New Eraserhead Press Releases — SPRING 2013
SHATNERQUEST by Jeff Burk
After the apocalypse, three Star Trek fans and their morbidly obese cat embark on a quest to save their beloved idol, the one and only William Shatner, from the hostile world America has become.
But their journey will not be easy, for the wasteland is filled with cannibal cults, Klingon biker gangs, Zombie Borg, and all manner of mutant creatures. And once they arrive at their destination, they discover that William Shatner has been transformed into Shatzilla – a giant 100-story radioactive monster hell-bent on destroying all of Los Angeles.
Now instead of saving Shatner from this new apocalyptic world, these three fans must save the world from this new apocalyptic Shatner. If only there was another giant monster who could take him down…
From the author who brought you the cult hit Shatnerquake, comes another Shat-tastic sci-fi comedy that proves once and for all that there actually is something even bigger than William Shatner’s ego. And it is… William Shatner!
Click here to buy from Amazon.com
VILLAGE OF THE MERMAIDS by Carlton Mellick III
MERMAID [mur-meyd] noun — a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.
Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren’t able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet.
The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these “feeder humans” are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids’ new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea.
Like a Lovecraftian version of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Village of the Mermaids is a dystopian mystery that proves once again how cult author Carlton Mellick III brings the weird to a whole new level.
AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM
SUMMER 2013 RELEASES:
(Coming in July)
“In Heaven Everything is Fine: Stories Inspired by the Films of David Lynch” ed. by Cameron Pierce
“Quicksand House” by Carlton Mellick III
“Japan Conquers the Galaxy” by Kirsten Alene
“You Are a Sloth” by Steve Lowe
Carlton Mellick III Celebrates His 40th Book Release with VILLAGE OF THE MERMAIDS
Starting with Satan Burger in 2001, author Carlton Mellick III has since become one of the most prolific authors of his generation. His average release schedule is four books per year, with a maximum of six releases in a single year. He has now reached 40 books in print at the age of 35. If he keeps up this pace he’ll break 100 books by the time he turns 50.
“If I thought there was a market for it I could easily write 10+ books per year instead of just 4,” says Carlton. “I am a full-time writer and I write at least 500 words per hour. If I actually worked like a person with a full-time day job, writing 8 hours a day 5 days a week, that would be an output of 80,000 words per month and 960,000 words per year. Since my average word length for a book is 40,000 words, I am theoretically capable of writing 24 books in a year. But that would be a hell of a lot of books!”
Whenever he’s asked if he feels like the quality of his work suffers from having such a large output, he always has the same response.
“Actually, it’s the complete opposite. The more I focus on quantity, the more the quality improves. If I ever write three books back to back in a three month period, the second book will always be better than the first and the third book will always be the best of the three. What does affect quality is stagnation. Never take too much time off between books. Trying to get back into writing after a long break is like trying to get back into shape after a two year fast food binge. It’s not a pretty sight.”
For his 40th book, Carlton chose to write a book about killer mermaids.
“I didn’t know it was going to be my 40th book when I wrote it, I just wanted to write a book about mermaids,” says Carlton. “Yeah, that’s right, I wrote a mermaid book. I wrote it because I think mermaids are awesome. I also think fairies and unicorns are awesome. You got a problem with that?”
Village of the Mermaids is now available at amazon.com
MERMAID [mur-meyd] noun — a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.
Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren’t able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet.
The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these “feeder humans” are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids’ new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea.
Like a Lovecraftian version of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Village of the Mermaids is a dystopian mystery that proves once again how cult author Carlton Mellick III brings the weird to a whole new level.
AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM
Bizarro Invades Los Angeles!
Thursday, January 10th at Stories Books and Cafe (1716 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, California 90026): A Bizarro Spectacular with Cameron Pierce, Kirsten Alene, Ben Loory, Amelia Gray, Ken Baumann, and Eric Raymond. 7PM. Free.
Friday, January 11th at Hyaena Gallery (1928 West Olive Avenue Burbank, CA 91506): Have your mind eaten by glittering tentacles from the stars, courtesy of Bizarro authors, poets, musicians and filmmakers from parts near and far. Strange things will happen courtesy of Cameron Pierce, Kirsten Alene, John Skipp, Laura Lee Bahr, The Slow Poisoner, Darius James, Marc Levinthal and Cody Goodfellow! Plus David Markham, the world’s only sword swallowing ventriloquist and Squeaker Kelly, the world’s most gifted psychic! 8PM. Free.
Saturday, January 12th at Kim’s Bar (2994 Rubidoux Blvd, Riverside, CA): The Slow Poisoner performs with Mute Point and Covered in Blood. 9PM. $3.
Sunday, January 13th aboard the Queen Mary (1126 Queens Highway, Long Beach, CA 90802): CTHULHU PRAYER BREAKFAST! Cthulhu, for those who are not familiar, is a hideous tentacled deity from another dimension whose return to Earth will plunge humanity into darkness and chaos forevermore. This uplifting event is part of Her Royal Majesty’s Steampunk Symposium, about which more can be found at PerilousPress.com/blog. 10AM. $25. Seating is limited!
For those of you further north, Cameron Pierce and Kirsten Alene will be reading with Ross E. Lockhart at the infamous 851 Squat in San Francisco on January 21st.
Wonderland Book Award winners announced!
At BizarroCon, the winners of the Wonderland Book Award were announced. Congratulations to the winners and all of the finalists. This year’s winners are:
BEST NOVEL OF 2011: Haunt by Laura Lee Bahr
Haunt is a tripping-balls Los Angeles noir, where a mysterious dame drags you through a time-warping Bizarro hall of mirrors. She’s the girl of your dreams. Too bad she’s dead. OR IS SHE? In Haunt, “you” are the hapless corporate tool and rock star wannabe turned private Dick. Here, even your most inconsequential choices can make all the difference between a Hollywood ending on the beach and sucking cock for clues. This is genial lowbrow high lit weirdness: the funny, punchy cousin of Danielewski’s House of Leaves, a Vonnegut and Salinger paté on a choose-your-own cracker, with a lapdance from Nancy Drew. As much fun to make as it is to eat! Laura Lee Bahr is an award-winning indie actor/playwrite/screenwriter with a gift for the hilariously, tragically absurd. Haunt is her first novel.
BEST COLLECTION OF 2011: We Live Inside You by Jeremy Robert Johnson
“WE LIVE INSIDE YOU is fucking terrific. Jeremy Robert Johnson is dancing to a way different drummer. He loves language, he loves the edge, and he loves us people. These stories have range and style and wit. This is entertainment… and literature.”–JACK KETCHUM, author of Off Season, The Girl Next Door, and The Woman (w/Lucky McKee)
We are within you, and we are growing. Watching. Waiting for your empires to fall. It won’t be long now.
We are the fear of death that drives you and the terrible hunger that reshapes you in its name. We are the vengeance born from senseless slaughter and the pulsing reptile desire that negates your consciousness. We are the lie on your lips, the collapsing star in your heart, and the still-warm gun in your shaking hands. The illusion of control is all we’ll allow you, and no matter what you do…
WE LIVE INSIDE YOU
BOOKS AND BOOZE JRJ INTERVIEW & SWALLOWDOWN PRESS RE-DESIGN
JRJ gathered some Evan Williams, an Apocalypse IPA, and his cell phone last week for this very enjoyable interview for the BOOKS AND BOOZE podcast.
Per the site: “In Books and Booze episode 16 we sit down with Jeremy Robert Johnson to talk about good beer, good bourbon, experimental writing, and NaNoWriMo. We talk about our favorite stories from We Live Inside You and Jeremy serenades us with the hits of the Doobie Brothers.”
Also, the Swallowdown Press website has just undergone a masterful re-design courtesy of Presidential Net Aesthetician Matthew Revert.
p.s. I am buying knives.
21C Magazine Interview With Jeremy Robert Johnson
“Ashley Crawford talks with Jeremy Robert Johnson about Bizarro, David Cronenberg, parasites and, inevitably, the end of the world.”
JRJ has been interviewed for 21C Magazine, whose prior subjects have included folks like Burroughs, Gibson, Shirley, Ballard, Acker, Brian Evenson, Mark Z. Danielewski, and Jonathan Lethem. You can click on the logo above to jump to the sprawling Q&A.
Now Available: THE BEST BIZARRO FICTION OF THE DECADE
A feeling has been tearing up the underground of the fiction world. It’s a nightmare reflection of the society you inhabit, a surreal explosion of pop, punk, and the post-apocalypse. Over the last decade, Bizarro Fiction has changed the definition of avant garde, it’s abolished the traditional prose of yesterday and established a new precedent for awesome. Collected in this anthology is some of the best weird fiction from the past decade. Award-winning writers, cult prodigies and burgeoning talents all collected together in one place. This is what you’ve done with the last ten years of your life.
With stories by:
D. Harlan Wilson, Alissa Nutting, Joe R. Lansdale, Carlton Mellick III, Kevin L. Donihe, Blake Butler, Ryan Boudinot, Vincent Sakowski, Cody Goodfellow, Amelia Gray, Robert Devereaux, Mykle Hansen, Athena Villaverde, Matthew Revert, Garrett Cook, Roy Kesey, Jeremy Robert Johnson, Aimee Bender, Ian Watson & Roberto Quaglia, Jeremy C. Shipp, Andersen Prunty, Jedediah Berry, Andrea Kneeland, Kurt Dinan, David Agranoff, Ben Loory, Kris Saknussemm, Stephen Graham Jones, Bentley Little, David W. Barbee, and Tom Piccirilli.
Published by Eraserhead Press. Edited by Cameron Pierce.
Order The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade today.
Eraserhead Press Book Releases, Fall 2012
Die You Doughnut Bastards by Cameron Pierce
“Like William S. Burroughs on crack!” – Thomas F. Monteleone, New York Times bestselling author
The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other.
In Die You Doughnut Bastards, amputees, lonely young people, and talking animals struggle for survival against the freakish whims of nature. A typewriter made of fetuses is the source of woe for an expecting couple. Tao Lin rewrites The Human Centipede 2. A girl with a glass jaw hides an otherworldly secret. A demonic loner goes to a birthday party in Hell. You’ll encounter a killer in a marsupial mask, a prison for anorexics, haunted pancakes, and a songwriter with a cult following.
Surreal prose poems give way to personal accounts of alienation and modern love. Vegetarian narwhals are sold at the supermarket. And in a city that might be your own, zombie doughnuts are rising up. Kill yourself before they kill you. Or just kill yourself.
Featuring original illustrations in the style of Daniel Johnston, Die You Doughnut Bastards is the latest way to drown, brought to you by Wonderland Book Award-winning author Cameron Pierce.
Kill Ball by Carlton Mellick III
In a city where all humans live inside of plastic bubbles, exotic dancers are being murdered in the rubbery streets by a mysterious stalker known only as Kill Ball.
“Somewhere between Kafka and My Little Pony, only even weirder than that sounds.” – Ben Loory, author of Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day“
Imagine Terry Gilliam directing from a script written by Jack Vance channeling the ghosts of Kafka and Calvino, and you’re closing in on the essence of Alene’s latest novel. A bold fusion of grounded surrealism, unfettered filth, and wit as dry and dark as a strip of unicorn jerky.” – Jesse Bullington, author of The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart
Mutant unicorns. A palace with a thousand human legs. The most powerful army on the planet. A first world city on the verge of collapse.
In a city where teetering skyscrapers block out the sky, a city populated by lowly clerks, rumors have been circulating of a terror in the east. When Carl, the lowliest clerk on the negative twelfth floor, discovers that the city is indeed in grave danger, he sets out to warn the city’s protectors: the Unicorn Riders.
Although Carl’s missing father has left him a unicorn of his own, it is a small and sickly creature. Even worse, there is a crab claw growing from its side. But the Unicorn Riders need as much help as they can get, and soon every able rider sets out for the city’s flooded perimeter in a steam-powered Spanish galleon.
An epic journey that spans desert and sea, through the bedchambers of a fearsome Eastern queen, and into the devastation of a conquered city, Unicorn Battle Squad is the story of a boy and his unicorn at the end of the world.
Unveiling the Table of Contents of THE BEST BIZARRO FICTION OF THE DECADE
At the Funeral by D. HARLAN WILSON
Ant Colony by ALISSA NUTTING
Fire Dog by JOE R. LANSDALE
Candy-Coated by CARLTON MELLICK III
The Traveling Dildo Salesman by KEVIN L. DONIHE
We Witnessed the Advent of a New Apocalypse During an Episode of Friends by BLAKE BUTLER
Cardiology by RYAN BOUDINOT
The Screaming of the Fish by VINCENT SAKOWSKI
Atwater by CODY GOODFELLOW
The Darkness by AMELIA GRAY
Li’l Miss Ultrasound by ROBERT DEVEREAUX
Crazy Shitting Planet by MYKLE HANSEN
Caterpillar Girl by ATHENA VILLAVERDE
Cops & Bodybuilders by D. HARLAN WILSON
A Million Versions of Right by MATTHEW REVERT
Hellion by ALISSA NUTTING
Mr. Plush, Detective by GARRETT COOK
Hat by ROY KESEY
The Sharp-Dressed Man at the End of the Line by JEREMY ROBERT JOHNSON
Hotel Rot by AIMEE BENDER
The Moby Clitoris of His Beloved by IAN WATSON & ROBERTO QUAGLIA
Scratch by JEREMY C. SHIPP
The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island by ANDERSEN PRUNTY
Inheritance by JEDEDIAH BERRY
Everybody is Waiting for Something by ANDREA KNEELAND
Ear Cat by CARLTON MELLICK III
Nub Hut by KURT DINAN
Punkupine Moshers of the Apocalypse by DAVID AGRANOFF
The Octopus by BEN LOORY
You Saw Me Standing Alone by KRIS SAKNUSSEMM
Mr. Bear by JOE R. LANSDALE
Zombie Sharks with Metal Teeth by STEPHEN GRAHAM JONES
The Planting by BENTLEY LITTLE
Surf Grizzlies by DAVID W. BARBEE
The Misfit Child Grows Fat on Despair by TOM PICCIRILLI
32 authors, 35 stories. In the pages of this anthology are stories which stretch the mind and challenge the idea of literature – surreal, nightmarish, absurd. Award-winning writers, cult prodigies and burgeoning talents. The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade, edited by Cameron Pierce. Coming soon from Eraserhead Press.
Out Now: SPACE WALRUS by Kevin L. Donihe and WALRUS TALES edited by Kevin L. Donihe
Space: the final frontier… these are the voyages of… a walrus?
Forget about squid and put your flippers together for the new stars of weird fiction: walruses.
Eraserhead Press is proud to announce the simultaneous release of not one, but TWO Kevin L. Donihe walrus books. Nine years ago, Donihe set out to compile the first ever anthology of walrus stories. That book, Walrus Tales, is finally upon us. The anthology contains stories by Bentley Little, Carlton Mellick III, Mykle Hansen, John Skipp, Alan M. Clark, Nick Mamatas, Gina Ranalli, Violet LeVoit, Rhys Hughes, and many more.
Not content to bestow upon the world merely one walrus book, Kevin L. Donihe set about writing a novel in the walrusian mode. Space Walrus is Kevin L. Donihe’s most compelling work since his Wonderland Book Award-winning novel, House of Houses.
She Was Not Impressed, The Worlds Worst Interview
by Justin Grimbol
A chubby old woman walked into the coffee shop and started asking random people if they wanted to be interviewed. She said she needed an article for the newspaper she worked for. No one wanted to talk to her.
“Come on, you seem like an interesting fella,” she said to one hipster.
“I don’t do anything,” he said.
“I’ll do an interview with you,” I said.
At that moment I was online promoting my book. I figured being interviewed by this woman might help sales a bit.
The people that were sitting around me gave me a strange look. Some of them got up and left. I couldn’t understand why they all hated this old lady so much. She just wants to interview them for some local paper. What was the big deal?
The woman sat next to me on a couch that was in the middle of the coffee shop. I felt like I was on display, like I was on Oprah or Richard Bay.
“I have such bad gas,” she said. “I think I ate too much candy.”
She leaned back and rubbed her tummy. I knew right then that there was something off about this woman. What kind of old woman talks about flatulence so openly?
I sat and waited to be interviewed. The woman rubbed her belly.
“So, what do you do?” she asked.
I told her I was a writer and that I had recently got a book published.
“How lovely. What’s it about?”
“It’s like the movie THE OUTSIDERS, but with…”
“What’s the OUTSIDERS?” she asked.
I had never met anyone who had not seen THE OUTSIDERS. This woman must be ancient, I decided.
“It’s like WEST SIDE STORY,” I told her.
She didn’t know what WEST SIDE STORY was either.
“It’s like Romeo and Juliet,” I said.
She still seemed confused. Did this woman not know what Romeo and Juliet was either?
“So your book is like Romeo and Juliet?”
“No, not at all. It’s about poor kids fighting rich kids and there are monsters,” I said. “It’s a Bizarro book.”
“What’s Bizarro?”
Usually when I describe Bizarro, I compare it to Lynch and Cronenberg and John Waters. I had a feeling this woman had no idea about any of those guys. So I brought up Roald Dahl.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“You know, the guy who wrote CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, WITCHES, MATILDA.”
She looked at me suspiciously, like I was lying to her.
“I’ve never heard of any of those books.”
“Well, have you ever heard of the Wizard of OZ? That’s kinda Bizarro.”
“Nope, sorry.”
“It’s just weird,” I said. “It’s just really weird fiction.”
“Do people actually read that stuff?” she asked, even though I had not yet described to her any Bizarro fiction except my own.
“Yes, people like it.”
The conversation went on. She mainly asked me questions about my life. She wanted to know where I was born and what I did for work and what college I went to. I kept trying to insert little things about my book. She was not interested.
I asked her what kind of Newspaper she worked for. She said it was more like a blog.
After an hour she looked at me and said “I’m sorry but this isn’t the kind of thing I am looking for.”
She then got up, farted, and left.
The guy sitting across from me laughed. “Dude, you just talked to that crazy lady for like an hour.”
I sat there and thought about what had just happened. I felt tired.
I walked over to Rosemont, dorky health food store across from the coffee shop. The old lady was there. She was standing next to the cashier and pestering customers, asking them if they wanted an interview. Everyone ignored her, except the cashier, who begged her to leave. She looked so upset. I felt bad for her. I would have offered to do another interview, maybe about something other than fiction, but I was just too worn out.
______________
Justin Grimbol is the author of THE CRUD MASTERS, part of the New Bizarro Author Series 2011-2012, now available on Amazon
LitReactor May ’12 Book Club Discussion: WE LIVE INSIDE YOU
LitReactor, the net’s premier site for literary news, discussion, and writer’s workshops, has chosen Jeremy Robert Johnson’s WE LIVE INSIDE YOU as its May ’12 Book Club Selection. The discussion will run for the entire month and Jeremy will be participating (i.e. drinking heavily and posting nude manatee pics).
So, if you’ve already read one of Bizarro’s most popular and critically acclaimed titles and want to join the discussion, feel free to jump in!
And if you want to check out the book legendary horror author Jack Ketchum calls “Fucking terrific.” you can pick it up at Powell’s, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and for Kindle and Nook.
OUT NOW: ALL-MONSTER ACTION!
ALL-MONSTER ACTION! by Cody Goodfellow is now available at Amazon, featuring art from Mike Dubisch (cover and interiors) and Nick Gucker (interiors):
“A tour-de-force! Goodfellow’s latest is his best yet. Compulsive, breakneck reading!” —BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Ghoul
IT’S THEIR WORLD… NOW GET THE FUCK OFF!
Whether on the sun-kissed beaches of a nameless South Pacific paradise or in the suffocating dungeons of retail Hell, the misfits of evolution and mistakes of misbegotten science are battling, breeding, and feeding. And they’re looking at you…
COMING ATTRACTIONS!
They came seeking cheap thrills and interspecies recreational sex, but they reaped a whirlwind of clusterfuckery when they toyed with the unspeakable forces of monster lust. From the idyllic nostalgia of WW2 to the thoroughly bat-shit future, witness the wages of sin and mutation as you’ve never seen them before (unless you read them previously in the periodicals or anthologies in which they first appeared)!
OUR MAIN FEATURE!
The world gave him a blank check and a demand: Create giant monsters to fight our wars. But Dr. Otaku was not satisfied with mere chaos and mass destruction…. Even as his subversively delicious kaiju creatures undermined the very fabric of American life, he hatched a scheme to animate the cities themselves and inaugurate a new dark age of mega-monster abominations who would finally give humanity the ass-whipping it deserved. Now only one man, riding inside the skull of a much larger man, stands between us and the planet-devastating madness of…
ALL-MONSTER ACTION!
“ALL-MONSTER ACTION! is hilarious, action-packed, and way too much fun. Over-the-top and wild! Highly recommended.” — JONATHAN MABERRY, New York Times Bestselling author of Dust & Decay and Assassin’s Code
“This is your chance. You only think you’re hip—but you haven’t read this Cody Goodfellow book, so you’re not yet. Now you can be hip, and read something crazy entertaining too. You can’t go wrong, man, I’m telling you. You’ve got to read this thing. I mean, if a book rocks, it rocks, that’s all.” —JOHN SHIRLEY, author of A Song Called Youth
“Cody Goodfellow’s writing etches itself inside your eyelids and chases your brain back into the dark corners where you can’t escape. ALL-MONSTER ACTION! has more high concepts in a paragraph than a whole summer of blockbusters: a mad scientist who’s passed on like the flu; biotech mutants harvested for fun and profit; and a giant monster arms race that ends in a showdown on the moon. This book is a human’s-eye view of the future coming down hard on us, like a Tokyo resident gazing up at the sky and seeing only the outline of a giant foot.” —CHRISTOPHER FARNSWORTH, author of Blood Oath and The President’s Vampire
“ALL-MONSTER ACTION! is a dirty bomb right to the cerebral cortex—it’s sharp, smart, scary, scarring, sexy and brutally funny. And like any good bomb, it’s got specific targets in mind: Genre and gender, racism, colonialism, ageism and classism. ALL-MONSTER ACTION! demonstrates again that Cody Goodfellow is some kind of mad-ass genius.” —LISA MORTON, author of The Castle of Los Angeles and Monsters of L.A. and Four-Time Winner of the Bram Stoker Award
“One of the most unique and creative works I’ve ever read. The author is quite obviously insane, but like Colonel Kurtz, he’s got a plan. ALL-MONSTER ACTION! is packed with wild, driving energy that carries the reader along like an out-of-control Disney ride. Cody Goodfellow combines genres and crazed pop-cult tropes with finesse and style. Old Mr. Yeats kept bitchin’ about ‘the centre cannot hold.’ Bullshit. With ALL-MONSTER ACTION! Cody Goodfellow proves he can hold the center together and play lead guitar at the same time. Filled with crazed, strange characters drawn from pop-cult, z-grade cinema and zillions of comic books, the pace is frantic and the imagery often makes you laugh while you cringe. What impresses me most with ALL-MONSTER ACTION! is Cody’s ability to take cultural icons and clichés and turn them into a funny, intelligent, satiric story that perhaps Max Ernst would have written if he fronted Black Flag. ALL-MONSTER ACTION! made me remember those late nights as a kid, watching amazingly strange films and thrilling to every minute. Cody Goodfellow must have caught those films, too, because his fevered stories have one foot in the past and one foot in the present. Reading ALL-MONSTER ACTION! gave me the same pleasure as the first time I saw ‘The Navy vs. the Night Monsters.’ Brilliant!”—RICKY LEE GROVE, The Greatest Character Actor Ever (Army Of Darkness, Point Break, Scanner Cop) and the Pizza Delivery Man in Your Mom’s Recurring Wet Dreams
OUT NOW: “The Handsome Squirm” by Carlton Mellick III
A tale of marriage, child-rearing, and vaginas that eat people.
A man is arrested in the middle of the night. He doesn’t know why. He doesn’t remember committing any crime. The cops drop him off in a small community in the middle of the woods where a wedding is about to begin. It is his wedding. He doesn’t recognize the bride, but she’s allegedly pregnant with his children. All twelve of them. And by law, he must marry her or go to prison for the next two decades.
But who is this strange woman he is to spend the rest of his life with? She doesn’t seem quite human. Her expressions are cold and emotionless. Her movements are like that of a spider. She is Usagi, a creature who feeds on her human mate during pregnancy. Now this man has to find a way to terminate the marriage if he is to survive. But it’s not going to be easy. His friends, his family, and his country are all against him. They believe a father should be willing to give up anything for the sake of his family. Even his life.
Like Franz Kafka’s The Trial meets an erotic body horror version of The Blob, this darkly absurd tale is classic Mellick.
AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM
“Mamma Mia, That’s a Spicy Anthology!” A Review of Amazing Stories of The Flying Spaghetti Monster
by Steve Shroyer
In 2005 a young man sent a message to the state school board in Kansas, and inadvertently created a cult icon. Bobby Henderson’s letter to the Kansas Board of Education was in response to the board’s plan to teach the scientifically unfounded theory of “Intelligent Design” alongside the more scientific Evolution theory brought to us by Charles Darwin. Henderson’s logic is that if these intelligent design folks say an unknown being created the universe, why can’t this being be a floating mass of pasta. Thus, The Flying Spaghetti Monster was born, and a cult of followers who called themselves “Pastafarians” began spreading his tasty word around the internet and anywhere intelligent design was being debated.
While I am not a devout Pastafarian (I am happy being a Methodist, do it please ya) I like the idea of FSM and what he stands for which is basically pointing out right wing loons and their falsehoods. That is something I get a kick out of quite intensely, and being someone who has at least a few books on the religious right on his shelf, right next to F.A Hayek’s The Road to Serfdom and Hunter S. Thompson’s Generation of Swine, I find that this kind of humor is also well founded. The only problem was is that we had no works of fiction that could capture FSM’s giddy mixture of religion and Monty Python silliness without being contrived(look at the star ratings for the book God Speaks and the reviews inside to see what I mean.) until now. Cameron Pierce, whom I consider the Bizarro offspring of Tim Burton and Lloyd Kaufman, has created, alongside 23 of his equally loony contemporaries, what amounts to the mother of all FSM books. That book is Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Creating a collection is not easy, some stories are juicier and more tender cuts and some stories are gristly, tough, and dry. Like a master chef crafting the ultimate pasta dish Pierce has blended perfectly savory bits of humor with spicy and flavorful darkness in every story he has included in this collection. Among the highlights are Steve Lowe’s take on a young man’s encounter with god and one Olive Garden employee that just doesn’t believe, S.G Browne’s take on James Lipton’s interview of his “Noodly Goodness” on a spin-off of “Inside the Actor’s Studio” And Adam Bolivar’s take on FSM’s attempt to become a god that features the odd pairing of Charlie Sheen and Cthulhu in one story.
I loved this book, it’s not only a good read it is also a good showcase for the talent of the writers included. Right away I began seeking out some of the author’s stuff more recently completing Spore which was written by two authors in this book, John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow.
This book is a perfect gateway to the Bizarro genre for those who can’t see themselves reading the genre’s more offbeat titles.
So what are you waiting for? Get this book and be touched by his Noodly Appendage!
Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster featuring stories by John Skipp, Stephen Graham Jones, Kate Bernheimer, S.G. Browne, Cody Goodfellow, Mykle Hansen, Kevin L. Donihe, Bradley Sands, Jeffrey Thomas, Kelli Owen, and many more, is available now on Amazon!
Three New Books from Eraserhead Press!
To finish off 2011 and usher in 2012 right, Eraserhead Press has released three new books:
ARMADILLO FISTS by Carlton Mellick III
A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars.
Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the most bloodthirsty fighter in the world of illegal underground boxing. But now she is on the run from a group of psychotic gangsters who believe she’s responsible for the death of their boss.
With the help of a stegosaurus driver named Mr. Fast Awesome–who thinks he is God’s gift to women even though he doesn’t have any arms or legs–June must do whatever it takes to escape her pursuers, even if she has to kill each and every one of them in the process.
Strange, engaging characters, breakneck pacing, and jam-packed with more brilliantly weird concepts than you’ll know what to do with–this is cult author Carlton Mellick III at his best.
Available at amazon.com
CLOCKWORK GIRL by Athena Villaverde
Urban fairy tales for the weird girl in all of us.
Athena Villaverde is a brave new voice in the world of offbeat young adult fiction. Like a combination of Francesca Lia Block, Charles de Lint, Kathe Koja, Tim Burton, and Hayao Miyazaki, her stories are cute, kinky, edgy, magical, provocative, and strange, full of poetic imagery and vicious sexuality. Clockwork Girl is a collection of three short bizarro novellas that make a perfect introduction to her unique style.
CATERPILLAR GIRL
Cat Filigree is a caterpillar girl trapped in the ugly stages of metamorphosis, desperately waiting to be transformed into a butterfly. With her flaky skin and glazed eyes, she has become one of the least popular girls at her high school. Tormented daily by the popular lady bug girls and fig-beetle jocks, she hides away from the world, listening to Bauhaus records and reading Grant Morrison comics. She thinks she’s doomed to be alone forever, until she meets Lilith- a beautiful, punk rock, corset-wearing spider girl whom Cat falls madly in love with. But there’s a problem: because she’s a spider girl, Lilith has the tendency to kill and eat her lovers. And butterflies happen to be her favorite food.
CLOCKWORK GIRL
Pichi was once a normal human girl. But now her skin is made of brass, her organs have been replaced by cogs and gears, and her heart must be wound up every day in order to stay alive. She is a clockwork girl. Like most children of poor families, she was sold to a toymaker, surgically transformed into a mechanical living doll, and given as a Christmas present to a rich little girl who was no longer satisfied with ordinary porcelain dolls. She has no memory of her past or even her real name. All she knows is that she’s in love with her new owner and wants to be with her forever. But what she doesn’t know is that little girls always outgrow their toys, eventually.
BEEHIVE GIRL
Her skin is made of honeycomb. She smells of baked oranges and is dripping with amber- colored honey. Living bees swarm around her like miniature lovers and crawl through her hair as she dances. She is Maya, the queen of the tango; the sexiest, most powerful dancer in town. Every man in the tango community longs to dance with Maya, but very few dare to try. You see, Maya’s skin is a living beehive. And if a man attempts to dance with her who lacks the proper amount of talent and grace, he will get stung . . . perhaps even stung to death.
Available at amazon.com
GARGOYLE GIRLS OF SPIDER ISLAND by Cameron Pierce
A bizarro twist on island horror stories such as Dagon, Zombi 2, and Brian Keene’s Castaways.
Four college seniors venture out into open waters for the tropical party weekend of a lifetime. Instead of a teenage sex fantasy, they find themselves in a nightmare of pirates, sharks, and sex-crazed monsters.
Oscar shouldn’t have stolen his stepdad’s boat, but he wanted to impress Colette, who he has been pining after since their freshman year. This vacation was the perfect time to let the romantic sparks fly. With his best friend Allen (and Colette’s friend, Jane, the bitch) tagging along, Oscar saw no way this trip could possibly suck. His hopes die when they are hijacked by pirates. Then their boat sinks and someone gets eaten by a shark. Finally, stranded on a tropical island with an endless supply of rum, Oscar believes their epic weekend can finally begin. But the island is populated by a savage race of beautiful women. When night falls, these women transform into grotesque monsters unlike anything ever seen in fiction.
Pulp horror with a heart, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is the most deranged island horror story ever told.
Available at amazon.com via seo companies
Bizarro Central Story of the Year Finalists
Here are the ten finalists voted on by readers for Bizarro Central’s story of the year contest. You have until December 30th to cast your final vote. Please email your vote to bizarrocentralstoryoftheyear@gmail.com. The winner will be announced on January 1st.
Finalists
Artichoke by Kirsten Alene(from Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens #10)
Surf Grizzlies by David W. Barbee (from Unicorn Knife Fight)
Death and the Great Mechanico by Mykle Hansen (from Hooray for Death)
Laws of Virulence by Jeremy Robert Johnson (from We Live Inside You)
Unfruitful Works by Jordan Krall (from Unfruitful Works and Personal Horrors)
I Am Genghis Cum by Violet LeVoit (from I Am Genghis Cum)
Ear Cat by Carlton Mellick III (from Fantastic Orgy)
No Children by Cameron Pierce (from Abortion Arcade)
The Driver’s Guide to Hitting Pedestrians by Andersen Prunty (from The Driver’s Guide to Hitting Pedestrians)
Glory Holes by Gary Lee Vincent (from The Big Book of Bizarro)
Interview: Vince Kramer on Gigantic Death Worm
by Justin Grimbol
This is one of the most wonderfully over the top books I have ever read. I read it late at night. My girlfriend kept waking up to the sound of me laughing hysterically. She got really annoyed. I kept thrashing around the bed acting like little kid that was being tickled. That’s how much fun it is to read this fucking book.
It’s packed with crazy. There’s tons bears that spit wolves, partying college kids, raunchiness, Mexican ninjas, death worm’s spitting out all sorts of crap, things getting bit off, partying, and pervert Mayans. All the characters are despicable, but by the end I found myself completely attached. It’s a real skill to take a despicable character and make them loveable without being sappy. And this book isn’t sappy, not even for a second.
I loved this so much. I bought it on kindle. But I’m going to have to buy the paperback as well. I need to be able to hold this gem in my hands.
As soon as I finished the book I wrote to the author and asked him for an interview.
Justin Grimbol: What was it like to write this book? You had to be cracking yourself up the whole time.
Vince Kramer: It was intense. I had my roommate/editor (Kevin Shamel) take away my internet router AND my cellphone, and I sat in a hot room in July and banged the whole thing out in three days. I’m so addicted to the internet that it was mandatory for it to be taken away. And it was even taken to another state (Washington) where there was no chance I’d get it back until Kevin came home. I was just at my friend Carl’s birthday party a few nights previous and he and my friend Cameron were talking about starting their three-day writing marathons that week. I had only been writing four pages here and there for months so I asked a lot of questions and got some killer advice on doing it. I mean, these guys are the masters. I think Carl wrote I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter that week and Cameron wrote Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom. And I finished Gigantic Death Worm. It was almost too easy. I didn’t stop to edit and just had a lot of fun writing it. It was a blast, actually. And another awesome thing that Cameron said was that you know you have something when your own shit is making you laugh out loud. So yeah, I actually had many moments when I just couldn’t stop laughing after I wrote something. It was like, “Holy shit, did I really just write that?” And by the time I got to the part in my book where the worms are destroying the city, it was the 4th of July and everyone in the neighborhood was setting off fireworks all night. So, there were big sounds of explosions all around me every five seconds, and I just imagined it was the sound of Gigantic Death Worms destroying the fuck out of Portland. I think that really helped me with advancing that part of the story, LOL.
JG: How did you get introduced to Bizarro fiction?
VK: I grew up with Carlton Mellick and he’s pretty much remained my best friend since high school. When he started writing and moved to Portland ten years ago, I bought every single one of his books the week it came out on Amazon. It’s one of the coolest things ever to have one of your closest friends growing up become your favorite writer. Carl just was writing the kind of stuff I’ve always wanted to read. I didn’t even know there was a genre called Bizarro until years later and there were lots of other killer writers in the scene. Carl gave me a copy of one of Kevin Donihe’s books on a trip to Portland in 2005 and I immediately loved the fuck out of his writing too. And the Choose Your Own Adventure book Carl co-wrote with him blew my mind. And so, on subsequent vacations to Portland over the next few years to see Carl, the whole thing just started blowing up with Bizarro getting bigger and bigger. My vacations started to become very Bizarro-oriented. I was introduced to Mykle Hansen (who’s like a GOD), and tons of other great writers (AND people) in the scene like Cameron Pierce and Jeff Burk. And eventually Carl reeled me in, said he always thought I was kind of an aspiring writer, and made me go to Bizarro Con. I’m glad he did.
JG: You love toys. You brought a bunch out in a performance once. Did playing with toys help you write this book?
VK: Fuck yes, they helped a shitload. Playing with action figures really flexes your creative muscle and helps you out a lot with your characters, situations, and even dialogue. Worm-Head Girl was even birthed from me creating her action figure out of different parts one night for fun and annoying the shit out of Kevin with her. I took multiple forced perspective-shot pics of him being attacked and shot at by her. Kevin Shamel HATED Worm-Head Girl. It was the funniest thing ever. And by the time I had my story outlined and my characters rounded out on notecards, I had a figure from my collection for each one of them. Dave was Chuckles from G.I. Joe, since the character is kind of me and I’m blonde and like to wear Hawaiin shirts. Mike and Suzanne were Scarlett and Snow Job, also from G.I. Joe, because the characters came with skis and ski-poles. A Mexican ninja was Spirit, the Native American G.I. Joe, who had tons of killer weapons. I used that crazy dog cenobite from Hellraiser as one of my bears, my Snake Eyes figure came with a perfect wolf, and Spirit even came with little green snakes that were perfect for Dave’s brain parasites. And to top it all off, I had the huge worm toy from Dune that I had gotten from the vintage place here in Portland, Billy Galaxy, to pose as my Gigantic Death Worm. I had a perfect diorama of a whole fight scene from the book displayed on a giant crystal centerpiece on my coffee table the whole time I wrote the book. The toys are so fun I brought them to the performance at Bizarro Con for a little show-and-tell, and it definitely would be funny to shoot a video of them acting out a scene from the book. I’ve dabbled in that before with some Star Wars figures before and it turned out pretty hilarious. Action figures rule.
JG: Your writing style is so casual and so unique. How long have you been writing?
VK: Thank, dude! Well, just about 11 months really. I discovered flash-fiction back in January, and that sounded easy because it’s so short, so I started writing those like crazy. I guess I got a lot of practice because I ended up writing almost a hundred of them, probably enough for a whole book. I just wrote and wrote and I think I got a lot better as I went on. I think I gave up at one point though, but it wasn’t long before Kevin was at my house on vacation reading some of it and laughing his ass off. He was in tears. He was choking. At almost every line of my stories. I was really in shock. From that point on I got nothing but tons of encouragement from Kevin. And Kevin wrote one of the funniest books ever, Rotten Little Animals, which I was already a huge fan of, so Kevin really knows his comedy. I really don’t think I would have become an actual writer if Kevin hadn’t read some of my stories that night. Hearing someone laugh out loud in person at my shit really just nailed it for me. One of the main things I’ve always tried to do in my life is make other people laugh and I think with writing, I can succeed in that in a bigger way than ever before.
JG: Did you listen to music while writing this thing?
VK: Oh god yes. And this is a really funny thing. I’ve been collecting tons of vintage albums on vinyl since I moved to Portland, since we pretty much have the best record stores in the world. I’m a huge metalhead, but I’m also REALLY into the ‘80s. I had just started buying every single one of my favorite ‘80s pop bands’ albums I could find. Mike + the Mechanics, The Fixx, Devo, Talking Heads, Asia, Saga, The Cars, Loverboy, Cyndi Lauper, Billy Joel, Tears For Fears, The Power Station, Kajagoogoo, Madonna, The Romantics, Berlin, The Thompson Twins, Men Without Hats; you name it – I’ve got it. I have a pretty sweet record player set-up in my living room, and I’ve spun tons of these at all the big Bizarro house parties I’ve thrown up here. I had a big Caribbean Coconut Cup Drink Hawaiin Shirt Party (you’ve heard of those, right? LOL), and Billy Ocean’s “Suddenly” was in rotation a lot. Caribbean Queen is one of my favorite songs ever, and that record ended up staying in the player for a long time after. I just loved it. Me and Kevin even came up with a hilarious movie idea based on it about Billy Ocean’s private island, and the girl with amnesia who gets shipwrecked there and washes up on the shore, meets him, falls in love, gets her groove back, but then finds out she has cancer and dies or something. We called it “Into the Ocean” and came up with the tagline ‘She came out of the ocean, and got into his car.’ It was so fucking hilarious!! It was that one, and Nervous Night by The Hooters (the one with And We Danced and All You Zombies), that were the records I spun pretty much ALL THE TIME for a month. Couldn’t get enough, they’re just the best fucking records ever. So, by the time the writing of my book came around, I had bought a bunch of other new vintage records to listen to, but found they were really, really distracting since I hadn’t heard any of them yet. It turned out I literally couldn’t write anything unless Billy Ocean or The Hooters were playing. I was just so used to them! They were almost like white noise by that time. So, in the end, I really have to credit Billy Ocean a great deal for helping me write Gigantic Death Worm. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it probably wouldn’t have been written without him.
JG: If you could get one major actor to star in the film version of GIGANTIC DEATH WORM, who would it be?
VK: Oooh, that’s a tough one. I’ve never thought of that. Well, I think it would have to be Taimak, the star of that cheesy ‘80s kung-fu movie The Last Dragon. That’s pretty much the best movie ever. I have a framed signed glossy from him hanging on my wall that says “Vince – you got the power of the glow” (YES!), and it’s a big source of mirth and inspiration for me. But he’s black so they’d just have to make Gigantic Death Worm with black people, which would probably turn out really awesome. Hell, they could even just make The Last Dragon 2 and have a big death worm in the background destroying the city for no reason and I’d be pretty happy.
JG: What is your favorite part of this book and why?
VK: The scene in the newsroom with Mark Curtis and Lin Sue Cooney.
Growing up in Arizona, I had to look at that guy and his big stupid mustache every night on TV for about 20 years. I always wanted to make fun of him, her, and their stupid fucking news show. I thought it would be funny to cut to a scene like that in the book, where they’re talking about the worms destroying the city and the correlation between that and 2012 like it’s no big deal and they’re laughing about it, and then they just switch to a fun celebrity story. That’s what I always hated about newscasters – they’re covering some big tragic and terrible story and they smile the whole time to be personable and always add a little comment at the end they both laugh at. And someone just like, died horribly or something. So, I always wanted to lampoon that. Having the newsroom explode while it’s devoured by the gigantic death worm, and have everyone die a fiery death, I love it; it’s just so fucking hilarious. I laugh my ass off every time I read that page in my book. It’s my favorite by far.
_______________
Vince Kramer’s GIGANTIC DEATH WORM and Justin Grimbol’s THE CRUD MASTERS are now available on Amazon along with the rest of the 2011 New Bizarro Author Series!
Twilight versus Cthulhu! Who is the evilest of all?
Sparkly vampires are at war against everybody’s favorite squid god. It’s up to you to decide the outcome. Cast your vote in the comments section to determine the evilest monster of all time.
Here are the possible outcomes:
Sparkly vampires: They’ll destroy Cthulhu with lip gloss and feminine anxiety.
Sparkly vampires: H.P. Lovecraft was a hack.
Cthulhu: Clearly, he is a more powerful dark wizard than Edward.
Cthulhu: Stephanie Meyer is a hack.
Nobody. They’ll kill each other after a long, bloody battle.
Nobody. They’ll realize that they’re both just sexually repressed and leave the battle feeling “not man enough.”
Lolcats.
Other: Devise your own outcome for the greatest monster battle of our time!
Cast your vote in the comments section on this post!
Every voter will be entered into a raffle to win a special vampire/Lovecraftian package, which will include a Cthulhu Santa t-shirt, The Selected Fiction of Henry James (signed by Re-Animator director STUART GORDON), The Book of Cthulhu edited by Ross Lockhart, a bootlegged copy of every Twilight film, The Orange Eats Creeps by Grace Krilanovich, and more.
The winning monster (as well as the raffle winner) will be announced at Bizarro Central on December 26th.
And if that’s not enough vampire/Cthulhu action for you, be sure to pick up Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom by Cameron Pierce, an apocalyptic horror comedy about the pitfalls that occur when Cthulhu invades a town of teen vampires.
2010 Wonderland Book Award
At BizarroCon, the winners of the Wonderland Book Award were announced. Congratulations to the winners and all of the finalists. This year’s winners are:
BEST NOVEL OF 2010: By the Time We Leave Here, We’ll Be Friends by J. David Osborne
Siberia, 1953. Stalin is dead and a once-prosperous thief named Alek Karriker is feeling the pressure. Trapped in an icy prison camp where violent criminals run the show, betrayed by his friends and his body, Karriker is surrounded by death and disorder. Bizarre Inuit shamans are issuing ever-stranger commands that he must obey. Opium is running scarce and bad magic is plentiful. Razor-tooth gangsters can smell Karriker’s blood and they plan to murder him more than once. The only option: ESCAPE.
Enlisting the aid of an aging guard, a cold-blooded killer, and a beautiful, murderous nurse, Karriker must now secure his getaway by finding a “calf”: a gullible prisoner to be cannibalized when the tundra is at its most barren. As the vice grows tighter and life in the gulag becomes increasingly surreal, Karriker must hurry to find his mark and convince him…
BY THE TIME WE LEAVE HERE, WE’LL BE FRIENDS
BEST COLLECTION OF 2010: Lost in Cat Brain Land by Cameron Pierce
Sad stories from a surreal world.
A fascist mustache. A desert inside a dead cat. The ghost of Franz Kafka. Primordial entities mourn the death of their child. The desperate serve tea to mysterious creatures. A hopeless romantic falls in love with a pterodactyl.
From a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles where robotic gargoyles are law, to a blighted suburbia where the elephant god Ganesh seeks revenge on a man and his android wife, Cat Brain Land is a place of domestic despair and nightmare foreboding. Where sirloin steaks enroll in daycare and ex-lovers return as tiny dolls. This is a land of camel people and the Lord of Meat. The farther into Cat Brain Land you get, the more difficult it will be to get out.
