Bizarro News Roundup!
- A Ukrainian couple were hit by a train while having sex on the train tracks. The woman was killed instantly and the man’s legs were torn off. In a statement to police he said “…my girlfriend and I could not overcome our passionate nature and wanted to feel a sense of thrill near a railway track,” Fair enough.
- A South Korean scientist was attacked by a cloned cow he created.
- Colombian man overdoses on Viagra and amputates his own penis.
- One of the most bizarre medical anomalies I’ve come across in a long time, a Tennessee woman begins growing nails in every hair follicle in her body. ::shudder::
- In other medical anomaly news, this 4-year-old Burmese girl has a rare medical condition which makes her look like an old woman.
- Doctors grow a nose on a Chinese man’s forehead after getting into a bad accident which destroyed his original nose.
- 32-year- old man who lost a leg in a motorcycle accident now has the first mind-controlled bionic leg. I want to lose my limbs now.
- You know I’m hitting the refresh button daily on the latest robot news. Robots are fucking awesome. This robot not only pours you drinks but can tell when you need another drink just by reading your body language! WANT!
- Woman stabs her roommate because he wouldn’t stop listening to the Eagles. She better not move to Thailand then because “Hotel California” is the unofficial national anthem here!
- Toothless UK man bites his neighbor’s penis for playing his Xbox too loud.
- New Jersey woman throws shit in the face of a parking officer. I think we all wish we could do that.
- A Utah woman ordered her husband to shoot their trailer park neighbor because she said he was “telepathically raping her” and “using crack cocaine to control her mind.”
- Fuck you Miley, Big Freedia, the queen of bounce, and 358 dancers set the Guinness world record for twerking. Go Freedia!
- Meanwhile in Russia, two men get into a fight over Kant’s philosophy while waiting in line to buy booze and one of the guys ends up shooting the other but he’s ok because the gun wasn’t lethal. But isn’t that the opposite of WWKD?
- In most awesome-job-in-the-world news, NASA is offering $18,000 for people to stay in bed for 70 days!
- Being nicknamed “The Real Life Mowgli,” a book has been released about a girl who grew up in the African jungle with her wildlife photographer parents. The book is called Tippi of Africa and the pics are beautiful.
- Worried About Gators, Florida Man Dives Through Car Window As Precaution; Later Admits Shooting Up “A Lot Of Cocaine.” via @_FloridaMan
- In the latest Northampton Clown news, the Northampton clown wishes for less hate and more love. I love you Northampton Clown! But that’s because I a coulrophiliac. Here is a great interview with the Northampton clown.
Until next time Bizarros!