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Wonderland Book Awards – Final Ballot 2016

Preliminary voting has ended and the final ballot has been determined. Here are the nominations for this year’s Wonderland Book Awards:

BEST NOVEL

Skullcrack City
by Jeremy Robert Johnson

Zero Saints
by Gabino Iglesias

Ritualistic Human Sacrifice
by C.V. Hunt

Animal Money
by Michael Cisco

Bio Melt
by Carlton Mellick III

BEST COLLECTION

The Art of Horrible People
by John Skipp

Our Love Will Go the Way of the Salmon
by Cameron Pierce

Strategies Against Nature
by Cody Goodfellow

Midnight Earwig Buffet
by Andrew Goldfarb

The Pulse Between Dimensions and the Desert
by Rios de la Luz

We’d like to give honorable mentions to the titles that came close to placing on the final ballot. These titles are: Texas Chainsaw Mantis by Kevin Strange, Cattle Cult Kill Kill by MP Johnson, Jigsaw Youth by Tiffany Scandal, A God of Hungry Walls by Garrett Cook, Clownfellas by Carlton Mellick III, Amazing Punk Stories by David Agranoff, and Rules of Appropriate Conduct by Kirsten Alene

Voting ends October 31st. Only BizarroCon attendees are eligible to vote. Send your votes (one per category) to bizarrocon@gmail.com.

The Wonderland Book Awards for excellence in Bizarro Fiction are presented annually at BizarroCon in Portland, OR.

To register for BizarroCon 2016 please visit http://bizarrocon.com/registration/

MYSTERY MEAT, A Bizarro Comic You Can Help Kickstart

If I were to tell you that there’s a comic book written and illustrated by two of the most talented weirdos who ever stuck pen to paper, you’d want in on it, right?

Well, there is and you can be. From the minds of Cody Goodfellow and Mike Dubisch comes MYSTERY MEAT, a gruesome underground graphic novel that slices, dices, and deep fries the last American taboo: our food.

And it’s already complete! The story’s told and the art’s made, and now you can help get this horrifically beautiful work to life through Kickstarter. The creators are offering a long list of rewards for those who make donations big or small. And they’re already a third of the way toward meeting their first goal. The deadline is August 20, so head to the Mystery Meat Kickstarter and bring something weird to life!

Mind Widening Music: Bizarro Music #5 – Spike Jones

by Lee Widener

In this month’s column it is my great pleasure to present an artist I consider the grandfather of Bizarro music, Spike Jones. Spike Jones was a drummer, percussionist, composer and bandleader mostly popular in the 40s and 50s, though he did release some recordings in the 1960s.

As a drummer, he rose through the ranks, playing in many different bands, combos and orchestras, but Spike wasn’t happy playing things straight. He loved to clown around, and he and his fellow musicians would practice after hours, playing parodies and jazzed up versions of popular hits. They recorded their sessions and pressed discs to share with family and friends. One of these recordings made it to the hands of an RCA Victor executive, who signed Spike and his band to a contract. Their first release waspikegun.JPGs “Der Fuehrer’s Face,” a novelty tune ridiculing Adolf Hitler. It reached number three on the U.S. charts and Spike Jones and his City Slickers became stars.

Just as Bizarro Fiction takes genre fiction and filters it through a funhouse mirror so that it becomes something strange and wonderful, Spike Jones warped popular and classical music so that it transformed into something that could only be judged on its own merits. His version of the William Tell Overture, filled with sound effects and bad jokes, told the story of a very unusual horse race. As a percussionist, Spike peppered his recordings with gunshots, pots and pans, cutlery, bells, whistles, explosions and general mayhem. Here is a theatrical short where Spike skewers a popular hit of the time, “Cocktails for Two,” which includes one of Spike Jones’ trademarks, a vocal affectation referred to as “gugging,” a repeated rapid fire use of the glottal stop.

Spike and the City Slickers, accomplished musicians and singers all, could be seen in movies, endless touring with his act “The Musical Depreciation Society,” and most importantly on the upstart medium of television where he was a frequent guest and had several series of his own. The visual value of Spike’s performances cannot be overestimated. He and his band wore outrageously loud suits, and filled each number with endless sight gags that stretched the boundaries of reality. Here is their version of the popular tune “That Old Black Magic,” with vocals by Billy Barty, one of the original Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz, doing impressions of Johnnie Ray, James Cagney, Jimmy Durante, and others.

One of the characteristics of Bizarro Fiction is that it’s critical of mainstream society and cultural norms. Spike Jones’ music destroyed the mainstream music of the day, and ridiculed high-brow music with his decidedly low-brow antics. In this final clip from his tv show the sponsor decides the show needs a little class. The solution is to have the entire band dress as women. I don’t know how that’s classy, but it sure is bizarre.

There is a lot more Spike Jones on youtube. I encourage you to seek it out.


Lee Widener is a lifelong collector of weird music. For ten years he ran the internet radio station NeverEndingWonder Radio, which specialized in odd, unusual, freaky and bizarre music, and still runs a small Halloween themed radio station, which can be found at Welcome to Weirdsville . He is the author of “David Bowie is Trying to Kill Me!” and “Rock N Roll Head Case” published in October 2015 by Eraserhead Press.

Bizarro Cinema at the 2016 Fantasia International Film Festival

The Fantasia International Film Festival is in full swing, and this week is of particular interest in bizarro world. Mixed in with the deluge of movies and short films on the Festival schedule are some short films based on the work of authors we know and admire. If you are attending this year’s Fantasia Film Fest, make sure you check out these films and support everyone who worked so hard to bring these weird visions to life.

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First is “THE ELVIS ROOM,” a scary short film based on a Stephen Graham Jones story by the same name. That film is actually scheduled for tonight (7/25), and on Saturday (7/30), we get a short film just as scary and perhaps even weirder: “WHEN SUSURRUS STIRS,” based on the short story by Portland’s own Jeremy Robert Johnson. This is one of Johnson’s sickest stories and will surely make the audience squirm in their seats. Here’s the teaser trailer to give you a taste of the squirmness.

Flash Fiction Friday: Now You’re Trenchman

By John Wayne Comunale

Carrie peered through the curtains of her bedroom window. The man was still there. She didn’t know why she expected anything different, since he had been standing on the sidewalk across the street from her house for the last five days. Every time she looked out, he would hold up his hand, displaying a finger for each day he’d been there. It took her a couple days to figure what the fingers represented, but now it was clear as he held up his hand with all five fingers extended.

The man wore a long trench coat that plunged all the way to the ground, completely covering his feet, and the collar seemed larger than usual. He kept it popped up and pulled close to his face, obscuring his features. The only thing she could make out were his dark eyes, shining like polished onyx from the shadow cast by the collar. Carrie had taken to referring to him as the Trenchman. Since his arrival, things had gotten strange, and she couldn’t help but think he was directly responsible, but she didn’t know how, since all he did was stand there.

First the power had gone out, followed by cellular and landlines and the Internet shortly after. Carrie had no way to contact anyone, and nobody could contact her. Her parents were gone now, the first victims of the Trenchman, on the second day he’d been there. Carrie had told her parents that the man had been standing across the street, staring at her window, for the past two days, so her father strutted across the street while her mother watched from the lawn, Carrie from her window. Her father engaged him politely, as she knew he would. The Trenchman reached out and pulled her father’s face off. He didn’t rip it off like the bloody, gore-filled scenes she’d watched in monster movies. Instead, the Trenchman simply grabbed the skin below her father’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and peeled it off like he was removing a bandage.

The Trenchman opened his coat just enough to slip her father’s face inside. His body swayed before collapsing on the sidewalk. Carrie’s mother screamed from the lawn and dashed across the street. She knelt next to her fallen husband for a moment before standing up to confront the Trenchman. He reached out, grabbed her face in the same manner, peeled it away, and slipped it into his coat. Carrie watched as her mother’s body wobbled for a moment before collapsing next to her father’s.

By the fifth day, bodies piled up on the sidewalk around the Trenchman. Carrie could only watch from her window as he removed the faces of most of her neighbors, the mailman, random passersby, even a few police officers who couldn’t call for backup, since their radios weren’t working either. One by one, the Trenchman peeled their faces off with no noticeable effort and added them to the collection in his coat.

Carrie sat at her window, watching the Trenchman watch her. They watched each other until the sun began to rise, and the Trenchman held up all five fingers of his left hand and one from his right. Carrie stepped away from the window and knew what had to happen next. During the whole fifth day, nobody approached the Trenchman. No one else was coming. Now it was her turn. She was the only one left.

Carrie slipped on her winter coat. She stepped into her boots and pulled the fur that lined the hood of her coat close to her face so she could smell it one last time. Then she stepped outside. The piles of bodies looked much different from this vantage point, like they’d gotten impossibly bigger. Thin wafts of steam rose steadily from the bodies, something she hadn’t noticed from her window. Another thing she didn’t expect was the smell, rather, the lack thereof. Carrie thought the dead bodies would produce an overpowering stench, but she smelled only the crispness of the winter air.

There was a clear path from Carrie’s front door directly to the Trenchman, and she wondered if he did this on purpose, having some kind of power over where the bodies fell. The collar still hid his face, but Carrie could see the floating black orbs still trained on her from the shadow. She pulled her jacket closed and held it tightly against her body as she began to walk towards the Trenchman. He stood frozen; the only movement came from the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed calm and evenly. She studied the bodies as she walked by. They all were faceless, only instead of the bloody, exposed skulls she expected to see, there was only blank and featureless flesh. It sat smooth and flat across the space their faces used to occupy.

Carrie stepped up to the Trenchman and stood confidently, staring into the black eyes of his shadowed face. Several seconds of silence passed between the two, and Carrie thought the way his eyes were jumping around made it look like he was smiling.

“You made it six whole days,” said the Trenchman, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” said Carrie, unsure if he expected her to answer.

“Too bad, I can do that standing on my head,” he said and reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. “You’re it! Oh, and good luck beating twenty-seven faces!”

“What?” asked Carrie. The Trenchman had already run past her, down the path, and into the house. The door slammed behind him.

Carrie stood puzzled, staring at the house as if she expected it to explain to her what had just happened. Suddenly, up in the window, her window, appeared the head of the Trenchman. He pulled down his collar to reveal that he was actually a little girl, a little girl who looked similar to Carrie, except for the eyes. The eyes remained black and continued projecting the ominous vibe. An icy wind blew and Carrie pulled her jacket to her body even tighter, noticing she was now wearing a large trench coat that scraped against the ground at her feet. A chill ran down her neck, and she pulled the oversized collar to cover her face and neck. She looked back to the window. The little girl smiled, waved, and held up a single finger. Carrie mimicked the action back to her to signify the start of day one.

She heard someone call to her and turned to see a man approaching from up the sidewalk, weaving in and out of the bodies without giving them a second look.

“Hey, buddy,” said the man. “What are you doing here? You can’t be here. You understand me?” Carrie sighed, and when the man was within arm’s reach, she grabbed the skin under his chin and peeled.

_______

John Wayne is an American actor who died in 1979. John Wayne Comunale is a writer for the comedic collective MicroSatan and contributes creative nonfiction for the theatrical art group BooTown. When he’s not doing that, he tours with the punk rock disaster  johnwayneisdead. He is the author of The Porn Star Retirement Plan and writer/illustrator of the comic-zine: The Afterlife Adventures of johnwayneisdead.

_______

Flash Fiction Friday is edited by Eric Hendrixson, who is mostly biodegradable. He is the author of Drunk Driving Champion and Bucket of Face. You can send him bizarro flash fiction stories for this series by pasting them into the body of an email (no attachments or flamboyant formatting) to  FlashFictionFridaySubmissions@gmail.com. Submissions should be no longer than 1000 words and in the bizarro genre.

Now Available: Puppet Skin

Puppet Skin, the latest book from bizarro humorist Danger Slater, has just been released by Fungasm Press! Fungasm is an imprint of high quality weirdness, and Danger Slater is one of the funniest weirdos in the scene right now. See for yourself by getting a copy right now.

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Hannah graduates from middle school on Friday. That’s the day she transforms into a living puppet, like her parents and teachers before her. No longer a human girl made of flesh and feelings, but a perfect wooden new self, whose strings lead up from her limbs into an endless black void above. With no pain. No sorrow. No sickness. No fear.

But Hannah has begun to suspect that something is very, very wrong. And in a world where emotion is treated like a disease, and unknown terrors lurk inside everyone, just keeping your soul alive past childhood might be the greatest challenge of all.

“PUPPET SKIN is a dark, grotesquely-beautiful Bizarro nightmare fable for alienated teens of all ages. If you’ve ever felt lost in this deranged universe, Danger’s book knows exactly what you mean.” – John Skipp, author of THE LIGHT AT THE END and THE ART OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE

“An innovative circus show of all things weird and wonderful…[Puppet Skin is] The Catcher in the Rye meets Saw in a borderline dystopian fairytale gone wrong.” – CULTURED VULTURES

“Bizarro horror at it’s best!” – SPLATTERPUNK ZINE

“Danger Slater is fearless, and should be ashamed of himself. Thank God he’s not.” – JOSH MALERMAN, author of Bird Box

“Slater has taken Bizarro fiction to the next level.” – DIRGE MAGAZINE

Now Available: Grudge Punk 2: Petroleum Precinct

Rooster Republic Press has released a sequel to Grudge Punk, a collection of bizarro noir by author John McNee. Grudge Punk 2: Petroleum Precinct, is available for Kindle and features cover art that moves:

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The King of Eyes is dead. Long live the King.

The Grudge just ain’t what she used to be. In the aftermath of a bloody mob war, the city is without a kingpin, but not short of hoods spoiling to claim the title. Into the fray steps Lieutenant Sternhammer, of the reviled and corrupt Grudgehaven Police Department.

His mission: rebuild the reputation of his fellow cops and re-establish their dominance in the eyes of the public. His target: the cunning and ruthless gangster, Chupa Junior. His battleground: Chupatown, the worst slum in the city.

No easy task, even without all those other little complications, like headless jazz musicians, duplicitous pimps, a serial killer targeting gold-hearted women and whatever strange, powerful mystery lurks within the bowels of…

PETROLEUM PRECINCT

Get it here

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