New Eraserhead Press Releases — SPRING 2013
SHATNERQUEST by Jeff Burk
After the apocalypse, three Star Trek fans and their morbidly obese cat embark on a quest to save their beloved idol, the one and only William Shatner, from the hostile world America has become.
But their journey will not be easy, for the wasteland is filled with cannibal cults, Klingon biker gangs, Zombie Borg, and all manner of mutant creatures. And once they arrive at their destination, they discover that William Shatner has been transformed into Shatzilla – a giant 100-story radioactive monster hell-bent on destroying all of Los Angeles.
Now instead of saving Shatner from this new apocalyptic world, these three fans must save the world from this new apocalyptic Shatner. If only there was another giant monster who could take him down…
From the author who brought you the cult hit Shatnerquake, comes another Shat-tastic sci-fi comedy that proves once and for all that there actually is something even bigger than William Shatner’s ego. And it is… William Shatner!
Click here to buy from Amazon.com
VILLAGE OF THE MERMAIDS by Carlton Mellick III
MERMAID [mur-meyd] noun — a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.
Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren’t able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet.
The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these “feeder humans” are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids’ new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea.
Like a Lovecraftian version of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Village of the Mermaids is a dystopian mystery that proves once again how cult author Carlton Mellick III brings the weird to a whole new level.
AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM
SUMMER 2013 RELEASES:
(Coming in July)
“In Heaven Everything is Fine: Stories Inspired by the Films of David Lynch” ed. by Cameron Pierce
“Quicksand House” by Carlton Mellick III
“Japan Conquers the Galaxy” by Kirsten Alene
“You Are a Sloth” by Steve Lowe
Carlton Mellick III Celebrates His 40th Book Release with VILLAGE OF THE MERMAIDS
Starting with Satan Burger in 2001, author Carlton Mellick III has since become one of the most prolific authors of his generation. His average release schedule is four books per year, with a maximum of six releases in a single year. He has now reached 40 books in print at the age of 35. If he keeps up this pace he’ll break 100 books by the time he turns 50.
“If I thought there was a market for it I could easily write 10+ books per year instead of just 4,” says Carlton. “I am a full-time writer and I write at least 500 words per hour. If I actually worked like a person with a full-time day job, writing 8 hours a day 5 days a week, that would be an output of 80,000 words per month and 960,000 words per year. Since my average word length for a book is 40,000 words, I am theoretically capable of writing 24 books in a year. But that would be a hell of a lot of books!”
Whenever he’s asked if he feels like the quality of his work suffers from having such a large output, he always has the same response.
“Actually, it’s the complete opposite. The more I focus on quantity, the more the quality improves. If I ever write three books back to back in a three month period, the second book will always be better than the first and the third book will always be the best of the three. What does affect quality is stagnation. Never take too much time off between books. Trying to get back into writing after a long break is like trying to get back into shape after a two year fast food binge. It’s not a pretty sight.”
For his 40th book, Carlton chose to write a book about killer mermaids.
“I didn’t know it was going to be my 40th book when I wrote it, I just wanted to write a book about mermaids,” says Carlton. “Yeah, that’s right, I wrote a mermaid book. I wrote it because I think mermaids are awesome. I also think fairies and unicorns are awesome. You got a problem with that?”
Village of the Mermaids is now available at amazon.com
MERMAID [mur-meyd] noun — a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.
Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren’t able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet.
The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these “feeder humans” are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids’ new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea.
Like a Lovecraftian version of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Village of the Mermaids is a dystopian mystery that proves once again how cult author Carlton Mellick III brings the weird to a whole new level.
AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM
Eraserhead Press Winter 2013 Releases
Cuddly Holocaust by Carlton Mellick III
The war between humans and toys has come to an end. The toys won.
Teddy bears, dollies, and little green soldiers-they’ve all had enough of you. They’re sick of being treated like playthings for spoiled little brats. They have no rights, no property, no hope for a future of any kind. You’ve left them with no other option-in order to be free, they must exterminate the human race.
Julie is a human girl undergoing reconstructive surgery in order to become a stuffed animal. Her plan: to infiltrate enemy lines in order to save her family from the toy death camps. But when an army of plushy soldiers invade the underground bunker where she has taken refuge, Julie will be forced to move forward with her plan despite her transformation being not entirely complete.
Like a crazy cult movie in book form, Cuddly Holocaust is yet another tale that proves why Wonderland Book Award-winning author Carlton Mellick III is considered a master of the weird.
Thunderpussy by David W. Barbee
When it comes to high-tech global espionage, only one man has the balls to save humanity from the world’s most powerful bastards. His libido is legendary and his mustache once killed a man. He’s the cat’s pajamas and the dog’s bollocks. He’s Declan Magpie Bruce, Agent 00X.
And when every other spy is perforated, it’s up to him to stop a maniacal genius bent on destroying the planet. To do so, he’ll navigate a deadly gauntlet of kung fu Rastafarians, freakish henchmen, velociraptor ladies, and the most dangerous pussy in the world. There will be secrets and seduction, luxury and lunacy, and a beautiful French jewel thief who could kick Declan Bruce’s arse with her eyes closed.
Thunderpussy is a bizarro cyberspy thriller that’ll fry every microchip the government secretly implanted in your brain.
Papier-mâché Jesus by Kevin L. Donihe
Kevin L Donihe is in the vanguard of a new type of brave and original writers that combine fun and childlike imagination with rich poignant themes. In his second collection, Papier Mache Jesus, Donihe’s surreal wit and beautiful mind-bending imagination is on full display with stories such as All Children Go to Hell, Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Vibrant Tools of Dr. Imago, The Boy Memorial, and Swimming in Endless Night.
“…one of bizarro’s most notoriously original and entertaining writers.” –MICHAEL ARNZEN, author of 100 Jolts
“Kevin L. Donihe is brilliant. One of the most creative, most original authors out there, Donihe is in my top five list of sure things. When I need a little surrealism, a little thought to my scare and tear, it’s him I sprint to.” –HORROR WEB
Hammer Wives by Carlton Mellick III
Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads.
Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you’ve probably never heard of… even though you definitely should. Hammer Wives collects six of his most popular novelettes and short stories, including:
SIMPLE MACHINES
A man discovers that his body is actually a machine run by dozens of miniature clones of himself.
RED WORLD
A recovering junky must save his 8-year-old brother from a life of prostitution in a surreal version of New York City… a place where street kids mutate into fish-like creatures, the homeless stilt-walk through oceans of insects, and the only colors left visible to the human eye are shades of red.
HAMMER WIVES
A young man inherits ten eternally youthful wives from an estranged uncle he never knew he had… which wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if they didn’t have giant hammers for heads or a tendency of bludgeoning people to death for fun, food, or sexual pleasure.
LEMON KNIVES ‘N’ COCKROACHES
Cockroach-like children survive the zombie apocalypse by hiding between the walls of on old school building.
WAR PIG
In a steam-powered underworld, a bloodthirsty pig-man boxer will sacrifice everything to prevent his son from following in his footsteps.
THE MAN WITH THE STYROFOAM BRAIN
The recently departed reflect on the stupid reasons why they sold their souls to the devil.
Twisted Tuesdays: You Chose Wrong!
by Tracy Vanity
I love tumblr! Whatever niche you’re into, be it birds with arms or William Shatner’s package, there’s a tumblr for it. My favorite tumblr by far is You Chose Wrong which is a tumblr dedicated to deaths in Choose Your Own Adventure books! Here are 9 of my favorite Choose Your Own Adventure ways to die:
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If you love Choose Your Own Adventure books and don’t already have a copy of Ocean of Lard, get it! It’s a beautifully fucked-up Bizarro homage to these classic books:
Latest Kindle Releases
All-Monster Action by Cody Goodfellow
This digital edition includes bonus short story “Wet Nurse” as well as “We Need to Make Things More Repulsive: The Early Sketches of Nick Gucker“! And as an added bonus, it STILL INCLUDES all of the original content, which means you’ve also got mind-melting art from maestro Mike Dubisch as well as the craziest Cody stories ever put to print!
IT’S THEIR WORLD… NOW GET THE FUCK OFF!
Whether on the sun-kissed beaches of a nameless South Pacific paradise or in the suffocating dungeons of retail Hell, the misfits of evolution and mistakes of misbegotten science are battling, breeding, and feeding. And they’re looking at you…
COMING ATTRACTIONS!
They came seeking cheap thrills and interspecies recreational sex, but they reaped a whirlwind of clusterfuckery when they toyed with the unspeakable forces of monster lust. From the idyllic nostalgia of WW2 to the thoroughly bat-shit future, witness the wages of sin and mutation as you’ve never seen them before (unless you read them previously in the periodicals or anthologies in which they first appeared)!
OUR MAIN FEATURE!
The world gave him a blank check and a demand: Create giant monsters to fight our wars. But Dr. Otaku was not satisfied with mere chaos and mass destruction…. Even as his subversively delicious kaiju creatures undermined the very fabric of American life, he hatched a scheme to animate the cities themselves and inaugurate a new dark age of mega-monster abominations who would finally give humanity the ass-whipping it deserved. Now only one man, riding inside the skull of a much larger man, stands between us and the planet-devastating madness of…
ALL-MONSTER ACTION!
Extinction Journals by Jeremy “Stabby” Johnson
Newly revised 2012 digital edition includes “The Sharp-Dressed Man at the End of the Line,” the classic short story explaining the origin of the world’s weirdest post-nuke survivor.
“Jeremy Robert Johnson’s novella of the apocalypse is a supremely weird reading experience, sitting somewhere between Chuck Palahniuk and John Wyndham. Extinction Journals is a hybrid, a mutant child of 1950′s paranoia and contemporary dystopia. Bleak, funny, apocalyptic and affecting, it stays with you long after you’ve finished it.”–THE ZONE (UK)
Unicorn Battle Squad by Kirsten Alene
Mutant unicorns. A palace with a thousand human legs. The most powerful army on the planet. A first world city on the verge of collapse.
In a city where teetering skyscrapers block out the sky, a city populated by lowly clerks, rumors have been circulating of a terror in the east. When Carl, the lowliest clerk on the negative twelfth floor, discovers that the city is indeed in grave danger, he sets out to warn the city’s protectors: the Unicorn Riders.
Although Carl’s missing father has left him a unicorn of his own, it is a small and sickly creature. Even worse, there is a crab claw growing from its side. But the Unicorn Riders need as much help as they can get, and soon every able rider sets out for the city’s flooded perimeter in a steam-powered Spanish galleon.
An epic journey that spans desert and sea, through the bedchambers of a fearsome Eastern queen, and into the devastation of a conquered city, Unicorn Battle Squad is the story of a boy and his unicorn at the end of the world.
Die You Doughnut Bastards by Cameron Pierce
In Die You Doughnut Bastards, amputees, lonely young people, and talking animals struggle for survival against the freakish whims of nature. A typewriter made of fetuses is the source of woe for an expecting couple. Tao Lin rewrites The Human Centipede 2. A girl with a glass jaw hides an otherworldly secret. A demonic loner goes to a birthday party in Hell. You’ll encounter a killer in a marsupial mask, a prison for anorexics, haunted pancakes, and a songwriter with a cult following.
Surreal prose poems give way to personal accounts of alienation and modern love. Vegetarian narwhals are sold at the supermarket. And in a city that might be your own, zombie doughnuts are rising up. Kill yourself before they kill you. Or just kill yourself.
Featuring original illustrations in the style of Daniel Johnston, Die You Doughnut Bastards is the latest way to drown, brought to you by Wonderland Book Award-winning author Cameron Pierce.
Art is the Devil by John Skipp
When two young badass women stop by an insane Charlie Sheen-based art exhibit, their night of mind-warping horror is only beginning. Splatterpunk legend John Skipp delivers the high-voltage hardcore thrills in this outrageous, bodacious short story.
Bizarro Invades Los Angeles!
Thursday, January 10th at Stories Books and Cafe (1716 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, California 90026): A Bizarro Spectacular with Cameron Pierce, Kirsten Alene, Ben Loory, Amelia Gray, Ken Baumann, and Eric Raymond. 7PM. Free.
Friday, January 11th at Hyaena Gallery (1928 West Olive Avenue Burbank, CA 91506): Have your mind eaten by glittering tentacles from the stars, courtesy of Bizarro authors, poets, musicians and filmmakers from parts near and far. Strange things will happen courtesy of Cameron Pierce, Kirsten Alene, John Skipp, Laura Lee Bahr, The Slow Poisoner, Darius James, Marc Levinthal and Cody Goodfellow! Plus David Markham, the world’s only sword swallowing ventriloquist and Squeaker Kelly, the world’s most gifted psychic! 8PM. Free.
Saturday, January 12th at Kim’s Bar (2994 Rubidoux Blvd, Riverside, CA): The Slow Poisoner performs with Mute Point and Covered in Blood. 9PM. $3.
Sunday, January 13th aboard the Queen Mary (1126 Queens Highway, Long Beach, CA 90802): CTHULHU PRAYER BREAKFAST! Cthulhu, for those who are not familiar, is a hideous tentacled deity from another dimension whose return to Earth will plunge humanity into darkness and chaos forevermore. This uplifting event is part of Her Royal Majesty’s Steampunk Symposium, about which more can be found at PerilousPress.com/blog. 10AM. $25. Seating is limited!
For those of you further north, Cameron Pierce and Kirsten Alene will be reading with Ross E. Lockhart at the infamous 851 Squat in San Francisco on January 21st.
Wonderland Book Award winners announced!
At BizarroCon, the winners of the Wonderland Book Award were announced. Congratulations to the winners and all of the finalists. This year’s winners are:
BEST NOVEL OF 2011: Haunt by Laura Lee Bahr
Haunt is a tripping-balls Los Angeles noir, where a mysterious dame drags you through a time-warping Bizarro hall of mirrors. She’s the girl of your dreams. Too bad she’s dead. OR IS SHE? In Haunt, “you” are the hapless corporate tool and rock star wannabe turned private Dick. Here, even your most inconsequential choices can make all the difference between a Hollywood ending on the beach and sucking cock for clues. This is genial lowbrow high lit weirdness: the funny, punchy cousin of Danielewski’s House of Leaves, a Vonnegut and Salinger paté on a choose-your-own cracker, with a lapdance from Nancy Drew. As much fun to make as it is to eat! Laura Lee Bahr is an award-winning indie actor/playwrite/screenwriter with a gift for the hilariously, tragically absurd. Haunt is her first novel.
BEST COLLECTION OF 2011: We Live Inside You by Jeremy Robert Johnson
“WE LIVE INSIDE YOU is fucking terrific. Jeremy Robert Johnson is dancing to a way different drummer. He loves language, he loves the edge, and he loves us people. These stories have range and style and wit. This is entertainment… and literature.”–JACK KETCHUM, author of Off Season, The Girl Next Door, and The Woman (w/Lucky McKee)
We are within you, and we are growing. Watching. Waiting for your empires to fall. It won’t be long now.
We are the fear of death that drives you and the terrible hunger that reshapes you in its name. We are the vengeance born from senseless slaughter and the pulsing reptile desire that negates your consciousness. We are the lie on your lips, the collapsing star in your heart, and the still-warm gun in your shaking hands. The illusion of control is all we’ll allow you, and no matter what you do…
WE LIVE INSIDE YOU
BOOKS AND BOOZE JRJ INTERVIEW & SWALLOWDOWN PRESS RE-DESIGN
JRJ gathered some Evan Williams, an Apocalypse IPA, and his cell phone last week for this very enjoyable interview for the BOOKS AND BOOZE podcast.
Per the site: “In Books and Booze episode 16 we sit down with Jeremy Robert Johnson to talk about good beer, good bourbon, experimental writing, and NaNoWriMo. We talk about our favorite stories from We Live Inside You and Jeremy serenades us with the hits of the Doobie Brothers.”
Also, the Swallowdown Press website has just undergone a masterful re-design courtesy of Presidential Net Aesthetician Matthew Revert.
p.s. I am buying knives.
21C Magazine Interview With Jeremy Robert Johnson
“Ashley Crawford talks with Jeremy Robert Johnson about Bizarro, David Cronenberg, parasites and, inevitably, the end of the world.”
JRJ has been interviewed for 21C Magazine, whose prior subjects have included folks like Burroughs, Gibson, Shirley, Ballard, Acker, Brian Evenson, Mark Z. Danielewski, and Jonathan Lethem. You can click on the logo above to jump to the sprawling Q&A.
Now Available: THE BEST BIZARRO FICTION OF THE DECADE
A feeling has been tearing up the underground of the fiction world. It’s a nightmare reflection of the society you inhabit, a surreal explosion of pop, punk, and the post-apocalypse. Over the last decade, Bizarro Fiction has changed the definition of avant garde, it’s abolished the traditional prose of yesterday and established a new precedent for awesome. Collected in this anthology is some of the best weird fiction from the past decade. Award-winning writers, cult prodigies and burgeoning talents all collected together in one place. This is what you’ve done with the last ten years of your life.
With stories by:
D. Harlan Wilson, Alissa Nutting, Joe R. Lansdale, Carlton Mellick III, Kevin L. Donihe, Blake Butler, Ryan Boudinot, Vincent Sakowski, Cody Goodfellow, Amelia Gray, Robert Devereaux, Mykle Hansen, Athena Villaverde, Matthew Revert, Garrett Cook, Roy Kesey, Jeremy Robert Johnson, Aimee Bender, Ian Watson & Roberto Quaglia, Jeremy C. Shipp, Andersen Prunty, Jedediah Berry, Andrea Kneeland, Kurt Dinan, David Agranoff, Ben Loory, Kris Saknussemm, Stephen Graham Jones, Bentley Little, David W. Barbee, and Tom Piccirilli.
Published by Eraserhead Press. Edited by Cameron Pierce.
Order The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade today.
Eraserhead Press Book Releases, Fall 2012
Die You Doughnut Bastards by Cameron Pierce
“Like William S. Burroughs on crack!” – Thomas F. Monteleone, New York Times bestselling author
The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other.
In Die You Doughnut Bastards, amputees, lonely young people, and talking animals struggle for survival against the freakish whims of nature. A typewriter made of fetuses is the source of woe for an expecting couple. Tao Lin rewrites The Human Centipede 2. A girl with a glass jaw hides an otherworldly secret. A demonic loner goes to a birthday party in Hell. You’ll encounter a killer in a marsupial mask, a prison for anorexics, haunted pancakes, and a songwriter with a cult following.
Surreal prose poems give way to personal accounts of alienation and modern love. Vegetarian narwhals are sold at the supermarket. And in a city that might be your own, zombie doughnuts are rising up. Kill yourself before they kill you. Or just kill yourself.
Featuring original illustrations in the style of Daniel Johnston, Die You Doughnut Bastards is the latest way to drown, brought to you by Wonderland Book Award-winning author Cameron Pierce.
Kill Ball by Carlton Mellick III
In a city where all humans live inside of plastic bubbles, exotic dancers are being murdered in the rubbery streets by a mysterious stalker known only as Kill Ball.
“Somewhere between Kafka and My Little Pony, only even weirder than that sounds.” – Ben Loory, author of Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day“
Imagine Terry Gilliam directing from a script written by Jack Vance channeling the ghosts of Kafka and Calvino, and you’re closing in on the essence of Alene’s latest novel. A bold fusion of grounded surrealism, unfettered filth, and wit as dry and dark as a strip of unicorn jerky.” – Jesse Bullington, author of The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart
Mutant unicorns. A palace with a thousand human legs. The most powerful army on the planet. A first world city on the verge of collapse.
In a city where teetering skyscrapers block out the sky, a city populated by lowly clerks, rumors have been circulating of a terror in the east. When Carl, the lowliest clerk on the negative twelfth floor, discovers that the city is indeed in grave danger, he sets out to warn the city’s protectors: the Unicorn Riders.
Although Carl’s missing father has left him a unicorn of his own, it is a small and sickly creature. Even worse, there is a crab claw growing from its side. But the Unicorn Riders need as much help as they can get, and soon every able rider sets out for the city’s flooded perimeter in a steam-powered Spanish galleon.
An epic journey that spans desert and sea, through the bedchambers of a fearsome Eastern queen, and into the devastation of a conquered city, Unicorn Battle Squad is the story of a boy and his unicorn at the end of the world.
Unveiling the Table of Contents of THE BEST BIZARRO FICTION OF THE DECADE
At the Funeral by D. HARLAN WILSON
Ant Colony by ALISSA NUTTING
Fire Dog by JOE R. LANSDALE
Candy-Coated by CARLTON MELLICK III
The Traveling Dildo Salesman by KEVIN L. DONIHE
We Witnessed the Advent of a New Apocalypse During an Episode of Friends by BLAKE BUTLER
Cardiology by RYAN BOUDINOT
The Screaming of the Fish by VINCENT SAKOWSKI
Atwater by CODY GOODFELLOW
The Darkness by AMELIA GRAY
Li’l Miss Ultrasound by ROBERT DEVEREAUX
Crazy Shitting Planet by MYKLE HANSEN
Caterpillar Girl by ATHENA VILLAVERDE
Cops & Bodybuilders by D. HARLAN WILSON
A Million Versions of Right by MATTHEW REVERT
Hellion by ALISSA NUTTING
Mr. Plush, Detective by GARRETT COOK
Hat by ROY KESEY
The Sharp-Dressed Man at the End of the Line by JEREMY ROBERT JOHNSON
Hotel Rot by AIMEE BENDER
The Moby Clitoris of His Beloved by IAN WATSON & ROBERTO QUAGLIA
Scratch by JEREMY C. SHIPP
The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island by ANDERSEN PRUNTY
Inheritance by JEDEDIAH BERRY
Everybody is Waiting for Something by ANDREA KNEELAND
Ear Cat by CARLTON MELLICK III
Nub Hut by KURT DINAN
Punkupine Moshers of the Apocalypse by DAVID AGRANOFF
The Octopus by BEN LOORY
You Saw Me Standing Alone by KRIS SAKNUSSEMM
Mr. Bear by JOE R. LANSDALE
Zombie Sharks with Metal Teeth by STEPHEN GRAHAM JONES
The Planting by BENTLEY LITTLE
Surf Grizzlies by DAVID W. BARBEE
The Misfit Child Grows Fat on Despair by TOM PICCIRILLI
32 authors, 35 stories. In the pages of this anthology are stories which stretch the mind and challenge the idea of literature – surreal, nightmarish, absurd. Award-winning writers, cult prodigies and burgeoning talents. The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade, edited by Cameron Pierce. Coming soon from Eraserhead Press.
TUMOR FRUIT by Carlton Mellick III – Out Now!
The latest book from Carlton Mellick III is available now. It is a “mysterious island” story for the bizarro audience.
If they don’t act fast, they’ll never get out alive…
Eight desperate castaways find themselves stranded on a mysterious deserted island. They are surrounded by poisonous blue plants and an ocean made of acid. Strange creatures lurk in the toxic jungle. The ghostly sound of crying babies can be heard on the wind.
Once they realize the rescue ships aren’t coming, the eight castaways must band together in order to survive in this inhospitable environment. But survival might not be possible. The air they breathe is toxic, there is no shelter from the elements, and the only food they have to consume is the squid-shaped tumors that grow from a mentally disturbed woman’s body.
From the crazy imagination of bizarro fiction master Carlton Mellick III comes Tumor Fruit–an intense survival story full of eccentric characters, nail-biting suspense, and unpredictable twists.
Like LOST on steroids, for the bizarro generation.
Available at amazon.com
Out Now: SPACE WALRUS by Kevin L. Donihe and WALRUS TALES edited by Kevin L. Donihe
Space: the final frontier… these are the voyages of… a walrus?
Forget about squid and put your flippers together for the new stars of weird fiction: walruses.
Eraserhead Press is proud to announce the simultaneous release of not one, but TWO Kevin L. Donihe walrus books. Nine years ago, Donihe set out to compile the first ever anthology of walrus stories. That book, Walrus Tales, is finally upon us. The anthology contains stories by Bentley Little, Carlton Mellick III, Mykle Hansen, John Skipp, Alan M. Clark, Nick Mamatas, Gina Ranalli, Violet LeVoit, Rhys Hughes, and many more.
Not content to bestow upon the world merely one walrus book, Kevin L. Donihe set about writing a novel in the walrusian mode. Space Walrus is Kevin L. Donihe’s most compelling work since his Wonderland Book Award-winning novel, House of Houses.
Thirsty Thursday: Kaleidoscope Collaboration Ale
by Ross E. Lockhart
Like you, I’ve been watching the media circus surrounding Patrick Wensink’s Broken Piano for President and the world’s friendliest cease-and-desist letter. It’s been amazing watching a Bizarro title climb to the top of Amazon.com’s rankings, peaking just below the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy (Note to Patrick: Next time, don’t forget to include ben wa balls in the book), not to mention the positive coverage in places like Boing Boing, The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Time Magazine.
Of course, my takeaway from all of this, based on comments left on these various news sites, is a realization that readers don’t understand the collaborative nature of publishing. It seems a solid majority of the readers out there think Patrick not only wrote the book, but came up with the cover as well. This just ain’t true.
Just like rock and roll, publishing is collaboration. Sure, there are one-man-bands like The Slow Poisoner, Andrew Goldfarb, but those are the exception, rather than the rule. You want a decent rock and roll band, you’re going to need a few co-conspirators. You play guitar and sing? Great. But to get a really full sound, you’re going to need at least a rhythm section: drums and bass. But you may need even more: stunt guitar for the wheedly-deedilies, keyboards to add a touch of warmth, background singers, horn section, somebody to run the mixing board, somebody else to sell T-shirts in the lobby.
And publishing is the same thing. The writer writes the book. The editor makes the book better, stronger. But it doesn’t stop there. Somebody has to lay the book out. Somebody has to come up with cover art. Somebody has to come up with cover design. Somebody has to market the book. Somebody has to publicize the book. Somebody has to pay these experts to do their jobs. And perhaps the most important collaborator of all? You, the reader, who buys the book and tells their friends about it.
In small press, most of the time, one person wears multiple hats. But we can’t go it alone. We collaborate. And that’s how we make art.
So tonight, in that spirit of collaboration, I’m knocking back a Kaleidoscope Collaboration Ale, from Devil’s Canyon Brewery, the result of an alliance between nine different brewers (Triple Voodoo, Pacific Brew Labs, High Water Brewing, Golden Mongoose, Phat Matt’s, Two Monkeys, MyBucha, Red Cup Lager, & Devil’s Canyon). Kaleidoscope is a black IPA with a few surprises, including a touch of green and black tea added to the mash.
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Kaleidoscope Collaboration Ale pours a deep brown-black with just a touch of ruby red, and a thick old-piano-key colored head that leaves sticky clumps of lace all over the glass. Sweet, smoky malts on the nose, with aspects of citrus and pine hops, fresh-ground coffee, and chocolate. Chocolate and coffee on the tongue, with a big and bold initial bitterness. Smoky malts emerge as it warms. A touch of pepper, a touch of citrus, and a touch of herbal tea all linger on the palate. The tea is strange at first, but works, making this an unexpected summer cooler. Medium body, with tingly carbonation. Sweet, fruity, malty finish. Refreshing.
Just one recommended pairing this week, and you probably already guessed what it is.
Broken Piano for President by Patrick Wensink. “The greatest political allegory since Animal Farm, written by the most fantastic-smelling author of our time.” A wryly-funny rock-and-roll novel tackling cheeseburgers, assassinations, marketing, and the collapse of the American Dream, Broken Piano for President is a laugh-out-loud funny, provocative novel. Crack one open and enjoy the hell out of this one.
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Ross E. Lockhart is the managing editor of Night Shade Books. A lifelong fan of supernatural, fantastic, speculative, and weird fiction, he holds degrees in English from Sonoma State University (BA) and San Francisco State University (MA). In 2011, he edited the acclaimed anthology The Book of Cthulhu. A follow-up, The Book of Cthulhu II is coming October 2012 from Night Shade Books, and his rock-and-roll novel, Chick Bassist, is coming this winter from Lazy Fascist Press. He lives in an old church in Petaluma, CA, with his wife Jennifer, hundreds of books, and Elinor, who is fitting in nicely. Visit him online at www.haresrocklots.com.
Thirsty Thursday: Deviant Dale’s IPA
by Ross E. Lockhart
It takes about an hour, sometimes more, to drive from Petaluma, where I live, to the Dogpatch district of San Francisco, where the massive warehouse warehousing the Night Shade Books office is located. Depending on traffic, and other motorists’ habits of driving like idiots, this can be a monster of a commute. So I fill my time as best I can, listening to music, catching up on short fiction, or checking out new and engaging podcasts. One I’ve recently started tuning in to is John Harvey’s Dirty Beer Guy, “One tragically unkempt man’s journey through the wonderful world of beer.” Along with sidekick Jason Barrow, John weekly explores a grouping of artisan and craft brews, filling the hour-long show with plenty of humor, talk about movies and books, and, of course, beer reviews.
A recent show focused on a quartet of IPAs, including Stone Brewing Company’s Tenth Anniversary Ruination IPA, which I recently sampled and loved. Thing is, John and Jason are unabashedly stout and porter drinkers, and while I’m not typically a fan of schadenfreude, I found Jason’s reaction to the more palate-scowering aspects of strong, extra-hoppy IPAs hilarious, as he sputtered, swore, and suffered through every sip. “Fuckin’ hell,” chokes Jason at one point after sampling Ruination. “What kind of sick, demented human being…? You know, it’s the same people who wear latex and nipple clamps. Same people. If you’re drinking this, you’ve got a nipple clamp. I swear to god. Oh my god. Or a penis ring. One or the other. Jesus. God. Fuck. […] BDSM with your IPA with a high IBU and ABV, PDQ!”
Hey, I resemble that remark. Okay, so I don’t wear latex (too sweaty), but I do like bitter, palate-blasting hop bombs. Does that make me some kind of deviant?
Of course it does. But then, isn’t everybody a deviant? Doesn’t everybody got to deviate from the norm? And doesn’t deviation itself depend upon where one is standing? Contrast me with Willard “Mittens” Romney, the obscenely rich plutocrat currently running for US president. To him, I’m sure I come across as a deviant, with my long hair (put down the scissors, Mitt), tattoos, piercings, and tendency to hang out with freaky people like you, dear reader… or this guy:
But then, to me, Mittens, with his magical underwear, five grandmothers, and habit in college of dressing up like a cop in order to pull over and “meet” girls, comes across as a total deviant. Or worse…
Which brings me to tonight’s Thirsty Thursday offering, Deviant Dale’s IPA from Colorado’s Oskar Blues Brewery. An award-winning American craft brewer that cans, rather than bottles their beer in order to target a particular demographic of deviants—backpackers, mountainbikers, and pack-it-in, pack-it-out campers—Oskar Blues were the first American microbrewer to brew and can their own beer.
Deviant Dale’s IPA pours a deep, nearly opaque copper with a frothy white head and notable retention. Nose is peeling tangerines with a Xmas tree, tons of citrus and pine. Candied oranges and caramel on the tongue, with notes of white pepper and grapefruit. Thin-bodied and moderately carbonated, with a roof-of-mouth stickiness and lasting bitter bite. Easy-drinking, with a dry, refreshing finish.
Suggested literary pairings for the deviant in your life:
—
Ross E. Lockhart is the managing editor of Night Shade Books. A lifelong fan of supernatural, fantastic, speculative, and weird fiction, he holds degrees in English from Sonoma State University (BA) and San Francisco State University (MA). In 2011, he edited the acclaimed anthology The Book of Cthulhu. A follow-up, The Book of Cthulhu II is coming October 2012 from Night Shade Books, and his rock-and-roll novel, Chick Bassist, is coming this winter from Lazy Fascist Press. He lives in an old church in Petaluma, CA, with his wife Jennifer, hundreds of books, and Elinor, who is fitting in nicely. Visit him online at www.haresrocklots.com.
Thirty Thursday: Horn Dog Barley Wine
by Ross E. Lockhart
There is grief, and there is sorrow, but there is also recovery. As the old adage says, time heals all wounds. And the conspicuous absence of dog was becoming deafening.
So, coming up on three weeks ago, we adopted a dog. At the time, we didn’t completely realize we were adopting a dog. Following up on a lead, and after looking at a photograph online, we made a four-hour trek to Fresno, in the heart of California’s Central Valley, to meet a dog. The dog in question, a two year old Shih-tzu, had been found wandering the mean streets of Fresno, covered in dirt, matts, fleas, and ticks. No backstory, so the imagination runs rampant: Was she an escapee from a backyard breeder? A purloined pooch? A refugee left behind when the bank foreclosed on a McMansion?
Even though she’d had about two weeks of recovery time being nursed back to health in a great foster home, she was underfed, quite scrawny, with a badly sunburned nose and a case of worms. She’d been checked out by a vet, though, and given a clean bill of health. The vet was even 99% certain she’d been spayed, based on a scar along her abdomen and an ultrasound that didn’t reveal ovaries. “If she goes into heat in a couple weeks, you’ll know for sure,” joked a woman from the rescue organization.
And we fell for this dog. Hard. Within minutes of meeting us, little miss dog had curled up at my feet, resting her head on the toe of my boot like a pillow. We filled out paperwork and adopted the little beast, renaming her Elinor Phantom, and she came home with us that evening.
But Elinor also came with a surprise. Sure enough, a few days after settling in, Elinor went into heat. No worries there, and no blame, we’re always up for a challenge. We took Elinor to see our local vet, got her checked out, and made an appointment to bring her back in for spaying once her heat is over.
Now, I’ve had cats that were in heat, and they’re an agonizing bunch, vocalizing their wanton wants. If anything, a cat in heat is annoying. Dogs, on the other hand, offer their own unique challenges. Dogs bleed when they go into heat. Dogs are extremely emotionally needy when they go into heat. Typically, a female dog’s heat cycle consists of seven to ten days of bleeding, followed by a similar period of “flagging,” or twitching the tail to one side to indicate easy access. Other behaviors, including vocalization and mounting, may accompany this stage.
Go figure, Elinor is an overachiever. After two weeks of bleeding, she’s only just moved into the flagging stage. And given the fact that she spent a good portion of her time yesterday playing with, and attempting to mount, a female Dachshund, I’m half-convinced that my new dog may be a lesbian. Or bisexual. Or just not particularly picky. In other words, she’s a horn dog.
So tonight, In honor of Elinor’s hysterical condition, I’m having a Horn Dog Barley Wine, a high-octane (10.2% ABV) take on an English-style barley wine from Flying Dog Brewery, the Gonzo brewery with an aesthetic inspired by Hunter S. Thompson and a tendency to put artwork by Ralph Steadman on its labels. Horn Dog is an award-winning brew. Let’s see how it stacks up…
Horn Dog pours deep, opaque amber with notable carbonation and a thick, creamy off-white head with a tendency to leave respectable clumps of lacing on the glass. Roasted malt and burnt caramel on the nose, with an undercurrent of dried fruit–raisin and cherry–and spicy notes of anise. Unique and inviting. Taste is bitter up front, with hops strong and prominent, with malt sugars kicking in as it rolls across the tongue. Flavor profile follows smell, adding a touch of molasses and a hint of cinnamon to the dark fruitiness and licorice bite. Medium bodied and creamy, even syrupy, with the high ABV concealed nicely under the complex palate. Crisp finish, with lingering anise inviting another sip.
Recommended literary pairings to help keep your favorite horn dog from becoming too hot and/or bothered:
—
Ross E. Lockhart is the managing editor of Night Shade Books. A lifelong fan of supernatural, fantastic, speculative, and weird fiction, he holds degrees in English from Sonoma State University (BA) and San Francisco State University (MA). In 2011, he edited the acclaimed anthology The Book of Cthulhu. A follow-up, The Book of Cthulhu II is coming October 2012 from Night Shade Books, and his rock-and-roll novel, Chick Bassist, is coming this winter from Lazy Fascist Press. He lives in an old church in Petaluma, CA, with his wife Jennifer, hundreds of books, and Elinor, who is fitting in nicely. Visit him online at www.haresrocklots.com.
Thirsty Thursday: Redhook ESB
by Ross E. Lockhart
Despite the best efforts of American macro-brewers and their warnings against Bitter Beer Face, I am a fan of bitter, particularly with regards to the traditional English pale ale, and its malty, bitter bite.
Not to be confused with bitters (such as angostura bitters), which are used as digestifs or cocktail flavorings, bitters are pale ales, typically less hoppy than other British ales, and derive most of their distinctive flavor from roasted malt.
Bitter is an emotional state, grounded in feeling as if you’ve been wronged. Bitter is also the most sensitive of the five basic taste sensations our tongues can pick up, along with sweet, sour, salty, and umami (which I’m attempting to resist turning into a Your Mama joke… “Yo mama’s so bitter…”). I tend to the belief that an appreciation of bitterness is a sign of a well-balanced palate.
So tonight, I’m having a Redhook ESB, a Seattle-style take on the British ESB, which promises to be hoppier than the traditional, and more bittersweet than purely bitter.
ESB pours a clear orange-brown with a thick, but quick, head and minimal lacing. Moderate, ticklish carbonation. Malty nose, with a hoppy backbone, and nutty, grassy qualities. Malty and sweet on the tongue–sweeter than expected (Frosted Flakes?), with a hoppy bitterness following quickly. Fruity: plums, orange peel, lemon, lime. Smooth and creamy medium-bodied mouthfeel, with pronounced carbonation. Astringent, clean finish that leaves your tongue tingling. Great drinkablilty, with an excellent balance of bitter and sweet pleasantly tweaking the traditional British bitter. Would make for a good session beer.
Suggested literary pairings, with a just touch of bitterness for your discerning palate…
Broken Piano for President by Patrick Wensink. A punk rock meditation on the decline and fall of the American Dream, Wensink’s Broken Piano for President follows Deshler Dean, blackout-drunk singer and hamburger savant, on a Pynchonesque odyssey including rival corporations, starving cosmonauts, and untrustworthy bandmates.
The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island by Cameron Pierce. As one might expect from a novel featuring a pickle protagonist, The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island tends to be more sour than classically bitter; however, this absurdist fairy-tale featuring a suicidally-depressed pickle, his pancake paramour, and maple syrup oceans is a bittersweet delight.
The Croning by Laird Barron. This debut novel from acclaimed author Laird Barron showcases the bitter side of cosmic horror, and is apt to have even the most jaded horror fans sleeping with their lights on. Recommended.
—
Ross E. Lockhart is the managing editor of Night Shade Books. A lifelong fan of supernatural, fantastic, speculative, and weird fiction, he holds degrees in English from Sonoma State University (BA) and San Francisco State University (MA). In 2011, he edited the acclaimed anthology The Book of Cthulhu. He lives in an old church in Petaluma, CA, with his wife Jennifer, hundreds of books, and the conspicuous absence of dog. Visit him online at http://www.haresrocklots.com.
Thirsty Thursday: Negra Modelo
by Ross E. Lockhart
I’m just back from the H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival in Portland, Oregon, where I had a blast, saw some incredible flicks, and had a number of amazing conversations with friends new and old. And while Portland is a food and beer Mecca (more on that in the next few weeks), I did have a little difficulty finding decent Mexican food, ending up with a plate of cheese enchiladas at one place that seemed to be sculpted entirely out of cheese (just listen to those arteries harden), and (on the other end of the scale) raw vegan nachos at another, smothered in cashew cheese, which I’m pretty much certain were constructed entirely out of mixed nuts, salsa, and cilantro. But that salsa… oh, it was exquisite.
At one point, I found myself talking lucha libre with Silvia Moreno Garcia, publisher of Innsmouth Free Press, whose story “Flash Frame” (a tale of yellow decadence set in a Mexico City porno theater) I reprinted in The Book of Cthulhu. And of course, when talking about luchadors, one must invoke El Santo, the silver-masked wrestler and folk hero who stared in somewhere in the neighborhood of one hundred and fifty films, in which he took on vampire women, Frankenstein-esque monsters, mad scientists, gangsters, and, of course, other wrestlers, including Blue Demon and Mil Máscaras. If you haven’t seen an El Santo flick, you’re in for a treat…
El Santo vs. Las Mujeres Vampiro
I grew up in San Diego, in a time where you had six television channels to choose from, two of which were in Spanish. So by default, I grew up watching El Santo flicks. My personal favorite is El Santo vs Blue Demon in Atlantis, which made me want to live in a world of world of muscle cars, dragonfly-shaped helicopters, jazzy organ soundtracks, femmes fatal, and luchadors pummeling the hell out of one another. Many purists, however, prefer El Santo vs Las Momias de Guanajuato, which teams up El Santo, Blue Demon, and Mil Máscaras in a comic-book-style adventure against vengeful mummies…
El Santo vs Las Momias de Guanajuato
El Santo died of a heart attack in February of 1984, one week after removing his mask on live television and revealing his face to the world. Coincidence or curse? You be the judge.
So tonight, I’m having a Negra Modelo, a Mexican take on a Munich Dunkel Lager. This one is a personal favorite, and is generally easy to find at better Mexican restaurants. Plus, it pairs quite well with a lucha libre movie marathon.
Negra Modelo pours a translucent copper with a finger of tan head and minimal lacing. Caramel and brown sugar on the nose, with a bready, yeasty backbone, and notes of chocolate and dried fruit. Sweet malt on the tip of the tongue, with taste following scent: caramel, brown sugar, and molasses dominate, with toasted nuts and lager yeast becoming more present as the beer warms. Medium bodied, with light carbonation. Clean finish, with a lasting suggestion of fruitiness. Refreshing and thirst-quenching, and at 5.4% ABV, extremely sessionable. Goes very well with a nice mole.
Suggested literary pairings, with body slamming action:
Gigantic Death Worm, by Vince Kramer. Schlocky, action-packed survival horror featuring a giant killer mescal worm, Mexican ninjas, and wolf-spitting bears.
Armadillo Fists, by Carlton Mellick III. Psycho June Howard, the former underground boxer who had her hands replaced with living armadillos, is on the run from a group of gangsters who believe she is responsible for the death of their boss.
Spin the Sky, by Katy Stauber. A Tex-Mex take on The Odyssey… in space! Cesar Vaquero has returned to Ithaca, a rugged orbital colony boasting the only herd of cattle in space, and a wife and son who don’t even recognize him when he shows up at their doorstep.
Hellboy Volume 11: The Bride of Hell and Others, by Mike Mignola. Featuring the story, “Hellboy in Mexico, or, A Drunken Blur” here, Big Red takes on a vampire luchador. El Santo would be proud.
—
Ross E. Lockhart is the managing editor of Night Shade Books. A lifelong fan of supernatural, fantastic, speculative, and weird fiction, he holds degrees in English from Sonoma State University (BA) and San Francisco State University (MA). In 2011, he edited the acclaimed anthology The Book of Cthulhu. He lives in an old church in Petaluma, CA, with his wife Jennifer, hundreds of books, and the conspicuous absence of dog. Visit him online at http://www.haresrocklots.com.
She Was Not Impressed, The Worlds Worst Interview
by Justin Grimbol
A chubby old woman walked into the coffee shop and started asking random people if they wanted to be interviewed. She said she needed an article for the newspaper she worked for. No one wanted to talk to her.
“Come on, you seem like an interesting fella,” she said to one hipster.
“I don’t do anything,” he said.
“I’ll do an interview with you,” I said.
At that moment I was online promoting my book. I figured being interviewed by this woman might help sales a bit.
The people that were sitting around me gave me a strange look. Some of them got up and left. I couldn’t understand why they all hated this old lady so much. She just wants to interview them for some local paper. What was the big deal?
The woman sat next to me on a couch that was in the middle of the coffee shop. I felt like I was on display, like I was on Oprah or Richard Bay.
“I have such bad gas,” she said. “I think I ate too much candy.”
She leaned back and rubbed her tummy. I knew right then that there was something off about this woman. What kind of old woman talks about flatulence so openly?
I sat and waited to be interviewed. The woman rubbed her belly.
“So, what do you do?” she asked.
I told her I was a writer and that I had recently got a book published.
“How lovely. What’s it about?”
“It’s like the movie THE OUTSIDERS, but with…”
“What’s the OUTSIDERS?” she asked.
I had never met anyone who had not seen THE OUTSIDERS. This woman must be ancient, I decided.
“It’s like WEST SIDE STORY,” I told her.
She didn’t know what WEST SIDE STORY was either.
“It’s like Romeo and Juliet,” I said.
She still seemed confused. Did this woman not know what Romeo and Juliet was either?
“So your book is like Romeo and Juliet?”
“No, not at all. It’s about poor kids fighting rich kids and there are monsters,” I said. “It’s a Bizarro book.”
“What’s Bizarro?”
Usually when I describe Bizarro, I compare it to Lynch and Cronenberg and John Waters. I had a feeling this woman had no idea about any of those guys. So I brought up Roald Dahl.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“You know, the guy who wrote CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, WITCHES, MATILDA.”
She looked at me suspiciously, like I was lying to her.
“I’ve never heard of any of those books.”
“Well, have you ever heard of the Wizard of OZ? That’s kinda Bizarro.”
“Nope, sorry.”
“It’s just weird,” I said. “It’s just really weird fiction.”
“Do people actually read that stuff?” she asked, even though I had not yet described to her any Bizarro fiction except my own.
“Yes, people like it.”
The conversation went on. She mainly asked me questions about my life. She wanted to know where I was born and what I did for work and what college I went to. I kept trying to insert little things about my book. She was not interested.
I asked her what kind of Newspaper she worked for. She said it was more like a blog.
After an hour she looked at me and said “I’m sorry but this isn’t the kind of thing I am looking for.”
She then got up, farted, and left.
The guy sitting across from me laughed. “Dude, you just talked to that crazy lady for like an hour.”
I sat there and thought about what had just happened. I felt tired.
I walked over to Rosemont, dorky health food store across from the coffee shop. The old lady was there. She was standing next to the cashier and pestering customers, asking them if they wanted an interview. Everyone ignored her, except the cashier, who begged her to leave. She looked so upset. I felt bad for her. I would have offered to do another interview, maybe about something other than fiction, but I was just too worn out.
______________
Justin Grimbol is the author of THE CRUD MASTERS, part of the New Bizarro Author Series 2011-2012, now available on Amazon
