by Justin Grimbol
At around noon, a package was delivered to our front door. It was massive.
I dragged it inside, found a knife in the kitchen, tore it open.
The box was filled with glitter. Rainbow colored. Rainbow was my favorite color and I got really excited.
Vanessa walked in wearing the shortest short pants, making it so I could see her underbutt. Underbutt is my second favorite color.
“What’s this shit?” she said.
“I know,” I said.
“What do we do with it?”
I looked at her with a goofy grin on my face.
Her eyes got all big and I could tell she was excited about the idea.
I rushed us to the kitchen and made us some bad ass margaritas.
At first she didn’t know if she wanted to party. It was still so early in the day. But once she had a sip of my super special margarita with whipped cream all over the top of it, I could tell Vanessa would be so into it.
We drank our first drink and stared at the glitter. Her phone rang.
“It’s probably Phil,” she said. “I’ll call him later.”
Phil was her boyfriend. He was a party planner. He planned birthdays for famous people. But he didn’t actually like to party. He never wanted to get drunk or have any fun. It made no sense to me.
But that didn’t matter. He wasn’t coming.
I made us another glass.
“Now what?” she asked.
I called up some friends.
Once they heard there was a box of glitter they all rushed over.
Usually Vanessa hated my friends. She thought they were all kinda stinky. But she seemed less annoyed that day.
Once our guests arrived, we started playing with the glitter. We tossed it around and let it rain over us. It was so colorful and shiny.
And there was so much of it. The supply seemed never-ending.
We kept tossing it around.
Eventually we got all the glitter out of the box.
The floor was covered in the stuff.
“LET’S GET NAKED!” Vanessa yelled.
I was shocked. I hadn’t seen this girl act this way since college and that was a really long time ago.
She stripped down and she looked extra hot.
Her gazoongas were medium sized and had these big brownish red nipples on them. Her ass was small. Too small, but adorable.
My friends all got naked too.
We rolled around in the glitter until we were covered in the stuff.
The doorbell rang.
I found some random underpants and put them on, but they were too baggy and they barely fit. I pulled it up until the waist band had reached my nipples. The doorbell kept ringing.
“HOLD ON! I’M COMING! I’M COMING!”
Vanessa looked nervous. I told her to relax, that everything would be fine
I found some duct tape. That helped hold my boxers up.
The doorbell rang again.
I looked at Vanessa. She looked scared. I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. What was she so freaked out about?
I answered the door.
It was the mail man.
He told me that a box was delivered to our address accidentally.
He looked at all my naked friends.
He looked at the glitter that was all over the floor and our bodies.
He looked at the opened UPS box I had ripped open.
He looked at me, my boxers, and back at me again.
I hadn’t read the name on the package. That was my mistake. If I had, I would have realized it was meant to be delivered to my neighbor.
“Oops,” I said.
“Oops?” the postal worker said. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I made an oopsy.”
The postal worker told us to get all the glitter back in the package.
We looked at him and laughed.
He whipped out a hunting knife. He pressed a button on the knife’s handle and the blade lit on fire. It was a fucking fire knife.
“I want each piece of glitter in that box now!” he said.
“Okay!” I said. “Chill.”
We all started cleaning up the glitter.
It took us most of the day to clean.
The postal dude just chilled on the couch and watched.
Finally, we finished.
The postal guy took the package and left.
I watched him bring the box to my neighbor, Big Al.
At first Big Al was annoyed that the box was all beaten up. Then he opened it. Saw all the glitter. Then got really excited.
“GLITTER PARTY!” I heard him yell.
I walked back inside.
I told my friends we should keep partying.
They didn’t agree.
“I feel like I wasted my entire day,” Vanessa said.
“I thought we had a fun day.”
“But it wasn’t our glitter,” she said. “And it took forever to clean the shit up.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She gave me a big kiss on the cheek, then went to the bathroom to take a shower.
My friends left.
I got bored.
Fuck it, I decided.
I walked over to my neighbor’s house.
A large man answered the door.
He was so sweaty and naked and covered in glitter.
“I heard you were having a glitter party?” I said.
“GLITTER PARTY!” he yelled.
His family cheered.
I took off my clothes, left them on the front porch and joined the party.
Justin Grimbol is the author of DRINKING UNTIL MORNING, THE CRUD MASTERS, THE CREEK, THE PARTY LORDS and HARD BODIES (forthcoming). He is awesome at hugging and everybody knows it.