she peeled it away from the void beneath. Then she cut around the edges of her lamp, the bed, the windows, the door, half of her wardrobe….. She continued to hack and cut and then, satisfied, she started to rearrange the pieces into what she hoped would be a new, refreshed whole. She smiled as Mr Tiddles, with Humphrey Bogart’s face endlessly intoning “Play it again….play it again….play it again….” slinked from his litter tray. The top half of her bed now looked out onto the street as rain pelted upwards against the panes, and the door apparently lead up either somewhere into the attic or out into whatever was now outside. One bedroom lamp was embedded in her bedroom wall where the window had once been, the other window replaced by the base of her wardrobe, a plastic fern lying sideways along its top edge, like a hat.
The Writer glanced around her bedsit, content with her new, collage creation.
It was then that she saw her podgy thighs, untoned despite hours of jogging, her pot belly, flabby and round despite the yoga. She paused for a moment, irritated that the unyielding nature of her body should upset the creative harmony of her new work before remembering that her body too could be a work of art, an expression of creativity, if she so willed it.
So she reached for the scissors and started hacking at herself, cutting and slicing, in this last creative game and final act of self improvement.
Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton while serving as the US vice president. James Burr is the author of the collection Ugly Stories for Beautiful People and is currently putting the finishing touches to his second collection, State of the Nation, and a work of non-fiction which will, he is sure, make him richer than his wildest dreams. When not deluding himself about future success, he can be found at: http://www.james-burr.co.uk/.
Send your weird little stories to firstname.lastname@example.org.
HERE’S A PROMO FOR YOU:
If you pre-order HE DIGS A HOLE from Amazon (or wherever) between now and it’s release date of Feb. 14th, I will mail a personalized Valentine’s Day card with an original message directly to someone you LOVE! “But I don’t love anyone,” you say? Well then, never fear you sad sad human being! Because I will mail a personalized ANTI-Valentine’s Day card to someone you HATE instead!
All you gotta do is send me some kinda proof that you pre-ordered (a receipt or screenshot, etc.) and the name and address of the person you love/hate, and I will send them a card that will get you laid/cursed out. DM me on social media or email at email@example.com
I’m Tiffany Scandal. I am a writer, editor, photographer, podcaster, and videographer. I am the author of There’s No Happy Ending (Eraserhead Press), Jigsaw Youth (Ladybox Books), and the Wonderland Award finalist Shit Luck (Eraserhead Press). I’ve also penned quite a few stories for various anthologies, journals, and magazines.
I enjoy creating things that are weird, surreal, and fierce af. I enjoy experimenting with different voices, genres, and styles. I enjoy talking to people about craft and collaborating with artists to create stronger visions/projects. I enjoy creating things for sake of creating them.
Since the publication of my first book, I’ve always set out to accomplish more than the year before. And so far, I’ve delivered on that. I’ve accomplished more than I ever thought possible in the short amount of time I’ve been at it. And if you’re reading this, I probably have you to thank for that.
2018 is going to be my biggest year yet. I have a handful of books and anthologies lined up for publication. I’m launching my very own podcast in January wherein I’ll discuss craft, feminism, and make a home for all of my lame jokes (and each episode will have a special guest– either a publisher, author, editor, photographer, etc). I have LOADS of travel plans lined up, various book release parties and readings IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. And I plan to document a whole hell of a lot of everything with my cameras. So, stay tuned, it’s gonna be a wild ride.
Thank you for reading.
Head to PATREON to sign up!
From the author of Bacon Fried Bastard and A Town Called Suckhole, comes a countrified samurai epic in the vein of Squidbillies if directed by Akira Kurosawa.
A flood of frogs drowned the cities and gunked up all the guns. Now an evil restaurant chain called the Buddha Gump Shrimp Company rules a finger-licking shogunate of seafood mutants and murderous redneck swordsmen like Jimbo Yojimbo. Jimbo wants revenge on the Company for killing his family and stitching a cuttlefish to his face. After a daring escape, he will hack his way through hordes of crawdad soldiers, a church of quacking gun nuts on a jihad, and Bushido Budnick, the master chef who rules them all. But with every step he takes, Jimbo Yojimbo’s sweet revenge will surely begin to taste like shit gumbo.
JIMBO YOJIMBO is fast-paced post-apocalyptic redneck samurai tale of love, revenge, and a whole lotta mutant sumbitches
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