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Have a Bizarro Christmas

Christmas is actually a really weird holiday, and bizarro writers have captured its weirdness in the past with books like Sausagey Santa and Christmas on Crack. But in 2016, some new voices have come forward to write weird stories about this cherished holiday season.

GIVE OF YOURSELF

Give of Yourself: A Bizarro Christmas Tale by [Widener, Lee]

A savagely satirical look at Christmas traditions in a science fiction setting where giving of yourself is taken to a literal extreme. This is not your typical Christmas story- this is Bizarro Fiction, so be prepared for weirdness!

Lee Widener’s latest excursion into Bizarro, following “David Bowie is Trying to Kill Me!” and “Rock N Roll Head Case,” is another example of his unique style of Bizarro Fiction. Follow the Flortwire family as they celebrate Christmas in a far future world even stranger than our own!

NOTE: This is a Kindle SINGLE, not a full novel, and in the great tradition of Christmas through the ages, it’s overpriced for the holidays! Get it here!

SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER

Satan's Little Helper by [Sweeney, Kevin]

 

Stuffed full of Xmas magic and stomach churning ultra-violence, it’s THE HUNGER GAMES garroted with fairy lights and force fed to THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

The devil only wants to be adored, and thinks that remaking himself as “Satan Claus” will win the hearts of the world’s children. From dictator of Hell to beloved myth of childhood, it’s certainly an ambitious career change.

He totally fucks it up.

Trying to set things right, he invites children from every country in the world to the North Pole to take part in a contest, a scavenger hunt, with the winners becoming his little helpers on Xmas Eve. With Adolf the Red-Nosed Reichdeer and his army of dwarf Elvis Presley clones helping, it’s bound to be a success… Except for one problem.

All the kids are armed to the teeth. And all the kids want to kill him. Get it here!

Nathan Carson reads STARR CREEK at Powell’s

This weekend, Nathan Carson held a reading at Portland’s own Powell’s Books. From all reports the reading was a huge success! There was even cake.

Weird Book Releases, Fall 2016

More bizarro books are dropping for the Christmas season, brought to you by Atlatl Press, Strangehouse, and Bizarro Pulp Press. Click the titles to head over to the book’s Amazon page.

WE DID EVERYTHING WRONG

Abraham Koyfman is a widower of nine months. He works from home selling subliminal self-help tapes for a questionable doctor he found in an ad in the back of a magazine. His meager retirement is enough now that he’s alone and Abraham is ready to quit his job—a task proving to be difficult due to the company’s tactics. The combination of grief and the lack of empathy from his adult children have him ready to quit life, also. On the day he reaches the breaking point his friend Horace pays an unexpected visit with his new girlfriend. Horace’s remedy for Abraham’s plight is to party hard, act juvenile, and take a road trip to confront the doctor in charge of the work from home scam. But will an insufferable friend, a bad case of misanthropy, and the absurdity of modern technology and its sociocultural impact make Abraham’s situation better?

THE MORTUARY MONSTER

It’s Corpse Bride meets Eraserhead despite Gonzalo’s best efforts to live a life like Leave It to Beaver’s. Gonzalo grew up in the cemetery under the care of his monstrous parents and in the company of decaying corpses. As a result, he only desired one thing throughout his childhood: To be normal enough to join society. But despite his attempts at running away from his family, he has never been able to leave the mortuary. Now, as an adult, Gonzalo manages the cemetery. His family has died yet he is still unable to leave. Then, on the night of the annual Cadaver Tea party, something impossible happens—he impregnates the corpse Fiona. In an attempt to normalize the cemetery before his child’s birth, Gonzalo begins to close all the coffins, forever locking the dead inside. Without the intercession of corpses like Henry, the voluntary babysitter of abused children, Lionel, the life-long explorer, Victoria, the world’s first professional deep-sea water ski champion, and Vincent, Victoria’s long-time lover and trainer, Gonzalo believes he and Fiona will be able to raise their child to join the rest of the world. But in the throes of terminal calcium deficiency, Fiona’s bones deteriorate to dust immediately after she gives birth. Can Gonzalo make the young Frank, his now motherless, half-corpse son, normal enough for society? Can he raise his son without becoming like his own parents? Will Gonzalo become the Mortuary Monster he has spent his whole life trying to escape?

TURDMUMMY

It’s one of those days again: you discover tiny Egyptian pyramids and slaves in your stool, and soon, you give birth to a Fecal-Pharaoh, that is cursed… Yeah, it’s one of those days again. Heroine addict babies crawl onto your body, and you become a superhero – sure, the girls dig your new infant-muscles, but you must keep up with the little crying bastards drug hunger. Yup, that shitty day again, when your wife calls for the police and the operator tells her that an officer will arrive in 9 months, and a few weeks later, your woman discovers that she is pregnant with a tiny police man that beats your stick with a baton every time you wanna get intimate with her.
Action, drama and holy fucking fecal matter! Join Turdmummy, the Foreskin-Golem, Craphouse Christ, the fat Christmas-tree mermaid, Prostate-Yeti and Tampon-Steed in a messy, surreal fight against good taste.

BATTERING THE STEM

It’s going to be a long, hellish day on Utica Ave. The employees of Brooklyn’s seediest soul food joint, Clayvon’s King Prawn Chicken N’ Biscuit, have a mysterious new patron: Edgerin. Called a “vagrant” and a “beggar”, he’s got a thing or two to learn them in the delicate art of begging… Within twenty four tense, bloody hours, all the filthy secrets buried under the nail beds of the Clayvon staff are revealed in this darkly comic urban crime story from author Bob Freville.

WONDER WEAVERS

Image result for wonder weavers bialer

Starting in the fall of 1896, something very strange was going on in the night skies of the western United States. Newspapers and law enforcement were inundated with reports of bizarre machines flying over cities and towns, mostly in Texas. There are thousands of accounts in the newspapers from that time; no one knew what to make of them then, and today in the 21st century, we still don’t. There were also numerous reports of odd people or figures manning the airships of unknown origin and speaking in unfamiliar languages. What was going on? Were people on the ground just making up these stories or do we have a case of multiple witnesses to a major secret event occurring years before the Wright Brothers?

Matt Bialer, poet of the weird and unexplained, grapples with the mystery in his epic poem, WONDER WEAVERS. The narrator of the poem is writing a book on the subject while at the same time helping his extremely shy teenage son prepare a book report on HG Wells’ INVISIBLE MAN. He is also continuing his never-ending search for his long lost missing brother who loved airplanes and who first told him about the Wonder Weavers.

Then the key to the mystery of the airships is possibly found: A series of large old scrap books of esoteric drawings, collages and watercolors of these unreal flying machines are found at a garbage dump. The books are from another time and possibly even another realm. They turn out to be the creation of a reclusive old Prussian butcher who lived in Texas in the 1890s named Charles Dellschau. The drawings have German and some sort of code in them and many references to a “Sonora Aero Club.” The object here is to crack the code; the code of human ingenuity. And to soar to the heights of exhilaration and imagination and maybe something even well beyond.

 

 

Cyber Monday is BIZARRO MONDAY

For 1 day only, our entire Kindle catalog is on sale! Including recent releases and best sellers. $0.99 each! Find books by Carlton Mellick III, John Skipp, Jeremy Robert Johnson, Brian Keene, Cameron Pierce, Jeff Burk, David Agranoff, Kirsten Alene Pierce, Garrett Cook, Danger Slater, Robert Devereaux, Edward Lee, Tiffany Scandal, Kevin L. Donihe, Michael J Seidlinger, Patrick Wensink, Molly Tanzer, Laura Lee Bahr, Kevin Maloney, Andre Duza, Sam Pink and more!!

Head to Amazon and fill your e-reader with bizarro!

Carlton Mellick’s GOD ON TELEVISION made into a short film

Filmmaker Gnic Giusto has created a short film inspired by Carlton Mellick III’s surreal short story, God on Television. Congratulations, Mr. Giusto! Thank you for creating this piece of bizarro cinema!

Eraserhead Press & Lazy Fascist Releases: Fall 2016

Take a look at all the weird books available this fall! There are three releases from Lazy Fascist Press…

rumbullion

“[Takes] you on a slow descent into madness.” –SF Signal

“Begins strange and gets quite a bit stranger.” –Innsmouth Free Press

Rumbullion has moments of hilarity, ridiculousness, and mystery aplenty.” –The Arkham Digest

A dinner turned awkward. A card game gone amiss. An old friendship destroyed. An engagement dissolved. A man murdered–maybe even two.

In the wake of a fateful and fatal party, young, sickly aristocrat Julian Bretwynde decides to interrogate all who were in attendance, including the infamous alchemist, immortal, and liar, the Count of Saint Germain. What Julian will uncover about that night, no one could ever have expected, least of all himself. And even worse, he’ll be forced to decide what’s true among the radically disparate accounts of men and women who stood side by side, watching the same events unfold. As he gets deeper and deeper into his investigation, the killer’s identity grows ever more obscure… as does that of the victim. GET IT HERE

starcreek

“STARR CREEK is a phenomenal weird fiction debut. Laird Barron meets Jack Ketchum in David Lynch’s TWIN PEAKS. I loved it!” – Brian Keene, best-selling author of THE COMPLEX and THE RISING

“Carson is a fresh new voice in Lovecraft country, and his prose dazzles.” – Wendy Wagner, author of STARSPAWN and SKINWALKERS

Starr Creek is the debut novella by Portland writer and musician Nathan Carson. Set in 1986 rural Oregon, Starr Creek features Heavy Metal teens, Christian biker gangs, and hopped up kids on 3-wheeled ATVs. They all collide when strange occurrences unveil an alien world inhabiting the Oregon woods. GET IT HERE

glue

Glue is a meditation on grief and addiction, the loss of loved ones, and our incredible power to rebuild ourselves after everything falls apart. Heartbreaking, honest, and all-too-human, Glue is one of the most powerful books of the year. GET IT HERE

…Two more releases from Eraserhead Press…

shtiluck

“One of the most exciting new voices to emerge in years. A deft, masterful mix of both bizarro and horror.”–Brian Keene, author of The Rising and Ghoul

“Dark and grim and surreal.” –Electric Literature

Mondays suck. You get mugged, your car won’t start, you miss the bus, and your stylist burns a bald spot into your head. Suddenly you’re single and unemployed, and the only friend you have left is a cat. By Tuesday, you’ve been murdered. But death isn’t the end. You find yourself on an odyssey between weird worlds, reborn each time you die, stalked obsessively by the man who killed you.

Even in death, you just can’t seem to catch a break. Call it Mercury in retrograde, call it Murphy’s law, call it . . . Shit Luck. GET IT HERE

bfb

He was just another man with a drinking problem. Only, alcohol transformed this man into a beastly hulk named Piggly Swiggly. And since he’s always drunk, big and brutal Piggly has drowned his human half in a sea of booze.

After yet another rampaging bender, Piggly Swiggly awakes in a sprawling metropolis full of crocodile zeppelins, greasy bacon addicts, and worse: prohibition. Trapped in this strange tee-totaled town, he must keep his buzz going or else revert to his weak and vulnerable human form. But even then, Piggly Swiggly’s depraved existence may prove his undoing, especially when gangsters are plotting to cut off his snout, a pig-loving princess is looking to steal his heart, and he must face the worst torture of all…sobriety.

Like a shit-faced Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Bacon Fried Bastard is a brutal bizarro thriller of gangland violence, junkie romance, and alcoholic pork. GET IT HERE

…And, as always, this year’s New Bizarro Author Series…

aunt

Being a teenager is awkward. Being a teenager when you’re attracted to your aunt is even more awkward. Being a teenager when you’re attracted to your aunt who happens to be a seventies pin-up poster hanging in your uncle’s bathroom is almost unbearable. Aunt Poster is a coming of age story like you’ve never seen before, a tale of guilt, lust and obsession with no easy answers. Can love conquer all this awkwardness? Probably not. GET IT HERE

hatesky

The Sky hates Kyle. He’s not sure exactly what he did to anger The Sky, but now, Kyle’s life is a nightmare. He loses his job, his girlfriend leaves him, not to mention he’s assaulted by hail, rain, flying condoms and anything the sky can possibly throw at him. Trees fall on his house, and hurricanes are sent after him. And that’s just the beginning. Enigmatic emissaries of The Sky come and lend their brand of aid, which only succeeds in sending Kyle on a journey into madness, crime, redemption, sexual indiscretions and despair. Can Kyle make peace with The Sky, or will the entire world always conspire against him? GET IT HERE

wolf

A wolf with guitar strings. A turtle turned into drum. An alligator girl transformed into a synthesizer. A golden retriever converted into a theremin. These animals are the lifeblood of prog/noise group 2666. The beasts live in slavery until a sentient golden ax teaches them that they can be free. Their human masters are ruthless, cruel and desperate for fame but for these creatures, life and freedom is at stake. The instruments of 2666 will fight and die for it. GET IT HERE

tetra

How much longer can I live like this, if one can call this living?

The question haunts Bill Vine, an adipose junkie with a mean McRecycling habit, as he goes about the business of resupplying his dwindling stores of body fat. But then one day he has an intimate encounter with the deadly but alluring black goo and crosses over into the neo-reality of Tetraminion. In this new world, a degenerate species of enslaved mutants serve as the primary source for gringe, an unspeakable substance distributed by a faceless cabal known as The System. Intent on more than controlling the supply of gringe, The System will exploit Bill’s innermost secrets and fears. GET IT HERE

Bizarro Beer 2016

They’re here! Every year for BizarroCon we brew beers for our books. This is this year’s batch, including Rumbullion Rum Stout, The Terrible Imperial IPA That Happens, Puppet Skin Wit, Drunk Driving Champion Session Pale Ale, Starr Creek Pomegranate Cider, Bacon Fried Bastard Farmhouse Ale, Shit Luck Porter, and The Complex IPA.

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