Bizarro News Roundup!
Here’s the latest Bizarro breaking news! Hot off the internet!
The alert came after a fisherman in the Oresund Sound last week retrieved a 21 centimetre pacu – a relative of the piranha that is most commonly found in the Amazon region.
“Keep your swimwear on if you’re bathing in the Sound these days – maybe there are more out there!” cautioned the National History Museum in neighbouring Denmark.
The freshwater fish, which can grow up to 90 centimetres and weigh up to 25 kilogrammes, has been nicknamed the “ball cutter” for its attacks on the male genitalia.
In areas where pacus proliferate, fishermen have reportedly bled to death after losing their testicles to the fish’s crushing jaws.
A Chinese man was drunk, watching most likely Genki porn, and thought it would be a good idea to stick a 20-inch eel up his ass to get off. The eel reportedly chewed through the guy’s colon and died. Oh yeah and the doctor having to deal with that shit blogged about it.
“The defendant then leaves his friend and goes to the opposite side of the aisle. He pulls down the zip of his trousers and is seen on CCTV to urinate on the whole display of Coke bottles. He then does up his trousers and wipes his hands on his trousers and goes back to his friend,” she said.
She said the pair then went to the checkout and paid for their cider.
“The items are not able to be resold, because they are completey soaked in urine,” she said.
Matt Henson, representing Goldring, of Third Avenue in Clase, said his client suffered from severe sciatica and the medication he was taking to deal with the pain often meant he regularly needed the toilet.
Hong Kong is a vibrant city chock-full of people — so much so that the quality of life for those at the bottom tier is atrocious. And I’m not talking about, “Oh my goodness, I have to share a bathroom with my brother and sister.” I’m talking about up to 18 strangers being smashed into a tiny 625 square foot flat with just one toilet to share.
One such former cage-dweller is Chau Kam-chuen. Mr. Kam-chuen used to be one of over 400,000 working poor who paid approximately $167.6 USD to live in such an environment. According to him, it’s extremely uncomfortable, especially if you get the top bunk: “You hit your head on the ceiling.”
The way it works is that a flat is chosen and then partitioned into multiple cubicles, each composed of wooden planks and wire mesh. Each cubicle then becomes home to one resident.
The original pine casket that held the body of Lee Harvey Oswald from his burial on November 25, 1963 until his exhumation on October 4, 1981 will be auctioned on Thursday, December 16, 2010 by Nate D. Sanders Auctions.
On Saturday, December 11, 2010, I took a nap in it.
This might, were I a collector of profound means, be considered a Special, Private Preview Showing. But since I am not a collector of profound or even shallow means nor have any intention of bidding on Oswald’s temporarily permanent original resting box, a reasonable person might ask, What the JFK?
Though I felt it might be an interesting way to get into the holiday spirit, a pre-Christmas gift to myself, me stuffed into Oswald’s post-mortum pine stocking, the motivation was simply, as Hilary said of Everest, “Because it was there.”
It was there, before me, after I accepted an invitation to view it and had the nerve to ask if I could get an insider’s look. The possibility was irresistible. The request graciously accepted, I prepared for bedtime; I took out a book to read, a rare book.
- The BIGGEST breaking news is that behind-the-scenes footage of “The Day The Clown Cried” has just surfaced!
This is the holy grail of unseen footage. Many rumors have circulated about why a movies with Jerry Lee Lewis dressed as a clown in a concentration camp never saw the light of day. Only 7 people in the world have seen the film, including Harry Shearer who talked about it on Howard Stern.
Here is the leaked footage. Hopefully it doesn’t get taken down.
You can also read the entire script here. It’s incredible.