- Charles Manson is married! Congrats to the lovely couple. Jezebel posted some lessons we can all learn about love from Charlie and Star. Please note it is incorrect to call Manson a serial killer or mass murderer. Technically, he didn’t kill anyone, he just told his cult to. He also made lovely music with the Family.
- A park in Poland bans Winnie the Pooh because he’s a “half-naked hermaphrodite.”
- “Bumfights” creator wanted in Thailand for illegally trying to ship human body parts which he stole from the Bangkok Forensics Museum.
- “Naked man crashes through airport ceiling before violently attacking 84-year-old, say police” I think the craziest thing about this is that this didn’t happen in Florida!
- A Chinese hospital has devised a way to make men feel the pain of childbirth.
“Free sessions are held twice a week at Aima maternity hospital in Shandong province and about 100 men have signed up to be tortured. Most are expectant dads but there are thrill seekers too among the volunteers for ‘taster sessions.'”
- Speaking of signing up to be tortured, the McKamey Manor is still continuing their extreme haunt experience past Halloween. Russ keeps saying he is toning shit down but this last video is creepier than the ones in the last post. Two tough guys dressed as the Super Mario Bros end up throwing up and crying after 20 minutes! Also note the reference to Vegas. Russ live streams the haunts to unknown people in Vegas! You really need to watch this:
- On the 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, Fidel Castro tells The Atlantic that he believes Kennedy was assassinated due to a CIA conspiracy. JFK conspiracy theorists rejoice.
- While we’re on the subject of conspiracies, that bit with Jim Carrey “joking” about the Illuminati on Jimmy Kimmel was kind of creepy.
- Anonymous fights the KKK after the KKK threaten to shoot Ferguson protesters. Anonymous doxed the official KKK site and hacked their twitter account. They also “removed the hoods” of various KKK members, revealing all their personal information via twitter. The KKK are not happy.
- Meet the human platypus!
- British doctors found a tapeworm living in a man’s brain after he kept complaining about headaches. AHHHH!
- Want to try something new for Thanksgiving? How about deep fried tarantulas? It’s not that weird in Thailand. They eat all kinds of bugs here. I can buy some deep fried bugs right now off some street cart except I’m a vegan.
- A toddler in China accidentally lodges a chopstick up his nose all the way into his brain. You can see an x-ray of this and more fucked up x-rays here.
- London man wears a chicken skin gimp suit.
- Lab grown penises are real and ready to be tested on humans. Any volunteers?
And just in case you haven’t been on the internet in the past month:
Until next time Bizarros!
- Can’t carve worth a shit? You can buy a California organic “Pumpkenstein.” The price for this molded monster masterpiece? $75!
- In more monster pumpkin news, this 2,058 pound pumpkin set a record.
- Just in time for Halloween, the “Wasco Clown” is creeping out residents in this California town. More clowns are popping up all over Bakersfield, even arming themselves with knives. But that’s not weird for Bakersfield since that place is like Florida, only smaller.
- And yes Florida is still the weirdest city in the U.S. This Florida man said he could speak to animals and claimed some property as his since his sister was burned there as a witch. All while wielding a chain over his head. After being shot he “began dancing and flailing his arms.”
- A teenage girl dies during an exorcism in an Indian town.
- Exorcisms are not only still popular, but there are more exorcisms in the U.S. than ever before. The Catholic church has 10 “official” U.S. exorcists and there are hundreds of exorcism ministries in operation today.
- Ebola, Ebola, Ebola! Just to put things in perspective, 4,033 have died so far from this recent Ebola outbreak, while over 700,000 people die from diseases (mainly malaria) carried by mosquitoes every year. The flu, tuberculosis, and AIDS also kills millions of people every year and are easier to catch.
- A vampire grave has been unearthed in Bulgaria. The skeleton was found with a stake through its heart.
And for our final spooky story in this Halloween edition of the Bizarro New Roundup:
- Tupac and Karen Carpenter’s ghosts haunt DJ Quick. Damn, TMZ videos are fucking annoying. Don’t click on that link. I warned you!
Until next time Bizarros!
Lots of people have been sending me links to this promo video for the most extreme haunted house ever created. I’m glad that fucked up Halloween shit reminds you of me. I’m touched.
If you have not yet watched the video, watch it!
To call it a haunted house is an understatement. McKamey Manor isn’t some $5 backyard spook show with people in cheap costumes jumping out at you while you try to see through a fog machine. Russ and Carol McKamey, the creators of this unique horror experience have chosen to go all the way, much like a real-life Serbian Film, and totally destroy people’s minds.
News of nonstop war and social collapse getting you down? Didn’t know that shit was happening? Doesn’t matter! It’s time to slide on down for a Bizarro News Roundup!
- Indian teen with rare medical condition has 232 teeth removed from his mouth.
- Indian man finds a 5-foot crocodile in his shower.
- Have you heard about those mysterious Syberian sinkholes? They look like cute holes to hell. Scientists are still wondering what the fuck they are but now there are some theories. I still think it’s aliens.
- Check out this cool mining town in Australia that exists underground! There’s even an underground pub and bookstore.
- We did not revert back to the 80’s…well actually some of us never left, but technically it’s 2014 and Weird Al has topped the Billboard charts:
- In other music news, Primus are releasing an album of songs from the Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack. Here is a taste of what to expect:
- In Mexico, there’s an embalmed corpse of a woman who models wedding dresses at a bridal shop. Locals are freaked out but deal with it.
- Best mom ever goes to this deep sea octopus who looked after her eggs for 4 years and didn’t even eat! Cthulhu is pleased.
- Treasure news: Man buys cheap retirement land in Portugal and finds over a million dollars worth of vintage luxury cars locked up in the barn!
- Germany is now the penis enlargement capital of the world. Penoplasty is a real word and should be used often.
- A cool German crop circle has popped up out of nowhere. Thousands are flocking to check it out and have penoplasties.
- D.C. hospital rodent infestation is so bad that rodents are crawling up vaginas. That’s pretty bad. Good thing those vaginas were already dead.
- You no longer need to be a serial killer to have your very own human skin furniture! Looks, feels, and smells like the real thing. Just what you always wanted.
- Clowns help 68-year-old clown after she accidentally crashes her car into a pole. Wounded clown is injured but ok. They bounce back.
- CCTV captures footage of a ghost hanging out in a “theatre” in Essex and moving a chair. This happened after a psychic had been on stage earlier.
- You can now send kids to summer camp in North Korea and be a party of a North Korean talent show at the end! Lucky bastards.
- In the most awesome news of the week: cooking with LAVA!
Until next time Bizarros!
Gollums, Neverending Story dragon-slaying, alien sightings, cannibalism, and yet another step towards the robot apocalypse. It’s time for a Bizarro News Roundup kids! Yee-haw!
- While on vacation, a Chinese tourist happened across a golum-like creature while taking a piss. News reports say the creature resembles Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but I think it looks more like something from Pan’s Labyrinth. What do you think?
- UFO sighting in Montana:
- In more alien news, a retired marine has admitted to dedicating 17 years to defending 5 human colonies against Martians. He even enjoyed a nice retirement ceremony on the moon. The 30-minute video at the source link is worth a watch.
- It’s only a game…or is it? 3 Americans have been hospitalized with demonic possession while playing with a Ouija board in Mexico. Demonic possession videos are trippy.
- What do old people taste like? Depends. An elderly French lady has been accused of murdering and eating her 80-year-old husband’s genitals and other body parts. She is now being nicknamed the “female Hannibal Lecter.” To be fair, Hannibal murdered and ate many victims and is really fucking hot.
- Peanut, the winner of the 2014 World’s Ugliest Dog contest is cute in a demonic, bowel-ripping way. No, he’s adorable and the contest raises awareness on the importance of adoption. Congrats Peanut! He should be the Bizarro mascot!
- Man on meth eats sparkles at a Burlington Coat Factory. And he wasn’t in Florida!
- This man needs help removing his 100 pound scrotum.
- Foreign exchange student gets trapped inside a giant vagina sculpture. He doesn’t want to be named. I’d own that shit!
- “Adelaide man Guy Albon, who had his four guns confiscated due to fears over his ‘mental competency’ brought about by him wearing a colander on his head in his gun licence photo, has been given the all clear after he insisted the utensil was crucial to his religion, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”
Prosecutors say two 12-year-old southeastern Wisconsin girls stabbed their 12-year-old friend nearly to death in the woods to please a mythological creature they learned about online.
Both girls were charged as adults with first-degree attempted homicide Monday in Waukesha County Circuit Court; they each face up to 60 years in prison if convicted. A court commissioner set bail at $500,000 cash per child. According to a criminal complaint, the girls had been planning to kill their friend for months and finally made the attempt in a park on Saturday morning, after a slumber party.
One of the girls told a detective they were trying to become “proxies” of Slender Man, a mythological demon-like character they learned about on creepypasta.wikia.com, a website about horror stories and legends. They planned to run away to the demon’s forest mansion after the slaying, the complaint said.
“I recognize their young ages but it’s still unbelievable,” Court Commissioner Thomas Pieper said during one of the girls’ initial court appearances Monday.
The victim suffered 19 stab wounds; one missed a major artery near her heart by a millimeter, doctors told police. She was in stable condition Monday. The court documents did not provide her name.
The Associated Press isn’t naming either girl who is charged because at least one of their attorneys plans to pursue moving her case into juvenile court, where proceedings are secret.
Both girls appeared in court wearing shackles and jail jumpsuits. They were surrounded by sheriff’s bailiffs, who towered over them. Family members of one of the girls wept openly as reporters snapped photographs. The other girl’s family sat stone-faced.
According to the criminal complaint, one of the girls told an investigator they began planning to kill their friend in December. The other girl told police they decided to kill her so they could become proxies of Slender Man, who would accept them and let them live with him in his mansion in the Nicolet National Forest.
The other girl said she sees Slender Man in her dreams. She said he watches her and can read her mind and teleport.