By Scott Cole
Recently, some Bizarro Central staffers gave their picks for filling that Walking Dead-shaped hole in your heart. Inspired by that post, I wanted to recommend the outlandishly fun and very weird Japanese zombie film, Helldriver.
Directed by Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl), Helldriver is just one drop in the current wave of hyper-bizarre films coming out of Japan, but oh what a drop it is.
When a meteorite crashes, and the resulting cloud of ash devours the northern half of Japan, anyone caught outside without a gas mask becomes infected. An hour later, they rise from their comas, sprouting Y-shaped antlers from their foreheads (which, by the way, can be ground into a powder and sold as a dangerous, illegal narcotic), ready to attack and devour anyone in their way.
Before long, a wall is built across the center of the country, dividing the relatively safe southern portion of the nation from the infected menace in the north.
But not everyone agrees on how the situation should be handled. There are groups defending the rights of the infected, and others who want to destroy them. Politicians argue both sides of the issue. Eventually it’s decided that the infected must be eradicated for the good of the country, and a woman named Kika is charged with leading a group into the north to hunt down and destroy the Zombie Queen.
Luckily, Kika is armed with a chainsaw sword, which happens to be powered by her artificial heart (her real heart was stolen by her mother, a homicidal maniac whose own heart was taken out by a meteorite that crashed through her chest, starting this whole mess). Her mother also just so happens to be the Zombie Queen.
Among other things, you’ll see chainsaw fights, various mutations, a samurai pincushion, decapitated cannonball zombie heads, a pregnant woman who uses her unborn-and-still-attached zombie child as a projectile weapon, a car made from assorted body parts, and of course a tsunami of arterial bloodspray.
It goes without saying that Helldriver is deliriously absurd, and a whole lot of fun. But it also stands as one of the weirdest zombie films ever made (at least, so far). If you’re in the mood for the undead, but looking for something Romero never conceived of, give this one a shot.
A hole has been left in many people’s Sunday evenings with the recent season finale of The Walking Dead, so we here at Bizarro Central are sharing our favourite zombie-themed media in hopes of satiating your lust for all things undead.
Dead Set – a BBC miniseries about a the zombie apocalypse happening and what happens to people filming a reality TV show.
Crossed – a super violent and sadistic comic series created by Garth Ennis and now a rotating list of writers.
Lollipop Chainsaw – a video game were you play a zombie-killing cheerleader. Written by James Gunn (of Slither, Super, and Troma fame).
Constance Ann Fitzgerald:
Zombie Honeymoon – because I love a tragic love story littered with dead things, a few jokes, and some solid gore.
Fido – zombies = pets!
Dawn of the Dead (2004) - because really, gore FX just keep getting better! And I loved Sarah Polly.
Zombie Strippers – I really thought it was going to be terrible. It was actually fucking awesome. Plus the world’s deadliest “ping pong ball trick”.
We’re Alive – a zombie podcast the just finished its third season. It follows a group of survivors originally from LA as they fight with some seriously scary zombies (and people). High-quality podcast with good actors and sound effects. Features smart zombies and mutated ones!
Zombies and Shit – my favourite Carlton Mellick III book. “Battle Royale meets Return of the Living Dead in a post-apocalyptic action adventure.”
by Tracy Vanity
If you thought unicorns were happy, magical beings they are. But they also come from hell so that makes them even more happy and magical:
Happy, happy, happy, happy…DEATH!
(Zombie Unicorn by ~Koeskull)
If you can’t get enough unicorn in your life (and who can?) then I highly recommend picking up a copy of Unicorn Battle Squad by Kirsten Alene. which is now available on Kindle.
by Tracy Vanity
To say I’m not a fan of Christmas would be an understatement. I’m dedicating this Twisted Tuesday to posting soothing images, videos, and songs to get myself, and anyone else who fucking hates Christmas, through this horrible fucking day.
This post is dedicated to FUCK CHRISTMAS!
Since Christmas sucks, I’m celebrating HORRORMAS! It’s basically Halloween with a Christmas theme. I recommend a Horrormas movie marathon of Jack Frost, Black Christmas (1974 version), Silent Night Deadly Night, and Don’t Open Till Christmas. Any other Horrormas films you recommend?
Tales from the Crypt has a great Horromas themed episode called “And All Through the House.” You can watch the whole episode right here:
There’s even a tales from the Crypt Christmas album! I just found out right now.
The “Unholy Night” episode from American Horror Story is awesome too. The entire 2nd season is incredible. I have a fetish for nuns and mental institutions but who doesn’t?
I’m starting to feel better already. This cheap Thai rum is helping too.
Axe murdering Santas do put me in good spirits.
As always, Cyriak captures the true spirit of Horrormas with his incredible 2012 Horrormas video card.
Happy Horrormas Bizarro!
By Sam Reeve
Jordu Schell is a sculptor and concept artist. He started out making Halloween masks, but has been working in the film industry as a sculptor and creature designer since the 80′s. Though you might not know his name, you have definitely seen his work: His filmography includes TONS of big-budget stuff like Avatar, 300, Hellboy, and The Mist.
Now that he’s an established expert in the field, he also teaches classes at his own studio. You can find more of his work and info on his classes here.
Feast your eyes on his fabulous creations below. Hover over the pictures to find out more about the pieces. Enjoy!
by Tracy Vanity
Zombie insects are nothing new but scientists keep discovering new organisms that burrow into some species’ brain, makes them do crazy shit, and kills them off in some Kafkaesque/Day of the Dead/Aliens way that makes you go “wow nature is a real sadistic cunt!”
Cordyceps fuck up some ants:
Sir David Attenborough is the shit. He should be the only one allowed to narrate everything in life. EVERYTHING! I love that man. I’ve seen that video dozens of times and still shiver in disgusted amazement. Imagine being an ant, chilling, looking for food for your colony, and then your friends frantically tell you to get away from them, and then some fucking fungus breaks through your entire body and kills you? That would be pretty fucked up wouldn’t it?
Cordyceps don’t just zombie invade ants though, here is what they do to unsuspecting tarantulas:
I just read this article about a European gypsy moth caterpillar virus that makes a caterpillar climb to the tallest part of a tree where “their diseased bodies split open, raining infected caterpillar guts onto the leaves and branches below.”
By doing this, the caterpillar guts have a higher chance of raining down on other caterpillars and infecting them and then they go and climb and explode their guts onto their pals until the whole tree becomes a zombie caterpillar apocalypse. This National Geographic article has more details on that particular strain of zombie insect infection.
I tried to find video of that but could only find pics of the aftermath:
It’s not just killer fungi that insects need to watch out for, here are some jewel wasps turning roaches into their zombie bitches:
They can also do it to spiders:
Enjoy, sleep tight! Be glad you aren’t an arthropod. Humans have nothing to worry about…right?
By Sam Reeve
Today’s film for Japanese Horror Month is another Takashi Miike masterpiece. The Happiness of the Katakuris is a farcical horror-comedy-musical that is both live-action and claymation.
A family has moved out to a house in the country to start a bed and breakfast near where a highway is proposed to be built. They’re discouraged at first because no guests are coming, but eventually a few start coming in. Unfortunately they all die in their rooms in bizarre ways, which leads the family to bury them in order to save the reputation of the inn. The highway plans change, which means they have to move the bodies, and lots of craziness ensues.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH IT: This movie is sure to make you laugh, and it’s always entertaining and surprising. Besides an already ridiculous plot, there are insanely cheesy and hilarious song and dance sequences (including one with DANCING ZOMBIES), a compulsive liar love-interest who regales us with tales of his links to the British monarchy, and an explosive volcano!
But don’t just take my word for it, watch this trailer!
by Tracy Vanity
I could just add this to a creepypasta post but ZOMBIES…
A retiree was filmed gnawing at a young man’s arm in a fight for a train seat in a subway in Guangzhou, Guangzhou Province yesterday morning.
The 67-year-old man surnamed Chen scuffled with a 28-year-old teacher surnamed Wu around 8:30am over a seat, and Chen was seen biting Wu’s arm for nearly 30 seconds, leaving blood stains on their faces and arms, an online video showed.
In the 46-second footage, Wu huddled up in the seat to protect his head and dodge the old man’s violent attack. No passenger in the car stepped forward to separate them. They just stood around to film the brawl.
The two men were taken away by police after the train stopped at the next station. Their injuries were not serious and both agreed to pay their own medical costs, the Southern Metropolis Daily reported today.
They expressed regret at the police station and were not detained.
By Sam Reeve
Today’s feature is something that really annoyed me from the first episode, but could appeal to some of you, so I’m going to share it anyway and hope that I’m the sole person who got grumpy after watching it. Highschool of the Dead, like so much anime, was originally a manga series. It tells of a small group of high school students trying to survive the recent zombie outbreak.
I’m going to smoosh my WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH IT and WHAT DIDN’T WORK sections all into one, mostly because I was so disappointed by this show that I have little to be said for the former. I thought, hey, zombies attacking kids, sounds fun! The first seconds of the show jumped right into it, showing the crazies zombies chasing them down. Awesome. We’re off to a great start.
I’ll start with what I did like, which was how the zombies were portrayed: They were fast, vicious and just as they should be. That wasn’t enough to make this show in any way frightening though.
Unfortunately this show was (maybe) created by and (definitely) for the bracket of folks who probably masturbate to hentai and also happen to like stuff with zombies in it. Not sure what I’m talking about? Well, to make a short rant longer, almost every scene, if not every fucking shot, contained tits that made Pam Anderson’s’ look like golf balls, or school girls’ exposed panties. Even when a girl would fight off a zombie, half of the focus would be up the skirt. Ugh.
In researching further, I found out there’s a term for this kind of anime. It’s called ecchi, and it basically means it’s got a lot of innuendos and sexual content thrown in. I wish I had known this prior to watching.
Now I said this before, but I’ll say it again: I’ve never been into anime. That means I really don’t watch it and can’t say whether something is par for the course or not. It could very well be that insane amounts of tits and ass are what makes anime anime, so if I’m just being an ignorant straight female, forgive me, but this thinly veiled porn for pre-adolescents was still not great.
The art seemed standard, nothing special and nothing I would really want to call art, and unfortunately there was too much relationship drama for my liking.
For those wanting some pure zombie action, for the sake of all that is Romero, please steer clear.
For those hoping to ring in Halloween with a half-boner in hand, please enjoy and may Toxie bless your existence, because the world would be pretty boring if we were all the same.
By Sam Reeve
Like many of the movies and shows I’ve been watching for Japanese Horror Month, I found Kakashi on my magical travels through Youtubeland whilst sleep deprived. I went into this film knowing nothing about it and without having read the video description below it. The movie, though not super awesome, did manage to be pretty creepy at times. When I read in the description beneath the video that it was based on a manga by Junji Ito (known for Uzumaki and Tomie), it made sense. That dude creates some unnerving shit.
If you’re not familiar with Ito’s work and still thinking “should I really click that blue link to find out who he is?“, just look at a few of these pictures from his mangas.
Kakashi reminded me of both Twin Peaks and Pet Sematery. It starts off with Kaoru checking her missing brother’s apartment for clues. She finds an envelope with a letter from his ex-girlfriend, asking for help. Assuming her brother has gone to the village from where the letter originated, Kaoru heads there too.
Spooky shit happens as soon as she gets there. While driving through the tunnel that leads to the village, her car stalls. She meets lots of creepy villagers on her way in who don’t respond to her or have vacant stares. All of them are preparing kakashi (scarecrows) for the upcoming kakashi festival.
Kaoru finds the house of Izumi, her brother’s ex, and doesn’t get a warm welcome, but is allowed to stay the night. From here, shit gets weirder with Kaoru having dreams that skirt reality, more ominously silent locals, and hints throughout the film that the scarecrows aren’t what they seem.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH IT: Kakashi was actually a bit creepy. It’s obvious from the moment Kaoru steps into the village that 1) she shouldn’t be there and 2) no one wants her there. That’s a pretty unnerving feeling, at least for most normal people, and I found it getting to me. There are plenty of ghost appearances, plot twists and creepy Japanese hicks to make you curl up just a little closer to your mom’s shitty cat that keeps you up all night.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK: Maybe it’s because I’m tired, maybe I’m retarded, or maybe some of it was lost in translation, but there was some confusing stuff in this movie. Like how I couldn’t figure out until almost half-way through the movie that Izumi was actually someone who Kaoru knew (she was apparently her roommate in school) and not just some random pen pal girl of her brother’s. She does mention knowing Izumi to the girl’s parents, but she made it seem like she was a mere acquaintance from school.
The villagers creeping on the girl was great and all, but it would have been nice to understand their motivations. At first it seems like they don’t want her there so she can’t interfere (they tell her to leave, try to drive her away by saying her brother isn’t in their village), but then they try their best to keep her stuck there (lie about her car being fixed before jumping her). I don’t feel it quite added up, but hey, what do I know?
Below is the full movie Japanese with English subtitles. Happy Thanksgiving!
By Sam Reeve
For those coming in late, October is Japanese Horror Month, as decided by me (because I said so). Each day I’ll be subjecting you poor folks to a review of a different Japanese horror film or anime series. To kick this month off, let’s take a look at Versus, a zombie-action-fantasy-whatever film directed by Ryuhei Kitamura (the guy who also brought us The Midnight Meat Train).
Versus isn’t really a straight-forward zombie movie. It starts off with the protagonist (who’s never named) getting broken out of jail by Yakuzas. A fight breaks out between them when our hero discovers they have a kidnapped girl with them too. Of course he saves her and they flee into the forest, but this forest is special. The forest of “resurrection” brings back the dead, so the bad guys who get killed all end up as zombie bad guys who can still talk and use guns.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Yakuzas are all eccentric as hell and dress like they’re from the Matrix.
The Yakuza boss, the girl and the convict are all reincarnates, and the boss has some plan to use her blood to open a portal and gain power. Wackiness ensues, with lots of bloody fight scenes, cheesy lines, and flashbacks to ancient Japan when the two opponents first fought.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH IT: This film delivers top-notch action, but also doesn’t take itself too seriously, like how the well-choreographed fight moves are punctuated with ridiculous whooshing noises. Tak Sakaguchi, the lead actor, was actually an underground fighter before he was discovered and offered a role by Kitamura, so he actually knows his stuff when it comes to martial arts.
My favourite line in the whole movie came from this guy, the cop on the trail of the escapee:
Sidekick Cop: “Where do we start?”
Big Gun Cop: “Don’t worry, tracking people is what I do. I was raised in Yellow Stone National Park in Canada. I’m a natural-born hunter”
I watched an English dub, so I have no idea if that was a dubbing error, an error in the original Japanese script, or done on purpose. I like to think it’s the latter, so don’t ruin it for me.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK: The only thing I wasn’t keen on was the very, very end of the film. Watch it, and you’ll know what I mean. Imagine if at the end of Inception, when that little thing is spinning and you don’t know if it’ll topple or not, instead of the movie cutting out it actually just shows you what happens. It would suck, right? That’s sort of what happened here. There would have been a great ending with a lot left to wonder, but done in a good way. Unfortunately we don’t get that, and it bummed me out the film hadn’t ended about a minute earlier.
Youtubeland was unfortunately low on good clips for me to share, and this one (which is awesome), is dubbed in French. They don’t say anything too important, so if you don’t understand French I think you could still get a feel for what this movie is like. If you liked the Evil Dead movies, you’re sure to get a kick out of this too.
At the bottom I’ve posted the full English-dubbed copy of Versus that I watched on Youtube (it’s also in HD). Enjoy!
by Constance Ann Fitzgerald
I work in a smut shop. It pays most of my bills and it provides me with endless stories. To supplement my income, I took an evening gig slinging sushi at a local restaurant. And while all the people who work there are super nice, it might make for an interesting night if the sushi was suddenly ALIVE AND HUNGRY FOR HUMAN FLESH!
by Tracy Vanity
One of the most brilliant zombie films I’ve ever seen is a short about a French Canadian zombie clown.
Much has been said about what happens to non-zombies when zombies attack but what about the emotions of the zombies themselves? Superb acting, beautiful cinematography, and a refreshing and unique change from the typical “zombie apocalypse” variety of zombie films. Add to this a creepy clown zombie and cannibalism, and you have one of the most fucked up and beautiful zombie movies ever!
Très magnifique! Check it out:
Was anyone else reminded of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer during that mirror scene?
By Tracy Vanity
Here are the rules:
Post your playlist!
1) Tom Waits – Hell Broke Luce
2) The Misfits – Hollywood Babylon
3) Nancy Sinatra – Bang Bang
4) Current 93 – The Bloodbells Chime
5) Venetian Snares – Bashing His Head
6) Einstürzende Neubauten – Yü-Gung
7) MIA – Born Free
8) El Guincho – Bombay
9) David Bowie – Space Oddity
10) The Misfits – Night of the Living Dead
by Tracy Vanity
Why has no one thought of this already? Businessman Mark Siwak, wants to turn a huge area of abandoned buildings in Detroit into a zombie apocalypse theme park called Z World.
So what exactly is Z World? According to their fundraising website:
Z World Detroit will be a unique and spectacular zombie themed experience park that will transform a virtually neglected section of Detroit, Michigan. Participants will be chased by a growing zombie horde through abandoned factories, stores and homes across hundreds of derelict urban acres.
The city of Detroit is considering literally abandoning sections of the city. While the economic and social benefits of this action can be debated. We think the situation demands more creativity.
The Z World Detroit initiative is a radical rethinking of urban redevelopment and Detroit’s well-documented blight and de-population. It turns perceived liabilities into assets that will bring a renewed vitality to a struggling neighborhood. When done right, Z World Detroit would be transformative for part of the city, it would create jobs for Detroiters and become a legitimate destination.
While zombies are great, the real neat thing about this project is the potential to inject some life into a forgotten neighborhood – with the opportunity to work with neighborhood groups and organization. In short, Z World Detroit would become part of the neighborhood, the center of the neighborhood, rather than something sitting outside the neighborhood.
Here’s the official Z World promo video:
Need a job? Become a zombie in your local neighborhood zombie apocalypse theme park. There would also be a need for makeup artists and costume designers, not to mention vendors disguised as seasoned zombie apocalypse veterans who happen to save you from getting your arm ripped off in the nick of time and take you to their hidden bunker filled with burritos and ammunition.
Entire zombie apocalypse-themed communities could spurt all over our fine nation and the amount of zombie videos on youtube would be epic. Who the fuck WOULDN’T find this awesome? This has to happen. With huge unemployment rates and increased media interest in how much people have been eating each other lately, the U.S. is in dire need of a zombie apocalypse theme park. Several in fact!
There is already a mini zombie invasion happening in San Diego’s Petco Park to promote The Walking Dead. Tickets are sold out. Genius!
by Tracy Vanity
Want to make sure you’re caught up on the latest cannibalism/chemical exposure stories to keep track of the zombie outbreak? Well this post is just for you! Here is a list of all the recent news regarding zombie-like activity. Let me know if I’ve missed any headlines.
(List courtesy of unseelie)
by Tracy Vanity
Anyone can run for President, as long as you were born here, you’ve lived in the country for 14 years, and you’re at least 35 years old.
Even Vermin Supreme.
You may not know this, but Republicans aren’t the only ones campaigning for President in New Hampshire this week. Democrats are, too, more than a half dozen of them, including a guy who wears a rubber boot on his head.
That guy is Vermin Supreme, described as a “satirist”, “anarchist”, and/or “performance artist”. He’s like Pat Paulsen with a big dose of Timothy Leary. This is Supreme’s third time in the New Hampshire primary, his second as a Democrat. At a recent forum for lesser known candidates, he began by saying, “Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough.”
Supreme hopes to fight our “moral and oral decay” by promising a free pony to every American if elected. “It will create lots and lots of jobs once we switch over to a pony based economy.” He also wants to harness “the awesome power of zombies for energy sources” by dangling brains in front of zombies to lure them into turning turbines. That could certainly solve Atlanta’s problems! (A little “Walking Dead” humor there.)
The candidate calls himself a “friendly fascist”, and he’s been popping up at campaign stops for Republicans like Ron Paul, where Supreme reportedly challenged the Texas Congressman to take on President Obama in a “panty-wrestling match to decide it all.” He was seen outside a Gingrich event, chanting, “Newt. Newt. Newt. Surrender.”
Then there’s what he’s done to fellow Democrats.
Vermin Supreme ended his appearance at the previously mentioned candidates forum by sprinkling pixie dust on Democratic presidential candidate Randall Terry, the pro-lifer known for blocking entrances to abortion clinics. Supreme showered Terry with dust and shouted, “He’s turning gay!” Rick Santorum, consider yourself warned. Oh wait, I see you two have already met. Supreme crashed a Santorum town hall a few days ago, entertaining the crowd until he was escorted out (about 4:40 into this video). He later reappears outside as Santorum arrives, baiting him in a Vader-like voice over the bullhorn, “Rick. Rick Santorum…I love you.”
Wowza! This year’s campaign is crazy! I can’t believe how…insane, and…um…wait…
Did he say I get a pony?
By Sam Reeve
Bryan Baugh often pays homage to the classic monster and monster movies through his art. He draws everything from zombies to vampires, but his day job has been animating children’s TV shows like Masters of the Universe and Transformers: Prime. He hopes that when he dies, he’s remembered for creating creepy art.
Bryan has also illustrated his own comics, like Wulf and Batsy, and written/illustrated children’s how-to drawing books. Check out his Twitter or website. Click here, and you can see a lot of pictures of him dressed up on Halloween since he was a kid.