The cult section of the literary world

Jeremy Robert Johnson: Behind the Music

by Bradley Sands

Four decades have passed since the publication of Angeldust Apocalypse and the mystery of what Jeremy Robert Johnson did to occupy his time still remains. Perhaps, you may think, Jeremy spent his hours playing video games and hacking into people’s facebook accounts after they forgot to log out. But if you think that, you are sadly mistaken. Instead, Jeremy attained the title of the world’s most foremost crunkcore historian. Nary a crunkcore album is released without Jeremy contributing to its liner notes. When the tattooed crunkcore bands tired of including lyrics about getting crunk and penetrating unconscious teenage girls, they turned to Jeremy’s words for inspiration.

Disappointed by futile attempts at being funny, Jeremy fled to Greenwood, Indiana, where his reign as the world’s most crunkcore historian began. While there, he assisted the members of Dot Dot Curve with the help of a driver’s license that proved he was over the legal drinking age. He also invented an entire genre of music just by bending his knees.

Next, he saved Greenwood from dinosaurs.

Then he proclaimed Greenwood as the crunkcore capital of the world. After that, he rested.

Douchebag on a couch

Impressed by Jeremy’s innate douchiness, Brokencyde hired him to write the liner notes for their album, I’m Not a Fan But the Kids Like It! After many nights analyzing the lyrics to “Skeet Skeet” with lead screamer, Se7en, Jeremy bragged to everyone he ever met about his late night discussions with the screamer. Impressed with his name dropping, every crunkcore band in Indiana hired Jeremy to write their liner notes. Pleased with the bottles of King Cobra that the bands offered to pay for, Jeremy took the job. Later, he would expand his horizons by writing liner notes for Mexican trancecore bands.

Two decades later, he got really drunk on King Cobra and wrote We Live Inside You in two hours. We Live Inside You is now available for Kindle.

5 responses

  1. This is preposterous. There’s no such thing as Indiana.

    March 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

  2. What evidence do you have for that statement? Just because there’s no Indiana on a Risk board?

    March 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

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