THE PENULTIMATE POST

WALRUS WEEK is almost over. Come Monday, how will I cope? If I can’t talk about walruses, then what can I talk about? Might as well staple my mouth shut.

Perhaps you can pick up SPACE WALRUS and/or WALRUS TALES. That might strengthen my will. (NOTE: All proceeds will go to the SAVE A BUNCH OF WALRUSES FUND, which I’ve created and will certainly never use to fund lavish vacations overseas.)

But enough about me.

In my second post, I expressed the hope that WALRUS WEEK would open your hearts to walrus-love. I believe it has, but you simply must put love to action.

You can:

Adopt a walrus.

Open up a soup kitchen for homeless pinnipeds.

Read stories to blind Elders.

Get plastic surgery to more closely resemble a walrus.

Write your elected representatives to demand that they grow some tusks.

That’s just a start. The future is in your hands…