Halloween Chaos Countdown: Extra Spooky Bizarro News Roundup!
6 days until Halloween!
It’s now the home stretch Bizarros! Halloween is just around the corner. Time fucking flies!
The point of a Chaos Countdown is for things to be completely random. But I have not made it random enough for my liking. There just isn’t enough CHAOS. This countdown feels like it’s missing something. It needs something more like this:
Perhaps come Halloween, I’ll get the right chaotic Halloween combo to finally summon Cthulhu or at least an army of zombies. In the meantime, I haven’t done a Bizarro News Roundup in awhile so here’s the latest Bizarro news, spooky edition muhahaha!!!
A woman who arrived at China’s Changsha Central Hospital with an itchy ear received the worst diagnosis imaginable: A small spider had apparently crawled into her ear canal while she slept, and had been dwelling inside her for the past five days.”
My ear is feeling itchy…
- 3-Months-Old Indian Baby Rahul Suffers from Horrifying Burns for Rare Spontaneous Combustion Condition
- (Reuters) – A mystery man dressed as Batman demonstrated the same crime-fighting skills as the caped crusader when he handed over a suspect wanted for burglary in Britain.
- Yeti mystery has finally been solved…or has it?
- Grieving relatives find a stranger in the casket.
- “Zombie drug” that has been impacting Russia for a few years is now spreading all over the U.S. Much worse than bath salts, krokodil is a super cheap drug made from codeine, paint thinner, and some other random chemical shit that you really do not want to put into your body. The high has been compared to heroin and at $8 a hit, it can seem tempting but the side-effects of rotting skin spreading all over your body is totally not worth it! Check out this graphic video of doctors treating severe cases of krokodil use in Russia. Probably best not to eat anything meaty-looking while watching or do for that extra bit of spooky nausea. VICE also has a good documentary about it.
There is also this random low-budget movie I found on youtube, with a lot of naked chicks called Bath Salt Zombies!
- Speaking of zombies, hold on to your hats, you might be eligible for a real zombie apocalypse scholarship!
- Talk about total Halloween buzz-kill, this British guy has been ordered to remove his Halloween decorations for being too awesome!
- In happier Halloween news, these dudes made a flying grim reaper and scared the shit out of people with it. I love a good spooky prank and can’t resist a great gif!
- Have you read about the only known pair of real necropants housed in the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery & Witchcraft yet? If not, where the fuck have you been? It’s probably the best spooky Bizarro news EVER! Just look at the pants!
So how does one acquire a pair of these awesome serial killer-like duds? Well it’s really easy. All you need to do is…
“get permission from a living man to use his skin after his death.
After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin.
A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper. Consequently the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed.
To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.”
PS – I will never get tired of typing necropants. NEVER!
Until next time Bizarros!