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Weird News

Bizarro News Roundup!

News of nonstop war and social collapse getting you down? Didn’t know that shit was happening? Doesn’t matter! It’s time to slide on down for a Bizarro News Roundup!

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  • We did not revert back to the 80’s…well actually some of us never left, but technically it’s 2014 and Weird Al has topped the Billboard charts:

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  • D.C. hospital rodent infestation is so bad that rodents are crawling up vaginas. That’s pretty bad. Good thing those vaginas were already dead.
  • You no longer need to be a serial killer to have your very own human skin furniture! Looks, feels, and smells like the real thing. Just what you always wanted.

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Until next time Bizarros!


Bizarro News Roundup!

Gollums, Neverending Story dragon-slaying, alien sightings, cannibalism, and yet another step towards the robot apocalypse. It’s time for a Bizarro News Roundup kids! Yee-haw!

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  • UFO sighting in Montana:

  • In more alien news, a retired marine has admitted to dedicating 17 years to defending 5 human colonies against Martians. He even enjoyed a nice retirement ceremony on the moon. The 30-minute video at the source link is worth a watch.

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The student waits to be rescued from the giant vagina sculpture

  • “Adelaide man Guy Albon, who had his four guns confiscated due to fears over his ‘mental competency’ brought about by him wearing a colander on his head in his gun licence photo, has been given the all clear after he insisted the utensil was crucial to his religion, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

Source

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  • In robot apocalypse news, Japan has unveiled a new robot newscaster among other android prototypes who will plot to destroy all humans in due time! Even with the uncanny valley shit going on, robot technology is finally reaching our Asimov expectations. Enjoy the video!

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Why anyone would kill a flying luck dragon who goes after school bullies is beyond me. My thoughts are with everyone in Fantasia. This is a sad day indeed.
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Credit to  for the above pic and for breaking the news and my childhood.
Never forget…
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Bizarro Breaking News: 12-year-old Girls Stab a Peer 19 Times in the Name of Slenderman

Prosecutors say two 12-year-old southeastern Wisconsin girls stabbed their 12-year-old friend nearly to death in the woods to please a mythological creature they learned about online.

Both girls were charged as adults with first-degree attempted homicide Monday in Waukesha County Circuit Court; they each face up to 60 years in prison if convicted. A court commissioner set bail at $500,000 cash per child. According to a criminal complaint, the girls had been planning to kill their friend for months and finally made the attempt in a park on Saturday morning, after a slumber party.

One of the girls told a detective they were trying to become “proxies” of Slender Man, a mythological demon-like character they learned about on creepypasta.wikia.com, a website about horror stories and legends. They planned to run away to the demon’s forest mansion after the slaying, the complaint said.

“I recognize their young ages but it’s still unbelievable,” Court Commissioner Thomas Pieper said during one of the girls’ initial court appearances Monday.

The victim suffered 19 stab wounds; one missed a major artery near her heart by a millimeter, doctors told police. She was in stable condition Monday. The court documents did not provide her name.

The Associated Press isn’t naming either girl who is charged because at least one of their attorneys plans to pursue moving her case into juvenile court, where proceedings are secret.

Both girls appeared in court wearing shackles and jail jumpsuits. They were surrounded by sheriff’s bailiffs, who towered over them. Family members of one of the girls wept openly as reporters snapped photographs. The other girl’s family sat stone-faced.

According to the criminal complaint, one of the girls told an investigator they began planning to kill their friend in December. The other girl told police they decided to kill her so they could become proxies of Slender Man, who would accept them and let them live with him in his mansion in the Nicolet National Forest.
The other girl said she sees Slender Man in her dreams. She said he watches her and can read her mind and teleport.

via WCPO

Now  n00bs to the internet are asking what creepypasta is and googling the shit out of Slenderman. Even CNN had a serious discussion about it. THAT is more bizarre to me than pre-teens stabbing each other.
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Via twitter, Slenderman issued a statement in response to the recent stabbings:
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The legend of Slenderman has evolved since its original inception back in 2009 but not until this recent incident has there been anything about him telling kids to try to commit murder. If anything, he tries to murder children or is seen right before their disappearance like in the popular Slenderman game. There is even fan art as to the origins of Slender.
Since Americans like to ban everything when kids do something random and stupid, we’ll see what the fate of Slenderman and creepypasta holds. In the meantime, Slenderman continues to do what he does best, creeping the shit out of people.

Bizarro Breaking News: 8-legged Hermaphroditic Goat Born in Croatia

This extraordinary baby goat has EIGHT legs and both male and female reproductive organs.

Vets say the extraordinary animal’s extra limbs are the result of an underdeveloped twin sibling.

Croatian farmer Zoran Paparic’s couldn’t believe what he was seeing when his goat Sarka recently gave birth.

He said: “I counted his legs and I thought I was seeing things. Then I called my neighbour to make sure that I am not crazy.”

Mr Paparic knows that it is unlikely the goat will survive but if it does could live for two of three years and he is keen to keep him.

via The Mirror


Twisted Tuesdays: Bizarro News Roundup, April Fools’ Edition!

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What’s fake and what’s real? Does it even make a difference? Here’s the latest weird news, hot off the internet!

  • NETFLIX unveils awesome “Cage Mode” films!

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  • Darth Vader is running for president of the Ukraine!

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Speaking of Florida

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  • The spaghetti harvest goes forward in Switzerland!

Happy April Fools’ Day, Bizarros! Do you have a favorite prank or hoax?

This is definitely a classic:


Twisted Tuesdays: Bizarro News Roundup!

Unfortunately, the story about Gordon Ramsay’s midget porn star double being eaten by badgers was an old hoax but damn that was one hell of a headline!

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It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on the weird shit happening around the world so here’s the latest Bizarro news!

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Until next time Bizarros!


Twisted Tuesdays: The Tokoloshe

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As I mentioned in a post about Krampus, kids need something to scare the shit out of them to not only get them to not be shitheads, but also because scaring the shit out of kids with stories of supernatural creatures that will get them for misbehaving is a fun tradition we should continue to uphold. It’s healthy for them.

In South Africa, there is a boogeyman/demon-like creature which varies in appearance. Some people say it is like a small hairy human, some say more like a dog, others say it’s a shape-changing vampire spirit…it seems to depend on what their grandmother told them. One thing is for sure, if a kid is being a real pain in the ass in South Africa, then the Tokoloshe will be sure to take their ass away unless they listen to their elders.

But the Tokoloshe doesn’t just terrorize children, it can cause a lot of evil and mischief for adults as well. There are reports of horny Tokoloshe that force themselves on victims, Tokoloshe that steal, and even ones that murder.

I first heard about the Tokoloshe in Die Antwoord’s “Evil Boy” music video. There is a dancing Tokoloshe with a huge dangling cock.

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Ninja and Yo-landi made a video with VICE, asking people in their neighborhood about what the Tokoloshe is. They even speak to a witch doctor and a journalist from The Daily Sun to learn more about this mysterious, mischievous monster. The story Ninja tells about his nanny putting bricks under her bed because of the Tokoloshe is creepy.

Africarve made this cool Tokoloshe puppet in case you want to sic them on any brats:

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