Twisted Tuesdays: Begotten
by Tracy Vanity
Time for an underground classic cinema post. Directed by E. Elias Merhige, this surrealist transcendental horror flick is perfect for a Bizarro Twisted Tuesday night.
Premise:
God disembowels himself with a straight razor. The spirit-like Mother Earth emerges, venturing into a bleak, barren landscape. Twitching and cowering, the Son Of Earth is set upon by faceless cannibals.
So turn all the lights off, put the volume all the way up, and enjoy!
Twisted Tuesdays: Animated Gif Apocalypse #3
by Tracy Vanity
My Bizarro animated gif folder is overflowing. I love animated gifs. I’m fucking obsessed. They are awesome.
Enjoy the madness! Muahahahah!!!!!
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Bonus!
Art from Pure Imagination—Inventing Light and Shadow
When inventing subject matter without the aid of reference images in drawing and painting, there are a few assumptions based on my observations of the real world that I find useful.
1) All light travels in a straight line until it reaches an object, at which point it is reflected, frequently in a radiating manner, the directions of the reflection being determined by the shape of the object.
2) Ambient light is that which comes from reflection. All objects within an environment reflect light, including the particles of gas within the negative space. These reflections bounce all over the place, further illuminating everything within an environment. The more the light bounces, however, the less powerful is its ability to illuminate as it becomes scattered and diffuse.
3) Direct light is that which is reflected off objects directly from a light source within an environment.
4) Shadows occur where light, both direct and ambient have a hard time reaching. Shadows vary in darkness, depending on how close they are to that which casts them. The darkest shadows occur where the influence of ambient light is diminished by how many times it must bounce to reach the area. The farther away shadows occur from the object which casts them, the subtler they are due to the influence of ambient light.
Artwork: “If You Have Any Worth at All” copyright © 1994 Alan M. Clark
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
Crazy Asia: Helldriver
By Scott Cole
Recently, some Bizarro Central staffers gave their picks for filling that Walking Dead-shaped hole in your heart. Inspired by that post, I wanted to recommend the outlandishly fun and very weird Japanese zombie film, Helldriver.
Directed by Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl), Helldriver is just one drop in the current wave of hyper-bizarre films coming out of Japan, but oh what a drop it is.
When a meteorite crashes, and the resulting cloud of ash devours the northern half of Japan, anyone caught outside without a gas mask becomes infected. An hour later, they rise from their comas, sprouting Y-shaped antlers from their foreheads (which, by the way, can be ground into a powder and sold as a dangerous, illegal narcotic), ready to attack and devour anyone in their way.
Before long, a wall is built across the center of the country, dividing the relatively safe southern portion of the nation from the infected menace in the north.
But not everyone agrees on how the situation should be handled. There are groups defending the rights of the infected, and others who want to destroy them. Politicians argue both sides of the issue. Eventually it’s decided that the infected must be eradicated for the good of the country, and a woman named Kika is charged with leading a group into the north to hunt down and destroy the Zombie Queen.
Luckily, Kika is armed with a chainsaw sword, which happens to be powered by her artificial heart (her real heart was stolen by her mother, a homicidal maniac whose own heart was taken out by a meteorite that crashed through her chest, starting this whole mess). Her mother also just so happens to be the Zombie Queen.
Among other things, you’ll see chainsaw fights, various mutations, a samurai pincushion, decapitated cannonball zombie heads, a pregnant woman who uses her unborn-and-still-attached zombie child as a projectile weapon, a car made from assorted body parts, and of course a tsunami of arterial bloodspray.
It goes without saying that Helldriver is deliriously absurd, and a whole lot of fun. But it also stands as one of the weirdest zombie films ever made (at least, so far). If you’re in the mood for the undead, but looking for something Romero never conceived of, give this one a shot.
Twisted Tuesdays: Animated Gif Apocalypse #2
by Tracy Vanity
Enjoy!
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BONUS:
What They Didn’t Teach Me in Art School
by Alan M. Clark, Jill Bauman, Chad Savage, and Steven C. Gilberts
The names of the artist in this post are links to their websites.
I have a degree in painting from the San Francisco Art Institute, and while I got a lot out of that education, there’s much that I learned only after college, in the “real” world. Here’s some of what my professors didn’t teach me:
- They didn’t teach me to be reliable, responsive, punctual, and easy to work with.
- They didn’t teach me how to communicate and make my services as an artist salable.
- They didn’t teach me that the world didn’t need me and my artwork and that I’d have to establish the value of my work before anyone would take me seriously.
- They didn’t teach me that the value of artwork is based on “perceived value” and that it is up to me to raise the perceived value of my work.
- They didn’t teach me that I needed to establish a good reputation for fulfilling the dreams of my clients if I expected to continue to get work (note that I did not say “the needs of my clients”).
Perhaps these things go without saying, but I think it would have been helpful if my professors had addressed them. Of course, I was young and full of myself and not paying attention to my teachers the way I might have. Perhaps they knew this and that practical experience was the best teacher of these basics.
When young artists ask me for advice, the first thing I say is, “Don’t be a flake.” Second thing I say is, “The business of getting work as an artist takes tenacity.” Third thing I say is, “Learn how to raise the perceived value of your work.”
What they didn’t teach me in art school was how to deal with the emotional ups & downs of an art career. That was left to parents, siblings and friends who questioned the practical aspects of my life as an artist.
They didn’t teach me how to be original or to set myself apart from other artists. This I had to discover on my own. They taught basic skills, but not how to “think” as an artist.
Art school does not teach you how to present yourself and your art to galleries or art directors.
They didn’t teach me about money management or setting up funds for retirement or investment. Working as a free lance artist can be a rocky financial road.
They didn’t teach me anything about the business end of art. There were no courses in copyright protection, contracts, tax deductions or artists’ rights.
They didn’t teach me about the struggles to pay heath insurance.
As an artist I followed my dream. I was willing to pay the consequences when it came to artistic, financial, emotion and spiritual challenges. The end result is that I have had a long and fruitful career. I don’t have to retire. Now, I am respected for my experience.
If I were teaching now, I would advise young artists to develop their drawing skills. I would tell them to participate in life-drawing classes–it will be the basis of everything else that they do. Then I would encourage them to find their own way of seeing the world and expressing it visually.
Don’t try to be like someone else you think is successful.
Have your own vision!
Be original!
Dress neat!
1. Personality & Integrity
When a potential employer is first informed of your existence as an artist,
if s/he’s got Brain One, s/he’ll ask his/her contemporaries “What do you
think of this artist”? You’ll be judged and juried without ever even knowing
it, based on (a) your personality and (b) your integrity. That is to say,
based on how you deal with people, and how you deal with your work.
Are you a charismatic character who meets deadlines? You’re golden.
Are you a shy, withdrawn type who meets deadlines? You’re still good to go.
Are you a prima donna jackass who meets deadlines? You might still get
hired.
Are you a charismatic character who misses deadlines? Outlook not good.
Are you a shy, withdrawn type who misses deadlines? You’ll have plenty of
time to doodle.
Are you a prima donna jackass who misses deadlines? Have fun in the vacuum
that is your life.
Be easy to get along with. Don’t miss deadlines. I can’t state it any
simpler than that. Go to conventions and buy the first round. Be funny and
entertaining at industry events. Post to industry message boards and have
something intelligent to contribute. Tell jokes. Be fun.
And don’t miss deadlines.
2. Say NO.
Seriously. Nobody taught me how to say “NO” without feeling guilty. It took
10 years of every sob-story band, writer, starving artist, et al begging and
pleading for my artistic assistance before I was able to say, with 100%
conviction and 0% guilt: NO. You don’t walk into McDonald’s and expect a
hamburger just because you’re a broke musician; don’t walk into my studio
and expect free art. My time and talents are valuable. Period. If you can’t
see that, that’s your problem.
3. Be Professional.
Any industry, no matter what its focus, is rife with political crapola,
rampaging egotism and nepotism galore. Your job? Stay out of it. Rise above.
Don’t engage in stuff that is beneath you as a professional artist, no
matter how tempting it might be. I am certainly not without sin in this
department, but the older and more experienced I get, the more I’m able to
resist it, because I’ve seen how it NEVER works to your benefit. If you’re
known as the guy/gal that is impervious to industry shenanigans, well, go
back and read Rule #1 above.
During my freshman and sophomore years I attended the Louisville School of Art which offered a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) program. When the school closed due to financial problems, I transferred the applicable credits to the BA (Bachelor of Arts) program of a satellite campus of Indiana University. This was the only option financially available to me at that time.
While both programs taught an adequately balanced curriculum of artistic fundamentals, they considerably lacked in teaching even a basic understanding of marketing artwork or artistic skills. In fact, the prospect of creating “art for hire” was largely a forbidden topic. In general, both establishments frowned upon commercial and graphic art and viewed it as “selling out” or “prostituting one’s artwork.” The rule was “art was done for the purpose of creating art alone, not for deliberate monetary gain.” Within the later BA program, this bleak financial future was not helped by the large amount of non-art required (and expensive) courses the degree demanded. Additionally, I encountered what has been a common complaint among many of my professional peers. Particularly within the BFA program (but also present within the BA program) there was an outspoken majority of both upper class-men and faculty that were openly opposed to fantasy and science fiction illustration. Once, when I mentioned my interest in fantasy illustration to a senior, her reply to me was “Don’t worry Steve, we’ll burn that idea out of you.” Ironically she was not saying this to be mean. She actually meant this as a positive and inevitable outcome of the BFA program.
Now I don’t mean to undermine the value of a college education in the arts. My time spent in the classroom was invaluable in learning the basics of composition, design, and color theory. Indeed, I feel that it is my background in the fine arts that has given my work a distinctive edge that helps people to identify my work.
But for the amount of money and time that an art degree costs, there should always be at least the potential of financial opportunity in compensation. Art for art’s sake might be a philosophy worthy of those who are independently wealthy, a Sunday hobbyist, or a tenured professor. But for a large number of artists, illustrating for a living is how the bills are paid.
In regards to higher education, my advice to young artists is that a college degree is a worthy endeavor, provided you avoid some pitfalls.
If possible, attend a Bachelor of Fine Arts program rather than a Bachelor of Arts program so that you will be able to concentrate on art. While I understand that it does not hurt to have a well rounded education, courses not specific to a degree should be chosen by the student or at least the faculty teaching the degree, not the financial department of the university.
Make sure the program will provide you with the opportunity to grow in your skills, not stifle them.
Develop your own style. I can’t stress that enough. During my college years I saw fellow students emulate the styles of favored instructors. The instructors and their work are still around, but their imitators have vanished. Conversely, some instructors tried to churn out clones of themselves. Professors of this type are best avoided as they can cause damage to a developing artist.
Don’t buy into the philosophy that creating art for profit is demeaning and lessens the value of the piece. This philosophy doesn’t apply to the endeavors of teachers, lawyers, musicians or doctors, nor should it apply to artists.
Artwork: The quad of images above is formed of artwork done by the artists who wrote this article; top left—Alan M. Clark, top right—Jill Bauman, bottom left—Chad Savage, and bottom right—Steven C. Gilberts.
Alan M. Clark’s Advice for Aspiring Illustrators, Part 4
Working Freelance as an Illustrator
Many of us see the prospect of being a self-employed artist as a great adventure. As young artists we often develop both a glowing, idealistic picture of what it is like to work freelance, and quite a lot of dread that in the pursuit we might become just another cog in someone else’s creative wheel. These aren’t unreasonable ideas. The reality is that working for oneself is as tough or tougher than any other job—and job it is, love it or not. I had my share of unrealistic assumptions when I started out. Much of those assumptions and quite a bit of concern on my part revolved around the issue of creative freedom.
If a client is paying me to be creative, they want to feel confident they’re making a good investment. Therefore I must give my client a very good idea what they are paying for. At the same time, I must do this before I actually produce and deliver the final product to protect myself from having done a lot of work that might not be right for the client. At the very least, a client will want to see a sketch of what the finished artwork will look like. Some will want more preliminary work, possibly several sketches to choose from and then a rough color rendering of the image chosen before the finished work is done.
This “pinning down” of the image can become somewhat mechanical and frustrating. Making that part of the process interesting is entirely up to me, and sometimes that takes some effort if I’m not thrilled with the subject matter. If illustration is to be a creative pursuit, there needs to be sufficient spontaneity and discovery in my process to keep the work fresh and retain my interest in producing it. Many artists have difficulty reconciling the two.
I did too, once upon a time.
As young artists we often become interested in illustration because we see the imagination involved and are fascinated. We too have powerful imaginations and want to express ourselves. We develop our talents and become eager to display our wild imaginings. Entering into the business of illustration, however, we find that the look of our work is subject to the whims of art directors or editors. Sometimes, instead of feeling grateful that we are being paid to use our talents, we feel our artistic integrity is at risk.
I felt this way too, at first.
But just what are we talking about here? Could it be that once we produce a piece of work that is not entirely our own conception, we lose sight of our goals? Will our artistic vision be so compromised by the experience that we must wander the earth thereafter as broken imaginations, wasted talents, having become artists who have lost our grip on our own thoughts, feelings and convictions?
Hell no!
I discovered early on that illustration is just a job or rather a whole string of jobs. As a freelance artist, I can take what jobs I want. If I take a job I don’t like, I’ll complete the work to my client’s satisfaction, but I might not take another like it. It’s my choice. And in the meantime, I have plenty of time to create my own work, pieces of art that come exclusively from my own imagination, products of my own thoughts, feeling and convictions.
So when working with a publisher I show a willingness to work with them. It is not likely that my client would want me to do something completely outside my comfort zone, say, paint Elvis on black velvet or something—not that there’s anything wrong with that. The client is most likely familiar with my work, and once again, I have a choice of whether or not to take the job. Generally speaking I am chosen for a job by those who like my approach to illustration. This approach is demonstrated in my work—my choice of subject matter, medium and techniques. Therefore my rapport with a client has often begun through the body of my work even before we have met or spoken to one another.
The constraints that come with a job can be liberating, if I choose to see it that way. That is to say that they can liberate me from myself. Economy is not my first priority in creating a piece of artwork, but if a deadline is short, the job doesn’t pay well or I just don’t like the subject matter, I become very economical and deliberate in my approach to the work. I do not want to slight my client by turning in lightweight work, so the artwork must be simple but strong. This can result in pieces that are wonderful because of their simplicity. Working within constraints given by a publisher, I produce work that I would never have discovered any other way. This broadens my horizons, adds to my repertoire of techniques, helps me master new subject matter and hones my design skills.
If I find I really don’t like a job, I work twice as hard to create something I’m proud of so I don’t look back on the experience with bitterness. Most of the time I get jobs for which my work is well suited. A willingness to try new things has taken my work in exciting new directions.
I’ve learned not to fear reactions to my work—there will always be criticisms and rejections. To relinquish some control while working with another artist or art director is a chance worth taking. I have accepted that once my art is placed before an audience, it is no longer entirely my own.
Artwork: “Sideshow Surgery” copyright © 2005 Alan M. Clark. I threw painting in just to have a piece of artwork with this post. I chose it because it is a display of my wild imaginings. “Pin up” for Robert Steven Rhine’s graphic novel, Satan’s 3 Ring Circus of Hell, published by Asylum Press.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
Alan M. Clark grew up in Tennessee in a house full of bones and old medical books. He has created illustrations for hundreds of books, including works of fiction of various genre, non-fiction, textbooks, young adult fiction, and childrens books. Awards for his illustration work include the World Fantasy Award and four Chesley Awards. He is the author of 12 books, including six novels, a lavishly illustrated novella, four collections of fiction, and a nonfiction full-color book of his artwork. His latest novel A PARLIAMENT OF CROWS was published by Lazy Fascist Press in the fall of 2012. Mr. Clark’s company, IFD Publishing, has released six traditional books and seventeen ebooks by such authors as F. Paul Wilson, Elizabeth Engstrom, and Jeremy Robert Johnson. Alan M. Clark and his wife, Melody, live in Oregon. http://www.alanmclark.com
Staff Picks: Zombies!
A hole has been left in many people’s Sunday evenings with the recent season finale of The Walking Dead, so we here at Bizarro Central are sharing our favourite zombie-themed media in hopes of satiating your lust for all things undead.
Jeff Burk:
Dead Set – a BBC miniseries about a the zombie apocalypse happening and what happens to people filming a reality TV show.
Crossed – a super violent and sadistic comic series created by Garth Ennis and now a rotating list of writers.
Lollipop Chainsaw – a video game were you play a zombie-killing cheerleader. Written by James Gunn (of Slither, Super, and Troma fame).
Constance Ann Fitzgerald:
Zombie Honeymoon – because I love a tragic love story littered with dead things, a few jokes, and some solid gore.
Fido – zombies = pets!
Dawn of the Dead (2004) - because really, gore FX just keep getting better! And I loved Sarah Polly.
Zombie Strippers – I really thought it was going to be terrible. It was actually fucking awesome. Plus the world’s deadliest “ping pong ball trick”.
Sam Reeve:
We’re Alive – a zombie podcast the just finished its third season. It follows a group of survivors originally from LA as they fight with some seriously scary zombies (and people). High-quality podcast with good actors and sound effects. Features smart zombies and mutated ones!
Zombies and Shit – my favourite Carlton Mellick III book. “Battle Royale meets Return of the Living Dead in a post-apocalyptic action adventure.”
Weird Horrors: Evil Dead II
By Scott Cole
With the Evil Dead remake in theaters now, I thought it might be time to take another look at the original Evil Dead remake, Evil Dead II (aka Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn). Though it’s billed as a sequel to the original, it’s really more of what the kids these days are calling a “reboot”. It’s much more of an oddball film than the original, and by far my favorite in the series.
Our hero, Ash, travels to a remote cabin with his girlfriend for a little getaway. Unfortunately for them, there are sinister forces in the woods, and within the first 6 or 7 minutes of the film, Linda has been possessed, then quickly beheaded and buried. From there, things get much, much weirder.
By the time Linda’s decapitated corpse crawls back out of her grave, re-capitates herself, and performs a dance routine in the woods before attacking her lover with a chainsaw, we know we’re in bizarro-land. After that, we’re treated to a little bit of everything: evil tree monsters, inanimate objects bursting into laughter en masse, the Necronomicon, a demonic severed hand flipping off its former owner, even a time-travel portal to the Middle Ages. Not to mention Henrietta and her fruit cellar.
As far as I’m concerned, Evil Dead II has the perfect blend of horror and comedy – something that’s just not easy to do well in film. It’s also the true genesis of the Ash character as he’s regarded today. Sure, he was in the original Evil Dead – but it wasn’t until part two that he truly became the slapsticky, one-liner-spewing badass we all know and love.
Evil Dead II may be one of the most beloved weird films there is. It’s got some genuine chills, plenty of physical comedy, and gallons of blood. It’s a ridiculous amount of fun. If you’ve seen it, you know this, and it’s probably time to watch it again. And if you haven’t…well, then what’s wrong with you? Please shut off whatever machine you’re reading this on, and go remedy that situation now.
Dilation Exercise 79
In an effort to promote my new novel, A PARLIAMENT OF CROWS, released by Lazy Fascist Press, I created the Dilation Exercise below to expand the story beyond the end of the novel. This week’s exercise works with last week’s. The novel is inspired by the three infamous Wardlaw sisters.
Need a further explanation? Go to Imagination Workout—The Dilation Exercises.
By the time Vertiline had given up the search for Mary, Carolee had taken a terrible toll on the innocent, and by all signs, her deadly activity stretched far into the future.
Weary and reconciled to her existence ending in shame and failure, Vertiline tried to lie down and be still, but the wind gave her feathers life, picked her and sent her flying onward, ever doomed to witness the murderous career she had helped to shape.
Artwork: “Portents” copyright © 2008 Alan M. Clark. Cover art for Portents edited by Al Sarrantonio, published by Flying Fox Publishers.
Captions are original to this post and have nothing to do with the literary project with which the artwork first appeared.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
Blood, Pus, Cum, & Dead Babies: Tips for Writing Extreme Horror
Today I present you the first of many great articles appearing during Bizarro Central’s Writing Advice Week. Don’t let the title fool you – this baby is full of advice that transcends all genres and will enlighten and inspire any kind of writer.
-Sam
*****
Blood, Pus, Cum, & Dead Babies: Tips for Writing Extreme Horror
by Shane McKenzie
I was going to write a straight up essay on writing horror in general. But there are plenty of books and articles on that subject, and the people who wrote those books and articles can probably give you better advice than me. Actually, there’s no ‘probably’ about it. So, I decided to concentrate on what I do best—being disgusting.
Nowadays, it’s hard to be original with anything. If you want to write extreme horror, it gets even more difficult. There’s only so many ways to describe someone being torn apart or mutilated. Miscarriage, abortion, kinky sex, rape, bestiality, redneck cannibalism. It’s all been done, right? We can’t possibly add anything to this sub-genre. I hear this kind of talk all the time, and on a certain level, I know what these people mean. But there are ways to make your work stand out. I’ll admit that I’m still the new guy and I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’ll share some things that I’ve learned up to this point, as an editor and author of extreme horror.
Be specific.
If I told you I was going to tell you a story about a woman waking up tied to a chair, a ball gag in her mouth, all of her clothing missing, the taste of vomit at the back of her throat, then a male steps into the room, holding a butcher knife, playing with himself…. I probably wouldn’t need to go on. You can pretty much guess what’s going to happen. And you’re bored already. Today, horror fans, especially those who seek out the extreme stuff, are very difficult to shock. They’ve read everything Edward Lee, Richard Laymon, Wrath James White, or Jack Ketchum have to offer. You really have to be creative. One way to help with this is by being specific. When I, and probably most people, imagine the above scenario, they’re thinking a white girl, maybe mid-twenties, more than likely blonde. She’s probably got big tits, right? She’s probably gorgeous enough to be a celebrity, or at the very least, has the body of a porn star.
But what’s the point of that? You’re trying to stand out, add your voice to the horror genre, and if you don’t do something different, nobody will notice.
What if I told you the woman was a sixty-five year old Asian woman. She had breast cancer and had one of her breasts removed, the remaining breast sagging to the side of her stomach, the nipple leathery and long from years and years of breast-feeding her children. She’s had seven kids, all by C-section, so she has a long, dark scar across her underbelly. And what if I told you that the male who just walked in with the knife, playing with himself, is her sixteen year old grandson, covered in acne, with braces on his teeth? Already, it’s more interesting. And for me, it’s very uncomfortable. Which is what extreme horror is all about. I hate to say it (well, maybe not) but if some mid-twenties white male or female is the victim of a horror story, I just don’t give a shit what happens to them. Not because I have anything against white people, or young people. It’s just because that character is a boring cliché.
I found that being specific about race is pretty damn powerful. Age too. Anything involving kids is automatically shocking. I personally won’t write about anything sexual happening with kids, but when I read that kind of stuff, it just adds to the discomfort, and I don’t hate the author for going there. Using the elderly can give you a similar effect.
So make your POV characters interesting, something we haven’t seen, or at the very least, don’t see much of. Use certain details and be specific about things like race, age, deformities, disease, etc. Stop killing twenty-five year old white people. In your stories anyway.
Get reactions.
Pretend you are going to read this in front of a crowd. The extreme scenes anyway. Every story needs some back story and character development, but the scenes that will make the book extreme, treat them like you are in a competition. A gross-out contest, erotic horror contest, or even the bizarro showdown. When I’m writing something I’m going to perform in front of a crowd, I’m trying to get audible reactions. Whether it be laughter, groans, gasps, or gags. When involved in a competition like this, you have to be memorable. You have to be a crowd pleaser. I know exactly which parts are going to get these audible reactions because I wrote them for that very reason. Do that with the extreme scenes in your book. When I read, say,an Edward Lee or Wrath James White novel, and I’m reading one of the more brutal or extreme scenes, I usually laugh out loud. I think most extreme horror lovers react this way. They might have a disgusted look on their face, but they’re still laughing. Then, when they talk about that book with others, they will talk about these scenes. Word of mouth is your friend.
A good way to get that reaction, I’ve found, is by using similes and metaphors. If I say an old woman’s legs are flabby, you can picture it, but it’s not really memorable. But if I say the flesh of her inner thighs hangs down like moldy bread dough, it adds a little something to it, makes it more memorable, and just might get an audible reaction. Her sopping pussy looked like an infected ax wound. The dead fetus sat in the palm of her hand like a slimy, cherry-flavored gummi bear. You get the idea. The more creative you are with the similes and metaphors, the better the reaction will be.
Start your story with a bang.
I know you’ve all heard this before, but it’s just so damn important, especially from an editor’s standpoint. Readers will probably be more patient, will give your book the benefit of the doubt that it will get good eventually. But an editor doesn’t have time for that. And even though a reader might stick around for a while, don’t test them either. Give them something to be excited about right away. Make it impossible for them to stop reading.
You can start the story in the middle of some action, where the reader is automatically going to be full of questions because everything is moving too fast for you to stop and explain anything.
For an extreme horror book, maybe start with something brutal right off the bat. Your readers are expecting this anyway, and if you give them something to smile about on page one, they’re more likely to stick around, even through some of the slower scenes where you have to give back story or explain some things.
For example, you’re writing a book about a child killer. You could start by showing a detective arriving to the scene of one of these murders. And a good writer could absolutely make this interesting. But what if instead, you start with a scene through the POV of the child as the killer is peeling the skin off his knuckles? Or through the killer’s POV as he watches a pack of pitbulls fight over the still screaming child’s flesh? The reader is going to be so full of adrenaline after reading this that the very next chapter, you can go ahead and introduce your protagonist and start with some characterization and what not. But you still need to keep a good balance through the whole book. As I’m writing, if I find myself getting bored, I know it’s time for an intense scene, something to kick your reader in the nuts with, so to speak. Keep them interested.
Go as far as making the very first sentence an attention grabber. In the above example, you could start with a sentence like: The boy’s screams became wet choking sounds as one of the pitbulls tore an opening in his belly with a jerk of its head, the other dog burying its snout into the fresh, bleeding cavity. Or even something shorter than that. With a jerk of its head, the pitbull tore open the boy’s stomach. If I read something like that at the very start of a book, I would smile, probably snicker a bit, and would read the fuck on.
Again, I’m not saying every single opening has to be this way. It’s just a tip. There are other ways to make your opening interesting without having to resort to immediate violence or sex. Just make sure it’s interesting, and make sure to fill your reader with questions.
I don’t think I’m in much of a position to give advice, but because I was asked, this is what occurred to me as a writer, editor, and reader of extreme horror. I hope it helps some. I could say so much more on the subject, but only because I’m passionate about it, not because I think I know it all.
I gave this article the title Blood, Pus, Cum, & Dead Babies not because I think all extreme horror needs these things, but because it’s what I was eating at the time.
Now go get nasty.
—
Shane McKenzie is an extreme horror and bizarro writer who lives with his wife and daughter in Austin, TX. He is the author of Infinity House, All You Can Eat, Bleed on Me, Drawn & Quartered, and Jacked. His new novels Muerte Con Carne (Deadite Press) and Addicted to the Dead (Thunderstorm Books) will both be out and available for purchase in March of 2013. He is also the editor and co-owner at Sinister Grin Press. You can purchase his paperback and ebooks at his Amazon author page here, and can get all available limited edition hardcovers from Thunderstorm Books.
Dilation Exercise 78
In an effort to promote my new novel, A PARLIAMENT OF CROWS, released by Lazy Fascist Press, I created the Dilation Exercise below to expand the story beyond the end of the novel. The novel is inspired by the three infamous Wardlaw sisters.
Need a further explanation? Go to Imagination Workout—The Dilation Exercises.
When Vertiline found herself in the cemetery, she realized she was dead.
If Mary had also become a crow after death, and Vertiline could find her, she had an idea for how they might end their sister, Carolee’s, reign of terror.
Artwork: “A familiar Crow” copyright © 2008 Alan M. Clark. Cover art for VINTAGE SOULS by David Niall Wilson, published by Five Star.
Captions are original to this post and have nothing to do with the literary project with which the artwork first appeared.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
Twisted Tuesdays: Candle Cove
by Tracy Vanity
A classic creepypasta you might have heard already but worth posting in case you haven’t. It’s a personal favorite of mine. I love a good ole’ internet urban legend!
Back in the early 70′s there was a children’s TV show called “Candle Cove.” It aired on a local station in a small town in the U.S. The show was random with spooky, scary skeletons and dolls and a very creepy pirate as the host. The show scared every child who watched it. Some people still have nightmares about it to this day. Especially one episode in particular which ended with all the characters screaming.
Fast-forward to 2009 to an internet forum about local television nostalgia. Someone posts about their memories of “Candle Cove” and how weird it was. Other members chime in and say they remember it too and that it freaked them out as kids. One member describes a particularly disturbing episode. Here is the full thread courtesy of www.ichorfalls.com:
Candle Cove
by admin on Mar.15, 2009, under By Kris Straub
NetNostalgia Forum – Television (local)
Skyshale033
Subject: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Does anyone remember this kid’s show? It was called Candle Cove and I must have been 6 or 7. I never found reference to it anywhere so I think it was on a local station around 1971 or 1972. I lived in Ironton at the time. I don’t remember which station, but I do remember it was on at a weird time, like 4:00 PM.mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
it seems really familiar to me…..i grew up outside of ashland and was 9 yrs old in 72. candle cove…was it about pirates? i remember a pirate marionete at the mouth of a cave talking to a little girlSkyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
YES! Okay I’m not crazy! I remember Pirate Percy. I was always kind of scared of him. He looked like he was built from parts of other dolls, real low-budget. His head was an old porcelain baby doll, looked like an antique that didn’t belong on the body. I don’t remember what station this was! I don’t think it was WTSF though.Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Sorry to ressurect this old thread but I know exactly what show you mean, Skyshale. I think Candle Cove ran for only a couple months in ’71, not ’72. I was 12 and I watched it a few times with my brother. It was channel 58, whatever station that was. My mom would let me switch to it after the news. Let me see what I remember.It took place in Candle cove, and it was about a little girl who imagined herself to be friends with pirates. The pirate ship was called the Laughingstock, and Pirate Percy wasn’t a very good pirate because he got scared too easily. And there was calliope music constantly playing. Don’t remember the girl’s name. Janice or Jade or something. Think it was Janice.
Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Thank you Jaren!!! Memories flooded back when you mentioned the Laughingstock and channel 58. I remember the bow of the ship was a wooden smiling face, with the lower jaw submerged. It looked like it was swallowing the sea and it had that awful Ed Wynn voice and laugh. I especially remember how jarring it was when they switched from the wooden/plastic model, to the foam puppet version of the head that talked.mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
ha ha i remember now too. ;) do you remember this part skyshale: “you have…to go…INSIDE.”Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Ugh mike, I got a chill reading that. Yes I remember. That’s what the ship always told Percy when there was a spooky place he had to go in, like a cave or a dark room where the treasure was. And the camera would push in on Laughingstock’s face with each pause. YOU HAVE… TO GO… INSIDE. With his two eyes askew and that flopping foam jaw and the fishing line that opened and closed it. Ugh. It just looked so cheap and awful.You guys remember the villain? He had a face that was just a handlebar mustache above really tall, narrow teeth.
kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
i honestly, honestly thought the villain was pirate percy. i was about 5 when this show was on. nightmare fuel.Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
That wasn’t the villain, the puppet with the mustache. That was the villain’s sidekick, Horace Horrible. He had a monocle too, but it was on top of the mustache. I used to think that meant he had only one eye.But yeah, the villain was another marionette. The Skin-Taker. I can’t believe what they let us watch back then.
kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
jesus h. christ, the skin taker. what kind of a kids show were we watching? i seriously could not look at the screen when the skin taker showed up. he just descended out of nowhere on his strings, just a dirty skeleton wearing that brown top hat and cape. and his glass eyes that were too big for his skull. christ almighty.Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Wasn’t his top hat and cloak all sewn up crazily? Was that supposed to be children’s skin??mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
yeah i think so. rememer his mouth didn’t open and close, his jaw just slid back and foth. i remember the little girl said “why does your mouth move like that” and the skin-taker didn’t look at the girl but at the camera and said “TO GRIND YOUR SKIN”Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
I’m so relieved that other people remember this terrible show!I used to have this awful memory, a bad dream I had where the opening jingle ended, the show faded in from black, and all the characters were there, but the camera was just cutting to each of their faces, and they were just screaming, and the puppets and marionettes were flailing spastically, and just all screaming, screaming. The girl was just moaning and crying like she had been through hours of this. I woke up many times from that nightmare. I used to wet the bed when I had it.
kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
i don’t think that was a dream. i remember that. i remember that was an episode.Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
No no no, not possible. There was no plot or anything, I mean literally just standing in place crying and screaming for the whole show.kevin_hart
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
maybe i’m manufacturing the memory because you said that, but i swear to god i remember seeing what you described. they just screamed.Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Oh God. Yes. The little girl, Janice, I remember seeing her shake. And the Skin-Taker screaming through his gnashing teeth, his jaw careening so wildly I thought it would come off its wire hinges. I turned it off and it was the last time I watched. I ran to tell my brother and we didn’t have the courage to turn it back on.mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
i visited my mom today at the nursing home. i asked her about when i was littel in the early 70s, when i was 8 or 9 and if she remebered a kid’s show, candle cove. she said she was suprised i could remember that and i asked why, and she said “because i used to think it was so strange that you said ‘i’m gona go watch candle cove now mom’ and then you would tune the tv to static and juts watch dead air for 30 minutes. you had a big imagination with your little pirate show.”
I have located that episode of “Candle Cove.” I do not take any responsibility for what watching this video will do to your psyche…
Happy Twisted Tuesday Bizarros!
Friday Night Fucked Up Film Festival
by Tracy Vanity
Demonic Japanese Furbies, killer plush toys, creepy sex robots, and of course, music about hell…here is a compilation of 9 short creepy videos to kick off your weekend:
+1 full-length classic feature film: John Carpenter’s They Live!
If you haven’t seen this before, WATCH IT! If you have, WATCH IT AGAIN! It’s about a working class man down on his luck who discovers some special glasses that help him see the world for what it truly is. Those of you who are familiar with Shepard Fairey’s work will see where the Obey thing originated.
“Either put on these glasses or start eating that trashcan!”
Enjoy and have a splendid weekend Bizarros!
Twisted Tuesdays: Shit That Creeped You Out As A Kid
by Tracy Vanity
I asked the Bizarro staff to tell me what shit scared them when they were lil’ demons. Their answers were quite entertaining and random. It shows you that even the most imaginative, fucked up minds can get creeped out by E.T.!
Tracy: Hey Bizarro clan, were there any TV characters, films, toys, etc. that creeped you out when you were little?
Michael Allen Rose (Patron Saint of Sporks & author of Party Wolves in my Skull): Weirdly enough, there was a segment on Sesame Street where Maria would do an impression of Charlie Chaplin from his old silent films. I don’t know if this was because of the gender-confusion, or because of the silence of the character on the screen, but something about those segments sent me crying to my room in terror. (This was when I was very small). I imagine it was just a combination of the unfamiliar things I mentioned above that just creeped me out to a point of incoherent gibbering. :P
Sam Reeve (Pirate, Bizarro editor, X-Mas annihilator, Empress of Awesome, & Weekly Weird Art Curator): I hated ET, thought it was a scary movie.
Cameron Pierce (Exorcist, Elephant Beetle Enthusiast, & author of Die You Doughnut Bastards): The Gate.
CV Hunt (Lucid Dream Alchemist, Jewel Thief, & author of How to Kill Yourself): I had a hard time sleeping at night when I was a kid because of Freddy Kruger.
Rob Harris (Griffin Wrangler & Professional Cheese Sprayer): Watership Down had some terrifying parts in it.
Bradley Sands (Space Travel Agent & author of TV Snorted My Brain): Books with “true” ghost stories kept me awake at night, but I couldn’t stop reading them. I think there was an anthology of true spooky stories that freaked me out more than the rest called The Crystal Skull (or something like that), but I can’t find out any info about it. Also, a TV movie called The Haunted scared me, particularly this scene:
Eric Hendrixson (Chief of the Cannibal Unicorn Division & Bread Boss): Cereal with milk. I had no problem with milk or dry cereal, but when you put them together, they turned into something strange and disturbing.
Also, I thought they built public monuments wherever someone famous died and that they made the statues by pouring concrete over the corpses, so the body was still inside the monument. Since I was in Europe, there were monuments all over the place.
Also Fantasia.
Kevin Shamel (resident zombie slayer, T-Rex tamer, googly eye connoisseur, and author of Island of the Super People): Sleestaks on Land of the Lost freaked me out when I was little. And a couple of the monsters on this old Japanese mecha show. There was also a book about a pond with this huge shadowy ancient thing that wanted to eat swimming kids that my teacher read when I was in first or second grade that kept me out of water for a long time. (it was a huge old turtle)
Jeff Burk (moonshine maker, neon ninja, & author of Cripple Wolf): The 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It just always filled me with unease. I know Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas wanted to violently violate those kids and eat the corpses.
Carlton Mellick III (wizard, Part-Time Czar, Spaghetti Yeti behaviorologist, & author of Cuddly Holocaust, Hammer Wives, Apeshit, and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland to name a few of his many, many awesome books): This for some reason creeped me out when I was 5 years old:
Nice answers guys! So how about the rest of you Bizarros? What creeped you out as a kid?
Weekly Weird Art: Cody Schibi Interview
By Sam Reeve
Today for our weekly dose of weird art we have Cody Schibi, an amazing artist who was kind enough to answer some questions. First, let’s get some basic facts straight before jumping into the interview.
Cody was born and raised in Texas, and now resides in Austin. He works as a freelance artist, mostly with ink and watercolours, and sweats pure awesomeness.
Now let’s get to it!
Sam: You started out working in film. How did you first get into that?
Cody: I met a friend of mine a few years after I moved to Austin who was an independent film maker. I was completely neglecting my art at that time as I didn’t do anything with it for many years & was wanting to get creative & motivated again. He was shooting some shorts & trailers & I simply started doing ALL the art for his projects. I mean everything from storyboards, conceptual art, set design, costume design…I even BUILT the sets for one of his scifi features which was a blast! After those initial experiences I started to get calls from other, larger production companies mostly needing storyboard & conceptual art work. I spent a few years doing that, but grew a little tired with the intense deadlines & not having my art seen except by directors & cinematographers & those kind of peeps. So I went totally freelance about three years ago & started doing what I’m doing now.
S: What drew you, and continues to draw you, to working mostly in ink and watercolors? When did you first start experimenting with that and what made you stick with it instead of going on to work with something else, like say oils other paints?
C: I’ve always been a simple pen & ink guy. My black & white, fine line work is my personal favorite stuff & still what I do most of today. Watercolors came with experimentation & I just fell in love with it’s forgiving presence but also the possibility of brilliant accidents when you get all splattery & messy with it. Inking on top of it is a combo that fits with what I want to create. Other paints still intimidate me. I’ve done a few acrylic pieces & have pushed oils around before, but the quick drying time & other factors freak me out. I’m in awe of artists who work in that medium…
S: Are there any things you want to experiment with but haven’t yet?
C: I’m in the process of beginning to work on vinyl figures. I was approached a few months ago by a curator of a custom toy show that’s gonna happen later in the new year & the lineup he has includes some heavy hitters in the “Custom World”, so I’ve just started to experiment with that & am loving it!
I also really want to try graffiti/painting on walls/murals. I have some friends here in Austin who are amazing at it & they’ve invited me out, but I haven’t bite at the invitation yet. That’s something I’m definitely gonna start in 2013 though…
[UPDATE: See Cody's first wall painting below, posted to Twitter just yesterday]
S: Could you give our readers a brief rundown on what BULLMOOSE is and when we can expect to see some previews?
C: BULLMOOSE is a story created by my brother, Lance. It’s an ongoing series about historical figures (Theodore Roosevelt is the main character) & historical events that are altered in a crazy way. It’s super fun & wacky with their journey having a dark undertone of horror. There are already a few character images up at www.BULLMOOSEtheComic.com & my bro is gonna start updating regularly in the new year with my pages, panels & some exciting news regarding the release & guest artists.
S: What’s it like collaborating with your brother on BULLMOOSE?
C: We’re identical twins, so we’ve always had this easy & fun communication our whole lives. He has the majority of things already written out, and when I start thumb nailing & illustrating the panels he sometimes adds stuff (which has slightly altered the direction of certain things). It’s a completely open collaboration that we’re having fun with. As long as the ideas benefit the story, we’re open to anything. We’re obviously taking our time with everything to make it as wild & cool as we can & we hope everyone who eventually reads it will think the same!
S: I hear you’re really into horror movies. What are some of your favorites? What upcoming horror films are you most excited about?
C: SO many to choose from! I’m a huge Evil Dead fan & the remake of it coming out soon is one I’m actually really pumped to see. I’m especially a freak for 80s horror: Re-Animator, Basket Case, Creepshow, Sleepaway Camp, The Thing, Critters, Hellraiser, etc… I’m a big Eli Roth, Adam Green, Don Coscarelli, Joe Lynch fan so all their upcoming stuff I’m excited about. You can’t touch Lucio Fulci’s films as well. I can really ramble on & on about horror movies all day…
S: Are there any upcoming exhibits or announcements you’d like everyone at Bizarro Central to know about?
C: Some of my upcoming events:
- San Antonio, TX Jan. 26th – ARTSLAM! Seven Year Jam – live painting w/ L’amour Supreme, Buff Monster, Nychos
- Laredo, TX Feb. 9th – WHEN THE EVIL CAME comic book signing @ Legacy Comics
- Austin, TX March 2-3rd – STAPLE! The Independent Media Expo
Also working on a piece for a music tribute show during SXSW at Guzu Gallery as well signing on to do a few more conventions later in the year…
To see more of Cody’s work, visit his website, Twitter or Facebook, or maybe (if you’re feeling fancy), check out his extremely affordable kick-ass prints and original artwork for sale here.
Twisted Tuesdays: Animated Gif Apocalypse Rorschach Test
by Tracy Vanity
I’m really glad I don’t know how to make animated gifs because I spend enough hours a day dicking around on the internet. Thankfully there are people out there who have dedicated their time to the art of animated-gif-creating so I don’t have to bother learning and can just repost their shit.
Since this is the 1st Twisted Tuesday of the year I wanted to do something other than post twisted videos. Believe me, I have like ten years worth of fucked up youtube vids to post. And there will be plenty of time for that…
For this post, I want to get reader/lurker involvement. One or more of these various moving images should inspire your fingers to fly across the keyboard in response, be it a simple “wtf IS that?” to an anecdote about your life, to a made-up story that just slapped your ass. Anything. Whatever your reaction is, post it! You can even do it anonymously if you’re shy.
So I’m going to post 13 animated gifs with an accompanying Roman numeral so that you may reference it in your response if you so choose.
Just like you, I don’t know the origin of most of the shit I come across and just add my own interpretation. That’s really what the internet is here for: fuck context, it’s all about your reaction…an internet Rorschach test if you will. Just post your immediate reaction to anything you see.
Now on to the Animated Gif Apocalypse!
I. 
II. 
III. 
IV. 
V. 
VI. 
VII. 
VIII. 
IX. 
X. 
XI. 
XII. 
XIII. 
Cult Film Classics: Đėŗ Ţøđėśķıņġ
by Tracy Vanity
Đėŗ Ţøđėśķıņġ (aka The Death King) is a 1989 German horror film directed by Jörg Buttgereit. This experimental style movie which does not use central characters explores the topic of suicide and violent death in the form of seven episodes, each one attributed to one day of the week. These episodes are enframed by the vision of a human body, slowly rotting during the course of the movie.
You can watch the entire film here:
Hurry, before it gets deleted!
Fun fact: Jörg Buttgereit, best known for his film Nekromantik, a graphic horror film about necrophilia, was given a Super-8 camera as his first Holy Communion present while he was in kindergarten.
Twisted Tuesdays: Epic FUCK CHRISTMAS Post, AKA Happy Horrormas!
by Tracy Vanity
To say I’m not a fan of Christmas would be an understatement. I’m dedicating this Twisted Tuesday to posting soothing images, videos, and songs to get myself, and anyone else who fucking hates Christmas, through this horrible fucking day.
This post is dedicated to FUCK CHRISTMAS!
Since Christmas sucks, I’m celebrating HORRORMAS! It’s basically Halloween with a Christmas theme. I recommend a Horrormas movie marathon of Jack Frost, Black Christmas (1974 version), Silent Night Deadly Night, and Don’t Open Till Christmas. Any other Horrormas films you recommend?
Tales from the Crypt has a great Horromas themed episode called “And All Through the House.” You can watch the whole episode right here:
There’s even a tales from the Crypt Christmas album! I just found out right now.
The “Unholy Night” episode from American Horror Story is awesome too. The entire 2nd season is incredible. I have a fetish for nuns and mental institutions but who doesn’t?
I’m starting to feel better already. This cheap Thai rum is helping too.
Axe murdering Santas do put me in good spirits.
As always, Cyriak captures the true spirit of Horrormas with his incredible 2012 Horrormas video card.
Happy Horrormas Bizarro!
Dilation Exercise 77
In an effort to promote my new novel, A PARLIAMENT OF CROWS, released by Lazy Fascist Press, I created the Dilation Exercise below using an excerpt from the novel. The novel is inspired by the three infamous Wardlaw sisters. This Dilation Exercise breaks my rule of only two lines of caption.
Need a further explanation? Go to Imagination Workout—The Dilation Exercises.
“Detective Robert Walker testified that burnt fragments of the bones of a human infant were found in the furnace of the tenement where you and your family lived in Brooklyn. Do you know anything about the tiny bones, Miss Mortlow?”
Although she had her suspicions about Orphia’s role, and that of her sister, Carolee, in the disappearance of the infant, thankfully Vertiline didn’t know the truth. “No,” she said. She clenched her jaw, glanced at the jury, and was disturbed that she couldn’t read their expressions.
Artwork: “In the Furnace” copyright © 2012 Alan M. Clark.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
Dilation Exercise 76
Below you’ll find Alan M. Clark’s weekly Dilation Exercise. Please look at the picture, read the caption, above and below the image, and allow your imagination to go to work on it. If the artwork inspires an idea, please use the comment feature to tell us something about it. Need a further explanation? Go to Imagination Workout—The Dilation Exercises.
Alister married his dead half-sister, and their first night together was some weird kind of hell.
Despite her claim that they helped her to sleep, he thought her collection of stuffed animals was the most unusual he had ever seen.
Artwork: “The Mind Wanders” copyright © 1992 Alan M. Clark. Inspired by the painting, Gary A. Braunbeck wrote the story, “The Sisterhood of Plain-Faced Women.” The artwork first appeared as cover art for Gary A. Baunbeck’s collection,Things Left Behind, published by Cemetery Dance Publications, which included the story. The image appeared as an interior illustration along with the story in the anthology, IMAGINATION FULLY DILATED, VOLUME II, edited by Elizabeth Engstrom, published by IFD Publishing. The image also appears as an interior (appears in black & white) in SIREN PROMISED by Jeremy Robert Johnson and Alan M. Clark, published by Swallowdown Press.
Captions are original to this post and have nothing to do with the literary project with which the artwork first appeared.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
INFINITE BREASTS (Pt II)
Click HERE for Part I of INFINITE BREASTS: An Over-Sized Interview with John Skipp, Andrew Kasch and Cody Goodfellow About Their Short Film ‘Stay At Home Dad’
What was the collaborative process like?
AK: I’d say it’s fairly equal. Skipp & I are usually of one mind when it comes to creative decisions, and we plan so much that when we finally get on set, we can divide and conquer when we have to. Having two directors on a low-budget set is actually a blessing because you’re usually spread really thin.
JS: It’s a really amazing case of playing to each other’s strengths. I’ve got the story shit down. Andrew’s got the technical end down. And directing is the balance of the two. We both are obsessive movie freaks, understand what makes them work, understand each other’s disciplines, and have a broad palette that runs well beyond genre to choose from when discussing how to attack any given scene.
Past that, he’s a really fun guy to work with. Like Cody and all great collaborators, he’s a throw-down guy, and plays well with others. We have a fucking blast.
CG: There was some friction in the early stages, admittedly. . . Skipp and I have collaborated on so many projects that we locked horns a bit on the script, which I was pretty hung up on keeping my skidmarks on, at least until I handed it to them to shoot. All of it came to a satisfying end, though, because every choice that any of us consciously made had to be a strong one, or the other two would kill it.
AK: Overall it was pretty smooth. We all respect what’s on the page (otherwise what’s the point?) but at the same time, nobody was overly precious about things. Directors and actors need to have room the play and explore – otherwise it’s just a dictatorship. . . and who likes those?
How did the creature designs come together?
AK: That was mostly Mike Dubisch, Cody’s illustrator friend and fellow Lovecraft enthusiast.
CG: Mike Dubisch sweats monsters. He keeps a notepad and just designs hideously deformed and awe-inspiring creatures effortlessly and unstoppably, all the goddamn time. He was working at the time on the artwork for All-Monster Action, so I asked him to do it, and he whipped off the designs we went with on one sheet of paper in less time than it took for me to describe what we wanted. In return for this, I wrote an introduction for his Black Velvet Necronomicon collection (which is pretty fucking incredible, by the way.)
JS: From there, Lindsey Peterson took the reins, designing and sculpting. We suggested. She delivered. She in now our incredible go-to girl.
The dream sequence?
AK: We originally shot a different version of the dream sequence which was an extended conversation in the doctor’s office with Diane Goldner. It was originally supposed to end with the castration but as Skipp & I were putting it together, we realized it wasn’t nearly surreal enough and hurt the overall pace. So we concocted a crazy Ken Russell-style dream sequence with some Lovecraftian imagery so the big reveal wouldn’t come out of nowhere. Cody brought over some of his monster masks and we shot a bunch of wild stuff on a green screen in my living room. Then were lucky enough to nab music video director/VFX master Phil Mucci and my pal Michael Granberry (who did all the amazing stop-motion scenes in Never Sleep Again) who put together 30 seconds of visual weirdness.
CG: Skipp and Andrew got those guys. I still can’t believe that shit, myself. Felix Gelman, the gigantic orderly, should be the Rondo Hatton of our times. I was the monsters in the masks. The knives turned up in the free books box at Iliad Bookshop.
And the breasts prosthetic?
AK: Yikes! First, the application process for Matt (our lead actor) took about 2 hours. The breasts were loaded with condoms to get the sagging effect and were rigged with tubes that shot out rice milk (the crew would get squirts in their coffee cups in between takes). But the tubes leaked the milk into the prosthesis that caused the breasts to smell like month-old rotten eggs.
They would literally give off “breast farts” that would send the crew running from the room. On the plus side, it was easy to get the baby to cry at the beginning of the movie
CG: Yes, I still have them. But I’ve had to steal them back from Matt Holmes twice.
SAHD already won an Audience Award (Bronze) at the Fantasia International Film Festival. Where else have/are you taking it?
AK: That was really cool because Fantasia is my favorite film festival in the world and I used to spend my summers in Montreal just for that. So it was a dream come true to get accepted. . . and downright surreal when we actually won something.
CG: We’re pretty proud of that. It offsets all the Certificates of Participation quite nicely. But we always intended for SAHD to be the class clown at any festival, rather than the award bait.
AK: We’re on the interwebs now! Free for all on YouTube!
CG: We’ve concluded our festival run, unless anyone asks to run it. It’s on YouTube because that’s where anyone can see it for free. We just want to freak people out.
I was surprise by how many festivals rejected the film outright. . .
Apparently, a lot of tastemakers feel that horror films shouldn’t be funny. At least not intentionally so. . .
JS: We also won Best Short at Crypticon in Seattle. And Matthew Currie Holmes took Best Actor at the World Horror Convention. We also played H.P. Lovecraft Film Festivals in Seattle and L.A., as well as Shriekfest and a couple of others. I’ve screened it for audiences at CG’s Comics and Collectibles in Manitou Springs, CO, and the legendary AK Tavern outside Seattle. So it’s definitely gotten around.
What’s reception been like?
AK: We get two different reactions: “I loved it! It’s so twisted!” or “What the fuck was that?!??” Either one makes me happy.
JS: I’ve seen crowds laugh their asses off, and seen them sit in stunned near-silence. It differs from room to room. Ya never know. But the one thing I love is that people talk about it after.
CG: Audiences generally got a kick out of it. It’s a lot funnier than it is scary, and the best parts of watching it with an audience is hearing a huge group deal with stuff like the sex scene. As it goes wrong and just keeps escalating and these beautiful people are not only comfortable with but turned on by something so unacceptable, the audience is screaming in repulsion and disbelief as much as laughing, or both at the same time. And that’s the reaction we made this film to get.
So that’s Cody’s daughter playing Zoe. . .
CG: (Speaking not as her dad but as her personal manager), Madeline is uncannily bright and articulate and small for her age. so she should be an ideal child actress, if we were going to throw her to the wolves and live off her trauma. . . but she doesn’t want to act, at all. Doesn’t need or enjoy the attention of strangers, bless her heart. The shoot would’ve been impossible if Madeline didn’t fall in love with Andrew. She was totally charmed by him, and so what she does on screen is pretty much her reacting either to him or to her mom. The day he went to Hollywood, Sears Portrait Studio lost one hell of a child photographer.
JS: We’ve got to give a lot of credit to Matthew Currie-Holmes, as well. They did the most acting together. And it was Matt’s insistence on multiple takes that gave us the footage we needed to pull a great performance out of her. Especially in the naptime scene, which I think we did fifty takes of. (You wouldn’t believe how much gold never made it to the screen.)
AK: W.C. Fields was full of shit: Babies are awesome! Madeline (Cody’s kid) was a complete joy and we had no problems with her. For some reason she really latched on to me and triggered some crazy paternal side of me I never knew I had. She was so thrilled to be in the movie that after her last take, she puked on me.
And then there’s Mark Shostrom, which is where my inner teenager goes apeshit. He’s one of those legends that’s not only had some real heavy-hitters on his effects team at any given point, but also has his fingerprints on so many iconic films/film series. What was that like?
AK: Mark was another Elm St alumni I befriended on Never Sleep Again and the man is a total legend – I mean look at Evil Dead 2, From Beyond, Elm Street 3 or any other great make-up FX movie of the 80’s. That was the golden age! He generously hooked us up with his incredible team, Maria Anaheim and Lindsey Peterson who completely knocked it out of the latex park. Mark was away on a gig but came in at the end of the shoot and helped out on set. There was a moment when I was walking down the hallway and passed the make-up room to see Mark working on our actors, and had a total nerdgasm. It’s like seeing Michelangelo painting your house. Those inner-kid moments are the best thing about making movies!
CG: It was excellent and Mark was thrilling to work with, but our principal artists were Maria and Lindsey, for most of the process, and they were awesome. They did our casts of Alisha and sculpted the monster.
Mark was on-set for Ricky’s death and did up this blood squib that was supposed to burst on the back of his head when Zoe knocks him down. Mark was on-set for that, and we were totally geeked by the moment: Mark Shostrom was pumping our blood, we were making a fucking MONSTER MOVIE. And then the damned blood wouldn’t fucking come out. Too thick, even when we diluted it, and we had to move on to the next thing.
I would’ve liked to see a lot more blood, but there was worry about getting the equipment messy and there was some concern about messing up the house, which was silly, it’s the reason we shot it in my house. . .
JS: Mostly, we ran out of time. We still had the whole rest of the ending to shoot that night!
Richard Grove and Trent Haaga!
CG: I am lucky enough to hold down a bookstore counter with Ricky, who is the most wonderfully real, unassuming guy I know, way more so than your average citizen, and yet I walk by him and I hear the twangy theme song I did for him, and get that strange dreamy flash when you see something you’ve only seen in the movies. I’m sure he thinks I’m secretly in love with him.
And pairing him with Trent was a masterstroke. Ricky’s classically trained, and Trent is a Troma vet, so they instantly went to work and extruded these lovable fuckups out of a couple undercooked dialogue exchanges. If we do another film like this, I want it to be about those guys.
AK: I’ve wanted to work with Trent ever since I saw Terror Firmer in college! He’s a genius at physical comedy and has the single greatest deer-in-the-headlights expression I’ve ever seen on a human being. And he’s just an all around nice and knowledgeable guy who is always down for anything. When you’re in the trenches of no-budget filmmaking, you want to be around people with that same “Viva la cinema!” indie spirit. . . and Trent is one of those types. And of course, I was delighted when Ricky came aboard because I’m a huge Army of Darkness fan! Those two guys had a great rapport!
JS: But let’s not forget Alisha Seaton, who kills as the go-to-work mom. Or Diane Goldner and Kat Harris, who bring the boobs and snip the nads in sterling fashion. Or baby Madeline, who’ll not soon be forgotten. Not to mention Matt, our star. . .
Were there any scenes that got cut out, either in editing or scripting?
CG: No scenes were wasted. . . Skipp and Andrew were very thorough in lining up the shots and we’d been over everything in the script, so we just got what we needed. With more time, we just would‘ve goofed off.
AK: The majority of the doctor’s office dream sequence as mentioned, a few lines here and there for pacing reasons. . . but we stuck remarkably close to the script.
JS: Lots of little moments got lost along the way, usually replaced by better moments. What actually happened was, we added the opening breakfast scene and love scene. The first for setup and relationship grounding that wasn’t there, and needed to be. The second because the day Matt and Alisha met, and we established their chemistry would work, they said, “We totally need a hot sex scene!” And they were right. So we whipped it up. And boy, are we glad we did!
AK: As a filmmaker, there’s always things you think you could’ve executed differently or better. But the script is pretty much there on film.
JS: I know Cody wished there was more blood, and I agree. Past that, though, everything went well past my expectations.
CG: More Zoe. . . We had another appliance made for Matt for a false ending to the nightmare sequence. . . an American Werewolf thing where he wakes up a withered husk, sucked dry by Zoe. We just ran out of time.
What was the most difficult sequence to film?
JS: Ask Andrew, but I think the hardest thing to shoot was the little girl watching Steven breastfeed Zoe in public. I wasn’t there – I was helping set up the doctor’s office – but I heard that shit got tricky.
I think everyone will tell you that the hardest thing of all was getting Madeline to say, “EAT DADDY!”
AK: The doctor’s office scene was the toughest because that was our first day, we were in the only rented location and short on time (not to mention we were competing with a band recording in the next room). So it was hustle, hustle, hustle in a cramped location. And you never ever feel like you’re on your game the first day of a shoot.
CG: I don’t know what they’re going to say, but the bookstore shot on the first day of filming was my most aggravating experience. I didn’t know I was supposed to bring the bra, and had to go bra shopping at Target first thing in the morning instead of eating all the doughnuts and trying to sneak copies of my books into the shot.
No, the aforementioned blood-squib shot is my Newlywed Game answer.
Any plans for future collaborations, perhaps an expansion into a feature-length film?
JS: STAY AT HOME DAD is exactly as long as it needs to be. A feature would just be sticking an air hose up its ass. But hell YEAH, we have a lot of future films in the works! Cody and I have some insane stories going. And Andrew and I will not stop directing till the world gets around to blowing up.
AK: Skipp & I have a whole slate of projects we want to get going but the closest on the horizon is an adaptation of The Long Last Call as well as Rose: The Bizarro Zombie Musical. But I think it’s safe to say that we want to spend the rest of our lives making movies.
CG: There’re a few film projects we’re all in on, if they ever get financing, and Skipp and Andrew have a bunch of projects in the hopper. Skipp and I are still working and playing together, but probably not on a novel anytime soon. I’ve got more to write than I’ll be able to finish in my lifetime, and I have a way lower threshold of frustration with the film business. It takes so much money and so many people to just get a chance to make a film, and you’re basically mounting a campaign of total warfare on reality to get it to do what you want it to. To just write words on a page and let the reader make the movie in their heads. . . that’s where my head and heart will always be, when I’m not making dreadful techno covers of obscure 80’s songs.
Anything you’d like to add or plug? Thanks!
AK: In addition to “Stay At Home Dad” on YouTube, you can check out my previous horror-comedy “Thirsty” on the FearNET website!
CG: My latest collection of Bizarro creature feature stories, All-Monster Action is loaded with interspecies sex and psychotronic violence, and fits easily in a stocking or a tailpipe.
JS: I’m releasing an insane 99 cent e-short story next week, called Art is the Devil, through my Fungasm Press. And my newest book is a triple-bill of fucked-up fem-o-centric horror screenplays called Sick Chick Flicks. So if you want a peek at some of the next films we’re up to, here’s your big chance!
Twisted Tuesdays: cooking
by Tracy Vanity
Learn how to make red food with a creepy Japanese doll. I love the noise freakout in the end and the Engrish translation.
All of PiroPito’s videos are pretty wtf. Piro’s “about me” description is very poetic:
My pretty DOLLs…
I have finished to make Achan Diary 12.
And I am making new video now. This is horror? nightmare? cult? satanic? unconscious?
but It took more time.
Plz wait more time ;…
I love Japan.
Dilation Exercise 75
In an effort to promote my new novel, A PARLIAMENT OF CROWS, released by Lazy Fascist Press, I created the Dilation Exercise below using an excerpt from the story. The novel is inspired by the three infamous Wardlaw sisters.
As the flames raced down his body, engulfing him entirely, Carolee got behind him with the damp mop and used the implement to shove him out of the carriage house.
Reeling and screaming, he ran out onto the campus lawn, fell to the ground, and died in a gurgling, writhing, blackening heap.
Artwork: “Ash of a Boy (revised and colorized)” copyright © 2006 Alan M. Clark. In it’s original monochrome form, this image was the cover art for Dark Discoveries Magazine – Issue #10 and appeared in the interior of the magazine as an illustration to the short story,”Scare Tactics,” by Eric Witchey.
Captions are original to this post and have nothing to do with the literary project with which the artwork first appeared.
—Alan M. Clark
Eugene, Oregon
