By Sam Reeve
For those who missed the announcement or have just stumbled on Bizarro Central for the first time, December is Weird Art Month. I started it two years ago to cope with this month because 1) fuck rain, which is all we get in December where I live, and 2) fuck Christmas and all its bullshit. A different artist will be featured each day, and together we can ride out this blackest of months on a wave of weirdness.
To kick things off I bring you José Luis Carranza, a young artist from Lima, Peru. His vibrant portraits are reminiscent of zombies or disease, but beautiful nonetheless. He’s been trained in the styles of many of the great renaissance artists, but luckily for us he brings something much different to the canvas. Visit his website here to see more of his work, but be warned that it’s all in Spanish.
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By Sam Reeve
My rating: 9/10
Have you ever spent any time observing sheep? They’ve got more personality than any other livestock. They’re like huge dogs, but way more awkward. They’re also cute as fuck and it looks pretty great when a huge swarm of them come running down a hill towards a bunch of screaming humans. Black Sheep is a horror comedy like no other. Zombie sheep? Yes please! Weresheep? I’ll take that too, thanks.
Fun fact: New Zealand is one of the biggest wool producers in the world.
We have little Henry, a farm boy who loves herding the sheep with his farmer father and living in the idyllic New Zealand countryside. After a terrible prank by his brother Angus, and the ill-timed accidental death of his father, Henry is left scarred for life and terrified of sheep. Fast forward 15 years to his first visit back to the farm since he was a kid. Angus has gone into agricultural science to genetically engineer sheep, but some experiments go horribly wrong. Now the sheep are infected and attacking everyone, all thanks to a do-gooder hippie who stole some infected waste. Can they survive the outbreak? Or will they succumb to their wounds and turn into weresheep?
Black Sheep is one of the best “zombie” movies I’ve ever seen. It’s seriously funny, very bizarre and full of surprises. The sheep are as adorable as they are terrifying, and the gorgeous backdrop of rolling green hills was perfect for this gory comedy.
Unfortunately I couldn’t find this one online, and resorted to torrenting it. I tried my best to upload it to Youtube and VK, but my internet connection kept failing me too. I highly recommend you seek it out. You won’t regret it.
Here’s the trailer. Give it a watch!
By Sam Reeve
Language: Urdu and English
My rating: 8.5/10
I loved the living shit out of Hell’s Ground. It’s like a more exotic, Pakistani version of House of 1000 Corpses, and with a few zombies thrown in for good measure. If you fail to see “Pakistan’s first gory film”, you’re a fool. Just look at the poster! For me it was love at first sight.
A group of five teenagers from Islamabad go on a road trip to see a concert. They get lost on the back roads as any horrific road trip movie goes, and run into all sorts of trouble: zombies with a ‘mysterious’ disease, a crazy shaman with a severed head in his bag, and burqa man, a psychotic killer who wields a mace. No doubt the van breaks down, decreasing everyone’s chance at survival.
Like House of 1000 Corpses or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a bunch of the screwed up, evil characters turn out to be part of a big family. It was something I wasn’t actually expecting and it was an interesting twist.
There were so many things I loved about Hell’s Ground, including that its flaws were seldom noticed against the colourful background of backwoods Pakistan. The characters were standard, as was the acting, and you could tell from the beginning who the final girl would be. This hardly mattered when you saw zombies in saris, a killer in a motherfucking burqa, and heard the amazing tabla music that played during the most intense scenes.
I think enough of Hell’s Ground that I’ll be showing it to friends this weekend. If you’re not convinced yet, check out the trailer below. At the bottom you’ll find the full movie with English subtitles.
By Sam Reeve
My rating: 6.5/10
As the title may suggest, Juan of the Dead is Cuba’s answer to Shaun of the Dead. But other than being a zombie horror-comedy featuring a slacker duo (one of whom wields an oar, reminiscent of Shaun’s cricket paddle), Juan is entirely its own film. With plenty of zombie action, funny characters and a dash of politics, this is one movie you don’t want to miss.
Set in modern-day Havana, zombies start cropping up at about the 2-minute mark. The Cuban government claims them to be “dissidents” sent by the Americans to undermine the country.
Juan, the deadbeat dad hero of our story, is joined by his overweight roommate, Lazaro, and his son, as well as his own teenage daughter. With their apartment building’s roof as headquarters, they set up their own business as zombie killers who will rid you of your turned loved ones or neighbours.
The film has some slow parts, and the ending is surprisingly depressing unless you keep watching the credits, but it’s otherwise hilarious and entertaining. The makeup is quite good, and besides some cheesy-looking digital effects Juan of the Dead is a high-quality film with a great cast.
Below you’ll find the trailer, and you can watch the full movie online with English subtitles here.
Ready for another shitstorm of the latest Bizarro news gripping the world? Here you go:
- “A spooky clown has been scaring Northampton residents in full costume and make up.He is red haired and white faced and has appeared in several locations in the Abington and Kingsley areas.A Facebook page has now been set up for the clown called Spot Northampton’s Clown which has already achieved over 3,000 likes since it went live yesterday.The clown has proved a sensation on social media and has its own Twitter hashtag #northamptonclown.According to reports it has knocked on someone’s door and offered to paint their sills despite having no painting equipment.Let us know if you see it too”via Northhamton News
- “Hundreds of rare wild monkeys — some carrying herpes — are on the loose in Florida after a tour guide brought the spunky critters to the state long ago.Wildlife officials said that three pairs of Rhesus monkeys were transported to a park near Ocala in the 1930s by tour operator Colonel Tooey after a “Tarzan” flick sparked a fascination with the creature.But the breed has since boomed and more than 1,000 of the monkeys now live in the state, wildlife officials say.State officials have caught more than 700 of the monkeys in the past decade — most of which tested positive for the herpes-B virus.Wildlife officials now consider the monkeys a public health hazard.”
via New York Post
- Florida is some Bizarro vortex, crazy random shit happens every day there. This asshole beat up a child over an argument about hard-boiled eggs. David Belson slammed the girl’s head against the wall, harmed his wife who tried to save her, and is now thankfully in jail. Domestic disputes get pretty ugly in Florida. This guy dumped a cup of tea on his wife’s head.
- Florida isn’t the only place doing some harm with hot beverages. A 61-year-old woman in Japan killed her cheating husband with a cup of coffee!
- Meanwhile in Florida, again, a man is arrested and found with a crack pipe inside his stomach. Ouch!
- That’s nothing though, Anal Mishaps: US Woman Stuck $5000 Cash in Butt, Filipino Jobert Sucaldito Recovering from Cucumber in Rectum.
- A Colombian woman was caught trying to smuggle cocaine in a fake pregnant belly. This was a new one for Colombian police but obviously it didn’t work.
- An artist has created an “edible opera” using biotechnology which uses a cool facehugger-looking helmet that creates edible algae from carbon dioxide which feeds the algae. “The singer has trained herself specially for this project so that she can further enhance her lung capacity to produce the best quality algae possible. The slightest changes in pitch and frequency can apparently determine the algae’s color, texture and even whether it will be sweet or bitter.”
- The blobfish has officially been named the world’s ugliest animal. I totally disagree. They’re cute and endangered too. Poor blobfish!
- In beauty news, a guy named Herbert Chavez dropped £4,400 on 13 surgeries to make him look like Superman. He now looks like an android which is pretty cool.
- In involuntary body modification news, this asshole tattooed his name on his passed out girlfriend’s vagina.
- A Chinese woman was attacked by a snake that was kept for 3 months in a bottle of wine. Sweet revenge!
- Scientists discover that a species of frog can hear with his mouth using mouth cavities. Gardiner’s frogs are one of the smallest species of frogs in the world.
- Peninsula instructors prepare youth for the zombie apocalypse. “Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic,” a graphic novella geared to teens and young adults prepared by the Centers for Disease Control, has the answers. ‘If you are generally well-equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack,’ said CDC director of public health preparedness Dr. Ali Khan, who appears as a character in the comic book. The zombie comic started as a tongue-in-cheek campaign, but has evolved into a popular way to impress young people with the importance of emergency preparedness, he explains on the CDC web site.” You can read the CDC zombie pandemic graphic novel here.
- Talk about awesome finds! This German kid found a human mummy in a sarcophagus in a corner of his grandparents’ attic!
- 16 human skulls found near a school in Prague. The skulls were said to be from a “private collection.” Ok I want a collection of human skulls. Obtained legally of course.
- Iowa has issued gun permits for the blind. I think that’s cool, blind people need guns too.
- Man sets fire to neighbour’s house trying to smoke out wasp nest. That’s one way of doing it…
- In cryptozoology news, Swiss police are on a hunt for “Le Loyon,” a mysterious creature who has been spotted roaming the woods in Switzerland for over a decade. He is said to be wearing a gas mask, boiler suit, and cloak. “While he does not seem to be obviously aggressive or dangerous, police are hoping to speak to Le Loyon in an effort to encourage him to be less threatening.”
- Joker-obsessed fan stabs a man at the gym and tries to carve a Joker smile on his face when he’s arrested. He also posted “Why so serious?” on Facebook right after the incident.
- Don’t worry, Batman will save us! Batman and Captain America save a cat from a burning house.
Until next time Bizarros!
Too much crazy shit going on so I’ll just keep it simple and post the headlines and links:
- 70 year-old man rams 4 inch fork inside his penis for sexual pleasure, finds out it really, really hurts
- Woman turns up alive — almost two weeks after her own funeral
- Tourists’ shock as Morag of Loch Morar – Scotland’s second most famous monster – makes a comeback after 20 years
by Tracy Vanity
I just watched Poltergeist for the first time over the weekend. Maybe I saw it as a kid and just don’t remember. Of course that “They’re heeere!” part is familiar and the image of the creepy little blonde girl touching the static television is everywhere. I wasn’t impressed by it. It was too long in parts and just too E.T. and wholesome for my liking. I wasn’t surprised Spielberg was all over that project but for some reason didn’t direct it. It felt like he did. I loathe Spielberg films. It wasn’t incredibly awful but it’s not going on my Halloween movie rotation. You know what movie is on my Halloween rotation that sounds like Poltergeist but is a fuckton better? Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead!
Troma has been around for almost 40 years and Poultrygeist is the most critically acclaimed of all of their films. I can see why. Of course I love Troma’s purposely campy gorefests like Surf Nazis Must Die and the Toxic Avenger films, but Poultrygeist has something aside from the campiness, tits, shit, and splatter. Dare I say it has a message?
Sure there’s projectile vomiting, shit, tits, guy in a meat grinder, Ron Jeremy, and a chicken zombie apocalypse…to not totally spoil the film for you…but as The Guardian stated in a glowing review of the movie:
“Poultrygeist isn’t subtle. In one scene a rectum is ripped out and tossed on a sizzling griddle. It’s a wonderfully bold satirical comment on the chemical-industrial food complex that poisons us all, and one that forces us to ask why – in the 118-year history of the cinema – have we never been shown this before?”
No wonder Poltergeist sucked, no ripped out rectums! Not even a splatter of blood or a nipple! I can’t believe I sat though that shit!