ELVIS OR THE BEATLES?

Every walrus will give the same answer to this question. It is not, however, the answer one might expect. Walruses didn’t appreciate John Lennon’s lyrical proclamation, but blamed Paul McCartney. From his decided lack of tusks to his smooth, pinkish skin, it was clear to all that he was just another human being.

For such a creature to be equated with a walrus was more than an insult. It was a crime unforgivable.

Elders were consulted, and the order came down swiftly: Kill Paul McCartney, hollow out his severed head, stuff it full of freshly shucked mollusks and diced sea cucumbers…then eat from it

Due to the lack of regularly scheduled planes and busses to or from the Arctic, and because walruses deal in psychic currency rather than money, they were forced to construct a makeshift stage out of driftwood and shells. Focusing as a group, they emitted thought waves to encourage Paul McCartney to come to them.

‘Till this day, they wait…