- Texas man stabbed with Legend of Zelda Sword is in serious condition.
- Cat attacks the shit out of a British man for wearing Hugo Boss cologne.
- “The Swiss Cheese Pervert” has struck again!
Another victim came forward over the weekend, the fourth woman accusing 42-year-old Christopher Pagano of his cheesy trick: Exposing his penis while asking victims to pleasure him with Swiss cheese. Police and witnesses, who have dubbed him the “Swiss Cheese Pervert,” say the man has been terrorizing residents in Mayfair, Penn. since the beginning of January.
- Fargo man arrested for clearing snow with a flamethrower. I really want a flamethrower now.
- Drunk dad asks 8-year-old son to drive him home. Doesn’t end well.
- A Virginia Pizza Hut shuts down after camera footage shows the manager pissing in the sink.
- Mississippi man wakes up inside a body bag in a funeral home. Woke up just in time before getting embalmed.
- Chicago meth entrepreneur is arrested for having a meth lab while wearing a Breaking Bad t-shirt.
- Beard transplants are the new hipster thing. Fuck it, beards are still cool. Hipsters will not take that away!
- Lizards are invading Florida and this time they don’t mean crazy meth heads, they pretty much ARE Florida.
- Typing of Florida, a Florida man who claimed to have wrestled a bear in his trailer park was lying. There was a bear, but the trailer park wrasslin’ didn’t happen.
- Florida man smashes his own Ferrari with a baseball bat because he was pissed off.
- Florida man sets apartment on fire after being asked to stop masturbating by the window.
- Woman attacked for wearing Google glasses at a bar because she looked fucking stupid and deserved it.
- Oh yeah, that news about North Korea claiming to have landed the first man on the sun is a hoax. So is that old news about a hippo eating a dwarf in Thailand.
- In recent weird Thai news, a Thai Satanist killed the singer of a black metal band for saying he didn’t believe in Satan.
- Meanwhile in Russia, an amateur stuntman sets himself on fire and jumps 5 stories onto the snow. The video is cool.
- Paranormal researchers are not convinced that “haunted pub” footage is authentic. What do you think?
- In super lucky motherfucker news, a California couple stumbled across $10 million in gold coins while walking their dog.
One of these days…
Until next time Bizarros!
Also known as the “impalement arts,” throwing knives at a human target dates back to the 1st century and has been commonly seen in vaudeville acts, carnivals, and circus sideshows. This great art is still practiced today. The Great Throwdini is currently the fastest and most famous impalement artist in the world!
A common myth about impalement art is that the knives really aren’t being thrown and are instead hidden under the knife thrower’s sleeve as a rigged board springs up with knives along the human target. This is actually false. Knife throwers are really throwing those knives and there is definitely some real danger involved. Typically, the one in danger is a beautiful woman:
But that’s not always the case…
Anyone who has ever watched “Wonder Showzen” will be familiar with this cute little cherub-faced girl having knives thrown at her in the intro. This footage comes from a 50′s knife throwing act where Louella Gallagher, a Texas mother, would throw knives at her 5 and 2 1/2 year-old daughters: Connie Ann & and Colleena Sue. This newsreel of this 50′s knife throwing family is a great vintage gem.
The Gallaghers weren’t the only child-target impalement art acts, there was also Florence Shufflebottom, who not only practiced knife throwing, but also sharpshooting and snake charming.
If you’re a fan of vintage carnivals, this BBC documentary, which features an interview with Florence Shufflebottom (damn that’s a great name) is terrific! It has loads of great carnival footage and history.
Until next time Bizarros!
Nothing is more soothing and inspiring than a dose of weird animation. Just like with Bizarro fiction, there are things you can do in animation that can be impossible to recreate in real life. Not only are all these shorts bizarre and well-crafted, they also convey ideas without the use of dialogue. Hopefully these are new to you, or if not, they are fun to rewatch. I recommend viewing them in full screen for maximum effect.
Let’s start you off with this short about a voodoo doll who rescues his friends from the fate of all voodoo dolls. It might make you hesitate the next time you pick up that pin…
Why did the red Furby-looking critter cross the road? Another excellent stop-motion animation from Zealous Creative.
The latest tripped-out animation from cyriak involves hallucinogenic chimpanzees.
I love stop-motion animation, especially when it involves creepy white clay beings with black melted eyes that remind me of art by Olivier de Sagazan. Scott Walker‘s beautifully haunting crooning fits perfectly.
An antlered skull creature limp-runs through a glitchy CGI world of LSD-inspired chaos.
There is an Alice in Wonderland quality to this last short. Instead of a rabbit hole, the protagonist falls through a surreal 3D hospital in search of beauty.
Are there any short animated movies that you’ve enjoyed recently? Feel free to share them!
I have a thing for clowns…
Unfortunately, the story about Gordon Ramsay’s midget porn star double being eaten by badgers was an old hoax but damn that was one hell of a headline!
It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on the weird shit happening around the world so here’s the latest Bizarro news!
- “Swiss Cheese Pervert arrested in Philly. I guess he couldn’t find another cheese enthusiast.
- Opera singer out of a job for farting too much. She’s suing.
- German farting cows cause explosion at a farm.
- Couple advertises their home as “slightly haunted” in order to gain more interested buyers but just attracts ghost hunters instead.
- Vice interviews a man who will turn your corpse into a diamond.
- Man crashes SUV into Connecticut gas station, steals banana, eats it, and leaves.
- Mysterious jelly doughnut rock found on Mars.
- “Man fights off shark, stitches up wounds and has a beer before finally going to hospital” priorities…
- Weird, glass, shrimp-like, fish found in New Zealand.
- “Boyfriend assaults girlfriend with steak sauce over ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’”
- Haggis causes bomb scare at Burmingham airport. That stuff does look pretty frightening.
- Havoc-wreaking goblin found in suitcase and scares the shit out of cops in Zimbabwe. It could be the Tokoloshe!
- Oklahoma man kills stepfather with “atomic wedgie”
- Man chokes girlfriend with his dreadlocks.
- Comprehensive lists of random shit people stuck up their asses and other orifices last year. ”Lit bottle rocket, it didn’t go well” & “toy submarine” were my personal favorites on the list.
- Hitler’s toilet is in New Jersey.
- Florida man tries to rob a bank with his underwear on his head.
- Florida Man Fights Cops While Also Trying to Perform Exorcism on Son After Meth Makes Him “Abnormally Strong”
- Oregon man fights off 15 cops while masturbating. Yes he was on meth.
- Thai “Snake Girl” attracts tourists and online paranormal fans. She is real dammit! Just look at this photographic evidence:
Until next time Bizarros!
As I mentioned in a post about Krampus, kids need something to scare the shit out of them to not only get them to not be shitheads, but also because scaring the shit out of kids with stories of supernatural creatures that will get them for misbehaving is a fun tradition we should continue to uphold. It’s healthy for them.
In South Africa, there is a boogeyman/demon-like creature which varies in appearance. Some people say it is like a small hairy human, some say more like a dog, others say it’s a shape-changing vampire spirit…it seems to depend on what their grandmother told them. One thing is for sure, if a kid is being a real pain in the ass in South Africa, then the Tokoloshe will be sure to take their ass away unless they listen to their elders.
But the Tokoloshe doesn’t just terrorize children, it can cause a lot of evil and mischief for adults as well. There are reports of horny Tokoloshe that force themselves on victims, Tokoloshe that steal, and even ones that murder.
I first heard about the Tokoloshe in Die Antwoord’s “Evil Boy” music video. There is a dancing Tokoloshe with a huge dangling cock.
Ninja and Yo-landi made a video with VICE, asking people in their neighborhood about what the Tokoloshe is. They even speak to a witch doctor and a journalist from The Daily Sun to learn more about this mysterious, mischievous monster. The story Ninja tells about his nanny putting bricks under her bed because of the Tokoloshe is creepy.
Africarve made this cool Tokoloshe puppet in case you want to sic them on any brats:
Which pictures speak to you? What do they say?
Plastic surgery dates back to Ancient Egypt where the dead were given enhanced cheekbones and noses, or in the case of King Tut, glorious boners that have lasted through the ages that are still mystifying the people of today. But it wasn’t until WWI & WWII, when doctors were working to treat soldiers mangled during battle, that plastic surgery truly took off.
The medical innovations during that time had a great impact on the current surgical technology used today. And of course the pictures of the soldiers who had their faces reconstructed in the early 1900′s are incredible given the severity of their injuries and the medical capabilities of that time period. Even by today’s standards where total facial reconstruction is still being improved upon, the end results of facial reconstructive surgeries back then are remarkable.
“Records of the pioneering plastic surgery performed by Dr Harold Gillies on WWI soldiers William M. Spreckley, a Lieutenant from the Sherwood Foresters Service in the British contingent, 16th battalion. He was Gillies’ 132nd patient and was admitted to the hospital in January 1917 at the age of 33 with a ‘gunshot wound nose’. He was discharged three and a half years later in October 1920″
via The Telegraph
Four photographs documenting the facial reconstruction of a solider who’s cheek was extensively wounded during the Battle of the Somme (July 1916). Taken from ‘Plastic surgery of the face : based on selected cases of war injuries of the face including burns’ (1920) by H D Gillies ; with chapter on the prosthetic problems of plastic surgery by Capt. W Kelsey Fry; and remarks on anaesthesia by Capt. R Wade.
Walter Yeo, a sailor injured at the Battle of Jutland, is assumed to be the first person to receive plastic surgery in 1917. The photograph shows him before (left) and after (right) receiving a flap surgery performed by Gillies.
Lieutenant Norman Eric Wallace
Extreme reconstructive surgery. Name of patient unknown.
If you’ve watched Boardwalk Empire, you will be familiar with Richard Harrow, a WWI veteran with half his face missing. He wears a facial prosthetic and is a sharpshooting badass.
His character was inspired by real World War I soldiers who had artists recreate missing parts of their face.
The “Tin Nose Shop” in London where realistic masks were created to help wounded soldiers. Smithsonian Magazine has an excellent article about this called “Faces of War.”
There is also footage of this “shop,” the film is originally silent but someone added some music that you might wish to replace or mute depending on your personal taste in such things…
What better way to celebrate another meaningless holiday than with some old school slasher films? Here are two horror classics that take place on New Year’s Eve:
First up is the classic Terror Train. Starring scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis, this is a great film about a group of college kids who are having a NYE costume party on a moving train with a crazed masked killer on board who wants revenge!
Next up is New Year’s Evil about Blaze, a punk rock TV host who is having a rockin’ NYE’s television countdown when she receives a call live on the air from a guy called “Evil” who makes a New Year’s resolution to murder someone at midnight in each time zone. He starts by killing women Eastern Standard Time and quickly makes his way to the West side where Blaze is the murderer’s grand New Year’s finale.
Happy New Year Bizarros! May the new year be even more bizarre and twisted than the last!
- Man sleeps for 10 hours without realizing there was a knife lodged in his back.
- Woman ends up glued to a Home Depot toilet seat, wants answers.
- Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell
- Incredible prank, drunk driver is lead to believe he has been in a coma for 10 years.
- Australian woman knits with her vagina.
- Man commits suicide when girlfriend refuses to stop shopping.
- You know that phrase “I’ll sell my left nut to have ____?” well this guy actually sold his left nut for $35,000 to buy a sports car.
- Ghost hunters held at gunpoint after being mistaken for burglars.
- Man gets toilet roll holder stuck up his ass and has to call Rescue Service.
- Massachusetts mall Santa Claus accused of groping elf
- Los Angeles zombie police scare people straight.
- French guy doesn’t get his deposit back so he destroys his apartment with a sledgehammer.
- Dead baby wakes up in a funeral home.
- Woman had a partially dead black ear after being bitten by a brown recluse.
- Mexican teen’s genitals rot after injecting Krokodil. JFC WHY?!
- Norfolk is experiencing a creepy clown epidemic. People dressed as crowns are chasing people and scaring the shit out of them. Police have warned the public to not approach the clowns.
- WTF IS that?
Someone made a cute computer animation of “Wait Till Martin Comes” from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. They used the original audio version read by Alvin Schwartz himself! Have a great Caturday!
An 80′s dude with a mullet feels like there is something really off about his family…his sister and parents are acting strange and no matter what he does, even being the quarterback of the football team and winning a high school debate, doesn’t impress them. Then he realizes his feelings are validated when he hears a strange recording from a friend. That’s when the setup of the first half of the movie ends up getting truly bizarre and the finale…well you just have to see it for yourself if you haven’t already. There is truly no ending like it in the history of cinema.
A true classic that reflects how the rich feeds off the poor through ooze, sex, and tons of stretchy, flesh-colored latex, Society is a great film that belongs on your Bizarro movie shelf. You can watch it in its entirety here:
It’s sort of monsoon season in Thailand right now…it’s not supposed to be monsoon season but the weather has been off. It’s super hot and sunny during the day and then thunder and heavy storms during the night. It hasn’t rained animals yet though…that I know of. I’ll ask a Thai person, they tend to know things I don’t…
Reports of animal rain have popped up all over the world and most of the reports (according to my hour of google researching) are in fact real. In Yoro, Honduras, it rains fish every year so they have a fish rain festival to celebrate. In Beebe, Arkansas, 3,000 blackbirds mysteriously fell from the sky on New Year’s Eve. In Oakville, Washington, it rained jellyfish, TWICE! In Japan, raining tadpoles is commonplace. There is a scientific explanation of course but that still doesn’t prevent people’s imaginations from running rampant when worms fall from the sky.
In India, there are reports of blood rain and this guy thinks it’s because of aliens:
Now I want to watch that episode of the X-Files.
His new album, “The Big Dream”, is now available. I particularly enjoy “Star Dream Girl.”